The New World
"Too few ratings to be ranked"
played times (finished )
"run through the jungle"
"A nice jog down the driveway"
"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.
The English settlement in Jamestown (1607)
The basic plot of this story had you "re-living" the Jamestown colony of 1607. This story was pretty mediocre, and had basic mistakes that other storygames with the brunt of low stars would have.
First of all, this story is very short, thereby very abrupt. Each page has only about 2-3 sentences and it seesm that the plot takes some jumps. For example, when you choose to attack the Indians/Native Americans, it tells you that "the white settlers sneak up on the Indians and attack them, The End." Seriously? Why end there? It could've been expanded so much! The story seems to follow two main plots: Love or Kill, and that also goes for the Indians. Because of the choices and the shortness, you know exactly which one will lead to Kill or Love when you get something like: "Do you wish to observe them or attack them?".
In order to expand out this story further, I would suggest you try re-writing, by adding more scenarios. For example, a great storm may come and you have to traverse back to the ship to get extra supplies... or something like that. You are the writer. You could also add historical refrences. For example, if there actually were huge storms, then did the Jamestown people go back to the ship for supplies? Or something.
This story was so short, it wasn't enjoyable and it hit you right when you were getting into the plot. The endings aren't even justifiable. Why would it end if you attack them? Or love them?
The writing was okay, but it was riddled with errors. As far as I could see, the words were spelled good, but other errors like punctuation were frequent.
This story should still improve the writing so it could become more superb. The first sentence just tells about the colony, and some hardships they faced. Funny that these hardships weren't even part of the story. It should be continued way more, and the writing can be perfected in many ways.
-- Fazz on 8/4/2014 5:03:26 PM
I don't understand what I read. The story is very confusing and the choices don't make sense. You also have frequent punctuation errors.
on 3/23/2015 3:11:02 PM
Not even historically accurate.
on 12/1/2014 10:22:19 AM
Laughed for about a minute.
on 3/4/2014 7:38:06 PM
WTF did I just read?
on 2/11/2014 3:15:58 PM
and the point of that wassss.....?
on 2/10/2014 12:17:06 PM
I don't think this person knows a thing about history, they just want to "make up" a fake event.
on 2/10/2014 11:58:55 AM
Horribly made, do not recommend.
on 2/9/2014 9:17:24 PM
Educational, but boring.
on 2/9/2014 3:22:06 PM
So basically the choices in this story are:
-Crappy ending 2
Sound blunt? Yeah, I surmised as much.
on 2/9/2014 3:20:37 PM
Show All Comments
Help & Info
Who Is Online
69 guests and
version 20170008 | ChooseYourStory © 2001 - 2018, Halogen Studios Entertainment |