, #58 for
played 716 times (finished 121)
"march in the swamp"
"Make sure not to blink"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 18. If this were a movie, it would probably be R.
I really need to stop reviewing crap stories but there are just so many of them. Here are my thoughts:
- I don't really see the point of the description. Then again, I suppose you were worried about writing more than 1000 words. Is that a bit too much effort for you? I think I once sneezed, accidentally hit the keyboard with one hand, and wrote more words as a result than the pathetic 725 you squeezed out. What were you expecting? Something above a 5?
-Half of the words you actually did bless us with are along the lines of "What the hell is going on!?" Yeah... I'd like to know too. I think I missed it. Must've looked somewhere else for a second as the "plot" dashed by.
- The spelling wasn't as bad as it could have been. Don't take that as a compliment; it can always be worse. I mean, how many mistakes can you really expect in this malnourished infant of a story? Still, I noticed 'nose' instead of 'noise' and some random tense changes.
- You wrote in the whole false linearity thing with the 'listen to the door' option where you present two choices and basically it just leads to the same thing anyway. It adds nothing to the story and only puts in the pretence of choice instead of the actual thing.
- Ugh. The old '...and it was all a dream'. Tragic. Just tragic.
A rare 1/8.
on 8/3/2017 5:16:12 PM with a score of 0
Incredibly short, I would have added a few more pages to the storygame, but overall the amount of sentences on each page was satisfying.
It seemed very illogical at some points, but I suppose you threw that in with the whole "it was just a dream" cliche. Those types of storygames really bug me, because it feels like you were just too lazy to make a real ending.
The lack of branching really made me a bit miffed, as well as half the pages being end game links. I found that there really was not a lot of branching at all really, and even on the first page we have a wonderful example of this.
We have Choice A, and Choice B, but Choice B just forces us to choose Choice A. So Choice B is rather pointless, is it not?
I would have enjoyed it had you added more character development, because the characters felt quite stale. But I suppose you'd need to make it longer for that, because it's hard to grasp any emotion in a storygame as short as this.
on 3/21/2017 6:50:40 PM with a score of 0
I am not a fan of the "it was all a dream" concept, although I did see that a lot in the CYOA books of my youth, so I have to give you a pass on that. But really just seems like you churned a basic story out with no major effort or development.
on 6/20/2018 9:02:22 PM with a score of 0
It is all a dream! :-(
-- Mia on 7/11/2017 9:22:56 PM with a score of 0
It's a good start, but it needs more choices and it should be longer.
on 5/15/2017 4:47:01 PM with a score of 0
It was OK for a short game
on 5/14/2017 5:25:11 PM with a score of 0
-- Me on 5/11/2017 12:16:15 PM with a score of 0
Although this was probably accidental, I liked that the 'horror' segments are not viscerally described - which let me imagine all the wonderful bits and pieces myself. Even so, what you have here is very bare, which also leads on to...
There's a lot of criticisms I could make about this, but I think the reason this story isn't garnering better scores lies in the lack of real choice the reader can make. It feels as though you are shoved down a linear pathway despite being a CYOS. Whether that means you give more choices for the reader or disguise the lack of choice is up to you.
Also, please don't pull an "and then I woke up" ending. It's a really good way to invalidate everything the reader has invested into the story.
1-2/8, didn't make me feel anything.
on 5/9/2017 8:35:11 AM with a score of 0
-- woodstock on 10/31/2016 7:45:07 PM with a score of 0
-- GeneralSkittles on 4/29/2016 12:25:57 PM with a score of 0
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