The Murder Mystery

Player Rating4.27/8

"#376 overall, #4 for 2010"
based on 126 ratings since 08/23/2010
played 1,606 times (finished 148)

Story Difficulty3/8

"trek through the forest"

Play Length4/8

"A well spent lunch break"

Maturity Level4/8

"need to be accompanied by an adult"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG.

  Meet Mike, a twenty-seven year old. He was a happily married husband, with a great job, until one day, his wife is discovered dead, nobody knows how. Mike must now go through different possbilites with the situation, any way he can. It could go from one extreme to the next, easy or hard as it is, to find out the truth about the death to his wife, Karen

  This was spell checked, right before the release... It is my first story. So I'm just adjusting to make stories. Everyone who sees this, please read, and enjoy!

  

Player Comments

This was a good attempt and I like the effort. There were two main problems that really ruined it for me. First and foremost, the grammar was terrible. You need to watch your tenses. You switch from past to present in mid sentence and it destroys immersion. Beyond that though, the motivation wasn't there. Why did she lead me on a goose chase just for her to tell me in the end? Why did I have to see her brothers? How did the ambulance driver know about her childhood death wishes? Why did she have childhood death wishes? There are about 1000 plot holes and that happens when you've got an idea for the plot and force it to go that way, its better to let it flow from character motivation. Still, good effort and keep trying.
-- JJJ-thebanisher on 9/1/2010 7:39:43 AM with a score of 0
What the actual fuck. Donde esta el grammar???
-- Nehu Michaelson on 10/8/2018 6:47:47 PM with a score of 0
Some of the parts made no sense, like his friend being mad at him for a mistake of some sort. Probably having him questioned and searched? The first time I played it I failed though, which is cool haha
-- John on 12/27/2017 9:41:10 AM with a score of 0
Er.. You said that the maturity level was 4/8, even though the word f*cking was in it, and other words that children cannot see.. I think that you should set the maturity level to 7/8 ASAP before any children read those words and ask their parents what it means.
-- them harsh expert on 6/5/2017 7:57:59 PM with a score of 0
It sounds exciting, but it's just a suicide from old memories;
-- ZombieGamer9188 on 4/17/2017 6:14:19 PM with a score of 0
Good effort indeed...

How can I say this? It's true, it shows you worked hard to write this story. Even through the wrong wordings, it managed to keep me immersed in the story (though I disliked the end part about Karen, it somehow portrays her as bad for letting her husband go chasing after a goose with diarrhea).

Suggestion would be to better the phrasing of some sentences. For example, learning to differentiate the uses of "your" and "you're".

I can't say this is a great story, but it certainly isn't vety bad. Not too shabby. 5/8.
-- AgentX on 4/17/2017 8:23:17 AM with a score of 0
Scary and creepy
-- SuperTick on 4/14/2017 9:20:21 PM with a score of 0
Not enough info
-- Destiny turner on 8/12/2016 9:14:15 PM with a score of 0
Well, I went through all that for nothing.
-- Catpoptart on 1/19/2015 9:11:12 AM with a score of 0
stupid
-- TheCookieKeeper on 12/7/2014 5:31:45 PM with a score of 0
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