Undead Persona

Player Rating0/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on ratings since 09/12/2015
played 5,864 times (finished 203)

Story Difficulty6/8

"wandering through the desert"

Play Length8/8

"Even light has to break at the rest stop"

Maturity Level6/8

"i'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably between PG-13 and R.

Play as a human turned-Vampire forced to kill to survive. As a man dying for eternity, you set your mind and body to find and kill the man who made you this way.
Find the light in the blinding rush that is vengeance or embrace the darkness that is your being.

Beware the Zealous and fear the Professor.
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NOTE: You are encouraged to use the 'go back' button if the need ever arises in this game, as death scenes are aplenty. They aren't random though, and if you read and think through every choice survival should be easy enough. Still, it'd be a shame if you stopped playing after a premature ending, so make use of that button! Thanks, and good luck.
Another NOTE: There will be times in the story where 'choices' will be labeled as 'optional'. They aren't necessary to the story, but they add more beef and 'behind the scenes' action to it.
Third NOTE: As of now, there are 4 'official' endings, one of them true, two of them good/evil, and the last practically a loss. There was supposed to be an expansion added to the game where you'd have the choice to leave Kelso, and that path is actually thought out and partly-written already-- however, looking at it realistically I do not have the time nor the motivation to finish it so I'm republishing it on the grounds that it's entirely self-contained.

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HUGE thanks to:
JJJ-thebanisher- for giving extremely helpful advice on how to write fight scenes.
Aman- For urging me to get this finished. 
Drakilian- His evilness is contagious.
Endmaster- Just an inspiring dude.
Sethaniel- Just an inspiring dude (and a judge).
Fleshnblood_78- Also a judge, and a pretty cool dude as well.
Madglee- for hosting the contest which pretty much forced me to finish.
Various teachers who have supported writing and creativity in general.
And the Sonny games by Krin. (As this storygame is loosely inspired from it.)

2nd Place Contest Entry for the 3/1/2015 Post-Apocalyptic Storygame-Tournament!

Player Comments

It started off great; a few typing errors here and there, a bit of confusion over who spoke, but a very interesting premise with rich and delightful characters. The setting felt real and was well-written, with some excellent imagery, and there was a constant feeling of threat and conflict, which kept me on my toes, however . . .

. . . Cecelia was the start of the downfall; she was not developed *at all*, but came across as a love-at-first-sight Mary Sue (even odder when it alienates some people, as well as seemingly goes against the character, and breaks the genre of the story somewhat). I found Kelso to be a potential love-interest, much better than she was, and that it was even hinted at (the fact the hero's gender WAS ambiguous made this easier to believe, too, as he could be gay or straight as one wished to interpret, depending on what gender one assigned him).

Cecelia also marked the point I twigged who the Professor was, which ruined the upcoming element of 'surprise' and big 'twist' . . . I found myself skipping the text of the battle, no longer interested, and forced to endure more of this relationship with Cecelia (seriously, they'd known each other ONE WEEK, why would I - or they - care about their 'romance' when I have a huge battle raging on and deeper philosophical debate to consider)? I managed to guess all options from that point on to get to a good ending, simply as the narrative went from 'original' to 'predictable'.

Yes, it turned out the Professor was EXACTLY whom I thought he was . . . I would have been happy with that, had it been a chance to deeply explore one's loyalties, sense of identity, and the grey side to 'right/wrong' . . . instead it became a black-and-white choice with little explanation as to anything, making everything beforehand seem pointless.

So much potential as a story . . .

Wasted . . .

If this was rewritten WITHOUT Cecilia (or she was given - you know - a personality or some likeable traits), I would give it a much higher rating, but . . . frankly . . . Cecelia pissed me off so much - with her Mary Sue, Love-At-First-Sight, 'Soul Mate' crap - I felt that I was being sucked into a "Twilight" fanfiction by a teenager at that point and wanted to bang my head on a wall.

Probably won't replay.
-- RobinMask on 6/11/2016 11:39:08 AM with a score of 2
Wow. Took me a couple of days but I'm glad I got to the end. The thing this story does well is create an ever-evolving story with rich characters. Needless to say, it was a very good read.

The only thing that degrades this good work would be the constant typos throughout the story, disrupting the flow of the words. I'm sure with just a simple proofread you could have eliminate them all.

Also, this felt more fantasy than post-apocalyptic. What was the apocalypse in this universe? Though what I did like was combining fantasy elements -- like Vampires, with "future" elements, such as the Zealots and armor and such.

Overall a very well-written story. Good work.
-- FazzTheMan on 3/9/2015 12:24:34 AM with a score of 2
I found this very enjoyable, the writing was good and grammatically sound. I don't really read much vampire-based stuff so the story was relatively fresh for me, if not revolutionary. It is fun exploring the different paths but it seems more could be expanded a little more, I found the ending a bit speculative. Nevertheless I found it an enjoyable read and a good story game :D
-- Will11 on 3/1/2015 2:35:30 AM with a score of 0
Excellent
-- travis on 1/1/2017 10:42:34 PM with a score of 2
It was long and beautiful. The fight scenes were very descriptive and gave me a good grasp of what was happening. The story was also different, one of the twists involving Kelso. The poem in the end was also a very nice touch.
-- Zulutrader on 12/20/2016 10:20:20 AM with a score of 2
Fun, with unexpected twists of the plot. I would definitely recomend it.
-- Elijah on 11/16/2016 11:00:16 AM with a score of 2
Was definitely a fun story. I enjoyed it a lot :D
-- Immerael on 10/9/2016 5:06:14 PM with a score of 2
Aside from all the spelling and grammar errors it's a good story, though a bit predictable. Played and got all the endings.
-- BigRonn77 on 8/26/2016 12:55:24 PM with a score of 2
"Hi"- David
-- mater227 on 6/4/2016 1:49:08 AM with a score of 2
great 10/10
took about an hour and 15 minutes to complete
-- cread on 6/1/2016 11:27:18 AM with a score of 2
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