The Price of Freedom: Innocence Lost

Player Rating7.25/8

"#4 overall, #1 for 2014"
based on 6725 ratings since 04/10/2014
played 70,522 times (finished 6,598)

Story Difficulty5/8

"run through the jungle"

Play Length7/8

"It keeps going and going"

Maturity Level6/8

"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably between PG-13 and R.

You are 10 years old when you first feel the weight of shackles around your wrists. In a matter of hours, your whole world is turned upside down as you are dragged away from your home in Greece to work as a slave in the Roman Empire.
Now you must struggle for survival. Every decision you make will affect your future. Will you make friends or enemies? Will you submit to your masters or fight your every command? Will you sell your soul to earn your freedom, or sacrifice everything for the people you love? Will you even survive long enough to see the sun rise?

Player Comments

Wonderful!! From characters to setting to pacing, it all blends together into this little gem!

Characters felt fully fleshed out, each with their own little quirks that lent to personifying them without feeling tacked on padding. Though, one thing of note, I felt Andreas' fellow gladiators needed a little more polish to bring them up to the same level as Alexius and Lula but I'm going to chock that up to more 'screen time' and that you maybe planning for develop them further in the next installment. So, to put it simply, characters are full and robust with just a little polish away from perfection.

Settings were varied and had a sense of identity which I love in stories. My litmus test for this is simply 'Can I switch locations and have, basically, the same scene without major changes?' With how you wrote and sequenced actions events made scenes feel different and defiant which greatly enhanced the believability and, consequently, my investment. That being said, settings got high marks from me.

Pacing was handled well enough. I wish I could have more time with the other gladiators to earn more of a rapport with them but maybe that's just me wanting to spend more time with them so I'm not going to hold that against you. :P So, you did well with pacing.

No major issues with paragraphs or sentence structure to be seen and I didn't notice any major spelling errors but I noticed near the end Lula started acting OOC a little bit (sentiences being too long and using too big words for someone who picked up Latin from overhearing sailors and fellow captives). This was not too big of a slip but it kind of took me out of it for a moment. Besides that, It's a very well written story.

Overall, I give this first part a full 8 in spite of the slight bumps due to how well the rest of it was.

I highly recommend this to everyone and I wish Briar_Rose and Andreas the best in their future endeavors, which I will be watching with much interest.
-- Calicovall on 9/13/2017 8:40:36 AM with a score of 0
There is certainly a lot that can be improved on in the story. If you tried to describe things in more detail, give everything a richer image, that'd pull me and other readers into the atmosphere of the story much better. Also, you could make the fights and such more challenging and engaging if you could decide what your character does in a fight, a bit like what you did with Andreas's first fight with Septimus, except with more choices, so there's room for failure. This would provide tension that both the reader and the character would feel, and success would feel much more rewarding as well.

The only characters that felt real to me were Lula, Brasus, Alexius and Zeru. Lula because of the unique way she speaks, Zeru because he seldom speaks at all, and I can respect him as a person. Brasus, I can relate to him a lot, and I sense the most potential for character development in him, along with Alexius. Now, Caecilia and Septimus. They feel less like people but more like story devices. Septimus's personality is that he's an arrogant, sociopathic prick. The Joffrey Lannister and the Dudley Dursley of the story. Caecilia is the soon-to-be love interest, who's the literal embodiment of childish innocence and empathy. Now, I'm not saying these things are a problem. In fact, having two characters that aren't really people, but more like embodiments of opposite values fits very well into a story like this. If you think about it, it gives it an old-timey, Greek epos feel.

The one and only character that I had an issue with is Rhonde. She made it clear when we first met her that she'll be almost cruelly strict, and if we hate her so much we'll want to kill her, then her method is working. However, during the story, she didn't hold to her promises, at all. I felt like it would've been a lot better if she was as rough and strict with Andreas as she could, because she sees potential in him. She'd try to push him to his absolute limits, to help him achieve that potential. That's what I think would've made her better as a character.

Another thing, the pacing of the story. A bit of prologue before the 'deal' would've been great, so we'd know more about Andreas's home, his friends and what it was like living there, so we'd actually feel sorry when he was taken away. And during his time at the academy, there was pretty much no indication to how much time he actually spent there, until Rhonde mentioned that Lula was only there at the academy for a few months now. Also, I doubt 'minutes' and such existed in that time. Just pointing that out.

But other than that, I enjoyed playing through this one. There's a lot of room for improvement, so I hope you'll read this and try to better your writing. Cheers!
-- Adronius on 9/7/2017 3:12:39 PM with a score of 0
I thought this story was really good and well thought out. I had a lot of fun replaying it, trying to get the ending I wanted. It even distracted me from TWD! The only critique I have is extremely minor in that I wish that, for believability, that more of Lula's dialogue was more choppy and used simpler words if she learned it from other slaves, as is my guess, or even still if she learned it in Ethiopia. Becuause some of the words she remembers would are more complex than the ones she does not. But again, this is still a very minor critique. For something I'd like added, it would have to be maybe some more dialogue options that could better define Andreas's personality and to justify himself more such as when Andreas kills the bleeding out boy, I wish I could've explained to Alexius and Brasus, and even Gerda why I had done it. Also, PLEASE FOR ALL THAT IS RAINBOW add a gay romance option. I know that could be hard to do if you yourself haven't been in a gay relationship, and maybe don't know how, so if you feel uncomfortable with that or don't think you can do it justice, that's fine. I understand, I just feel at this point Ceacilla has been written as Andreas love interest, so I'd just like alternatives, even if that is only just turning her down. Sorry for the long comment, but I when I like something I talk a lot about it, so, yeah. I'll be looking forward to the next part of this amazing story that was so well written I jumped right into it. Thanks. I hope you keep up the good work!
-- Meta on 3/27/2016 10:24:46 PM with a score of 0
HURRY UP WITH THE NEXT ONE
-- Jackert on 9/21/2017 5:56:21 AM with a score of 0
I really liked the story and hope in the next part endrea and caccilia(sorry if i spelled name wrong)get together becausei really like her she seems very nice and good.but very good job????!
-- Hidden girl on 9/19/2017 5:43:00 PM with a score of 0
IT'S AMAZING! The only actually GOOD storygame in this website (in my opinion). When will it update ;3
-- Seespysea on 9/16/2017 10:39:01 AM with a score of 0
cool
-- arsalanbaig on 9/15/2017 11:59:29 AM with a score of 0
Awesome story!! Can't wait for it to be updated ;D
-- Seespysea on 9/13/2017 3:43:36 PM with a score of 0
This was better than Eternal, it should be second place! The only reason it isn't as great as Dead Man Walking is because it's unfinished. Otherwise, both the stories are drop dead perfect. Thank you for being such a great writer!
-- Griseo on 9/10/2017 4:11:35 PM with a score of 0
I really liked the story. It was very well written, and very interesting.
-- Link's Friend on 8/29/2017 4:15:53 AM with a score of 0
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