Player Comments on The Multiverse Chalkboard

After reading Ducky Park, I was interested to check out some of DEP’s other stories. Ducky Park was a really out-of-the-box and hilarious story that reminded me of some of Endmaster’s stories, particularly TRASH, with the dark humor and hilariously morbid consequences that the protagonist gets. So naturally, I was expecting something quite interesting with DEP’s other stories, and of the 2, the Multiverse Chalkboard seemed to be the better story, so I decided to start with that one.

The Multiversal Chalkboard is a fascinating sci-fi horror piece that centers around a scientist and a group of kids who travel between parallel universes using a special multiversal chalkboard. Basically, the scientist uses a special chalk made out of calcium carbonate to draw special runes that allow the group to travel between the universes.

Our main character, Charlie, wasn’t originally part of this group. His long time friend, and potential love interest, Christie invites him to join the group. And the group isn’t too pleased to have him here, although they begrudgingly accept him, and so the story begins.

There are 6 main characters in this story: Charlie, Christie, Dr. Verrukt, James, Destiny, Frank, and Mike. The characterization in this story could use some work, because beyond surface-level basic high school stereotypes like “the hot popular girl”, “the bully”, “the gamer nerd”, and “the friend”, these characters don’t show much depth or personality. It’s almost as though they are mere 3D cutouts that resemble a collection of generic, stereotypical personality traits that the author created for the sole purpose of giving the main character some kind of interaction.

I also found some elements of worldbuilding to be quite implausible, and logically questionable. Why would the mad scientist impersonate a teacher to recruit students for a secret club? Why doesn’t he have any grunts or minions to aid him in his quest, he’s presumably a man of means? It’s briefly mentioned that he has an assistant, but with an almost sociopathic level of indifference, he brushes past that point by merely saying, “oh he must have disappeared between the gaps of the universes”, and then he just continues on. How come none of the kids got any red flags from this? Why did they even agree to join this crazy expedition, what’s in it for them? What is the end goal to this exploration? And what’s the actual point of going from universe to universe? Is there something he’s after, some kind of larger, grand-scheme plan? And why does he just simply disappear after the adventure is over? I get that he wants to avoid the press/media coverage that will inevitably occur when one of the kids disappears or when one kid turns into a zombie, but if that’s the case, then WHY USE KIDS AT ALL? I don’t know, I feel like this part wasn’t thought out particularly well, and the tenuous worldbuilding broke some of my immersion into the plot.

The romance scenes with both of the ladies in the crew wanting Charlie were pretty cringe-inducing. I mean, to be fair, Destiny does say that she’s not really interested in Charlie, but then why does she inexplicably start making out with him. It’s like DEP got as far as deciding to make her a flirtatious tease, and then abandoned all character development from there. In fact, all of the characters are ridiculously flat, and that includes our template player-character Chuck, who we know nothing about. Heck, he only joined this whole thing for a girl! Like, why not show some inherent curiosity, or scientific daring that may factor into him joining this group. What even is the group, is it a research group, an exploration group? James chastises Chuck for not bringing a weapon, but literally nobody has a good enough weapon. And they’ve all been to these universes before, but the way they plan their adventures, and recklessly head off into random directions is insane. DEP wanted to show them as experienced adventurers who have been through multiple rodeos, but the way they just split up completely randomly, without much planning or foresight was a little frustrating.

I may have mentioned this before, but the romance scenes and dialogue weren’t the best. They just came out of nowhere and felt incredibly artificial and contrived. There was this cringe inducing dialogue with Chuck attempting to parley an insult from James where he calls him a douchebag, something about how a douche is a sanitary utensil, so James is actually complimenting him. That was a pretty weak comeback, and that exchange alone almost made me quit the story.

Ok, that’s enough complaining. I don’t really like my review to be nothing but complaints, and all these examples were merely designed to illustrate one point, that the story could be fleshed out a bit. For the ambitious premise that the story is going for, the mechanics/design could use a bit more work into making everything gel together.

But the idea is really cool! I love the idea of using runes to explore various parallel universes. I love the danger in these universes, and the fast paced action. The dough monster and the zombies were really cool, and DEP does a great job of using choices to diversify the outcomes in these branches. I love the idea of a memory-stealing doughy monster, and DEP makes it incredibly creepy. DEP excels at horror, and the monsters, along with the creepy empty school in the parallel universe, were the best parts of the story. Seriously, DEP imbibes the parallel universe setting with this uncanny valley vibe that works really well, in terms of the horror style that the story is going for.

Also, I love how you have to be careful to get the best possible outcomes, and DEP pulls no punches in giving you horrific death endings, or killing your teammates. The variety of endings were fun, and I thought the epilogue ending in the zombie path was cool, setting up for a sequel where Mike accidentally starts a whole zombie apocalypse. I also found the story to be quite suspenseful throughout. DEP succeeds in keeping my interest, despite the subpar characterization and worldbuilding, as the actual events are really fun. This is a fun sci-fi horror story that may not be the most well-written, technically speaking, but has enough for readers to have a good time for a few hours. The main issue that hurts my heart is that this is a solid story, but DEP didn’t really think beyond the premise and including a couple of cool scenes. I would have liked to have him dream bigger, and give this story some kind of larger purpose, because the idea lends itself to much more.

I would give this one a 5/8. I don't know if I would recommend this story. The description makes it sound a lot cooler than it is, and ultimately, this is one of the older stories that doesn't age as well. But it's still fun and a decent sci-fi horror experience.

Okay, this was a decent story. A few things:
- Some of the wording left a bit more to be desired, such as 'You and James share a momentary look of shared terror'. Checking through carefully and reading it out loud can solve that pretty easily though and I only found a couple of grammatical mistakes. I would say to be wary of comma splicing though.
- The plot was a bit half baked and unbelievable. I found myself cringing a bit at the 'science' behind the portal. Calcium carbonate just seems so arbitrary. If you want a proper sci-fi explanation, I'd say something to do with quantum mechanics seeing as it's complicated enough to mould into loads of stuff and not well understood enough to refute. Also, I don't see the point of it all. Why go to another Universe? What the hell was the teacher thinking and why choose kids to go with him? (who disappeared for no explained reason. Was he a junkie pretending to be a teacher or what? Maybe an interdimensional being sent to misguide the youth?)
- The writing was pretty good, but the story was too short. If you want to develop characters, it's got to have a bit more effort than this. You'd at least expect to visit two different Universes with the promise of a Multiverse.
- I wasn't a fan of the whole zombie premise. If you wanted to write a zombie story, why not just write an actual zombie story? Why bother with the Multiverse?
- The ending was a little bit twee (the epilogue one, anyway. It'd be weird if any of the zombie death endings were twee... unless you fall in love with a zombie? You can have that plot idea. On the house.)

All in all, with a bit more effort this could be a really good story. Making another Universe option would get rid of the whole zombie premise argument thing.
5/8

That was ... dissapointing. The first thing that i came to notice was how bland the characters were, starting with myself, dissapointingly enough. I honestly find mildly funny how little this guy reacts to what's happening. There's this portal that brings you to other universes where anything can happen,and honestly he doesnt seem to give much of a sh*t, he seems a bit intrigued at best. The worst is that you are probably the least character of all the characters, and that's saying a lot, considering that the rest are: A jock, who hates you because ... because. A school diva, who you of course have a crush on. The childhood friend, who is your friend. I think there were other ones, that i sadly cannot remember.

And there's also our lovely professor, who for some reason decided it was a good idea to send teenagers on wild adventures in the multiverse, he is also not very good at choosing them. The strong jock and the nerd i guess i understand, but why recruit a person who doesn't respect your authority enough to not consult you before revealing the secret of your project? And what is the diva doing there? What did he see in her? Was he just desperate to find people?

Other than that, the narration is a bit lacking, this is a bit of a more personal note, but i would've prefered if it had been a bit more descriptive of the enviroment, the atmosphere and how the characters felt. My guess is that you ass the author didn't expect much of this story, but i still would encourage you to continue it with a bit more care.

While I enjoyed the story I couldn't help feel like it was meant to be much bigger. It's about a multi-verse yet only one other universe is ever explored.

Which brings me to my second point... of why? The motives of anyone aren't ever explained. Why is the doctor exploring these worlds? I thought his assistant had something to do with it at first, but he makes it clear he's sure he's dead. So why keep exploring when dangerous things are about?

Why use children to help explore, and why did the children agree? Why did they need more of them? Most of them seem to know just how dangerous it can be, yet they keep going. Did they just enjoy the novelty of entering new worlds? Did they stand to gain something by following the Dr?

Why were you invited? It seems the girl likes you, but what would that have to do with inviting you?

It's a cool setting, but I felt like it was left largely unexplored.

ah Ok, so this is a horror story, not a hero story. I get it. Carefully written with some variations.

It's fine. I wish you had some more control over it. 5/8.

I love the part where the creature rips out his throat.

Tomorrow was the only option, I choose it and I died? Okay, thanx

I thoroughly enjoyed this story! :-) However I feel as though in my choices in not being a risk taker I inevitably met my match and death found me. I feel as if the story should let the reader choose if they are going to either A. Focus on their algebra or B. Get distracted by Christie at the door. Overall fun story! :-)

Too sweet. I really enjoyed the story and the ending. Thanks for writing this story.

I survived!

I found it kind a disappointing. It's a good idea,but it kind of falls flat with only one world. Plus most options lead to your eventual death, way too much

the story is not really what i was thinking it was going to be like very misleading

I see several people are confused about something that I wanted to clarify.

There are TWO dimensions that are visited in this story; not one. I'm not sure how this was getting confused; but (spoilers) in one dimension you have zombies (mindless shambling creatures whose only goal is to devour flesh); in the other dimension you have intelligent shape-shifting carnivores who are capable of speech and are anything but sluggish.

Interesting game, nice idea, making other universes. Thing is, it's one other dimension you travel to, and no matter what path you take, the ending is the same, almost. You still go to that same dimension whether you wait a day or not. If there were more endings it would be rated higher, but as it is now it's still a fun game. I like the detail that was in this, not just saying 'he drew stuff on the board, and we walked through.' There was more to it than that.

Short, but good game. Frank starts the apocalypse on my ending lol

there is no win

Wow. Just Wow. Good story bu a little short

Realy? I wasn't expecting it to end so abbruptly. And be so linear

Overall, it was a pretty good book. Yes, it was a bit short but I really did like it!

This was very well-written, but it doesn't actually go anywhere. It seems that moments after you enter the portal, the game's already over. The game goes on slightly longer if you pick different choices, but it really isn't very satisfactory and leaves your readers wanting more. There was barely enough time to get to know these characters, let alone explore this new universe.

Good game. I liked it alot . I could play over and over!

Good

It would be better if there was more to this story. What is already here is really good though and I enjoyed it. But more would be nice.

If you made this one a book, I'd definitely read it. Definitely. I just started getting attached to the characters! C'mon man! (This was really good btw :D)

Very intriguing! Creepy... and sad that protagonist only had the choice of 2 dangerous worlds with whichever day he joins the multiverse traveling crew.
I would absolutely love more from this story exploring various multiverses. *_____*

Killa, wow that's a lot to cover. Looks like you under and over thought things in turn, I'll try to respond to all of your questions/critiques....

We actually explore TWO other universes in this story, not one. There's the zombie one and the doppleganger one. Why not more? Because at the end of either of these worlds things get too dangerous and they end the way they end (which should explain why there's no more to explore without giving everything away in a comment).

The doctor is exploring these worlds in the name of science. He's a scientist. Also, if he happens to find a world where say... gold is in such abundance that it's value is super low; he can bring it back to his home universe and be rich. He could find a new invention and steal it as his own. etc.

Why use children? Because they are eager and free labor and he is a man with limited moral values.

As for the danger, (which is actually a few of your questions)... Other than the 'assistant' who 'got lost', there has been nothing dangerous encountered until we pick up with this story; none of the students learn that there was any real danger in this universe hopping until one or two specific paths where Dr. Verrukt reveals what really happened to his assistant.

The precautions they are taking are not in the name of danger, they are to avoid running into a duplicate of themselves... which would presumably be very dangerous. So the students continue to explore from 'the novelty' of exploring new worlds... Though 'novelty' is a word that really cheapens the appeal. They're exploring alternate universes. I don't know a lot of people that wouldn't be interested in checking that shit out.

As for why were you invited; and this one pains me to answer b/c other than your "only one world to explore" this one was clearly answered in multiple paths; you are really good friends with 'the girl'. Dr. Verrukt said they needed more people for exploring, she trusts you due to long-standing friendship; and boom. She invited you along.

Hop that helps clarify some stuff for you. Thanks for reading.

destiny was first sexy and now she is à murderer

its great for what it is but definitely way to short if it was longer and proceeded like this could be 10/10

Needs more choices

I liked this story, DEP. It reminded me of those (good) old slasher movies.

coolio. Wish there were more universes to explore, though

I kinda wanted to know whatever happened to doctor Verrückt.

An interesting and fun story.

Good work as usual DEP.

Dr. Verrückt means Dr. Crazy when translated. So yes, it did have to be a foreign name. It sounds better than Dr. Smith; and it has a hidden meaning (or blatantly obvious meaning if you speak Dutch).

Of course. Dr. Verrukt. Every plausibly evil scientist, or any one put in a position where he may seem evil at one point in the story, HAS to have some foreign last name.

Brilliant story! The characters are pretty conventional - the mad scientist, the jock, the hot girl - but the writing makes it exciting. The only complaint I have is that it's too short. I could have read about several more universes and the characters could have been developed much further. Two worlds doesn't really seem like much of a multiverse.

Good job on this. The intensity was there and having the sci-fi thriller genre is cool. I also tried different endings for the story.

Although, I got confused for the death part where Charles did not joined the team then Christie talked to her after class and bit him like a zombie. How did Christie became a talking zombie?

So yeah, 7/8 :) kudos!