What if

Player Rating2.64/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 103 ratings since
played times (finished )

Story Difficulty1/8

"no possible way to lose"

Play Length2/8

"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"

Maturity Level1/8

"appropriate for all ages"
Stories with this maturity level will not, by design, have any potentially objectionable content. An example of a type story with this rating would be a quiz on mathematics.

I first want everyone to know that this is my very first story. I decided to do something simple, and short, again like I said this is extremely short so don't be surprised. Please give me your feedback, and tell me what you like and don't like, I hope you enjoy.

Player Comments

I'll admit, it was short. It was strangely connected, and had no plot. But something about it left me at peace. Maybe it was that even though at maximum I had three or four actions, they still changed the game a lot.

What I'm saying is while this is nowhere near a complete game and should not be treated as such, it does give a glimpse of what you're capable of. I think if you hone your skills, increase the play length, and add a bit more for each turn you could really make something beautiful.

All in all? You have potential, you might get some negative reviews, but if you keep trying and improving you've got the making of much more.
-- Nieol on 12/23/2015 2:09:02 PM
Weird this seems...

Okay in immersion, but wording errors were there (grammar or spelling). A well detailed story stub.

I see soms potential here, but you can't show it unless you show a good story. Get a proofreader, devote more time to your storygames, and increase not only the length but also the details, because plot seems half a step above nil.

Hopefully next time it won't a game where boredom is the choice. 3/8.
-- AgentX on 3/4/2017 6:50:24 PM
Short but I like it:)
-- Jessica on 2/27/2017 7:22:39 AM
As you said, it was very short, and yet it did connect with me emotionally in that very short period of time. There were a couple of small grammar errors - I noticed a 'your' instead of a 'you're' for example. Nevertheless, I hope you decide to make a longer story because you have a good way with words.
-- tjwilliams555 on 2/15/2017 4:41:04 AM
Not much to it. What is there describes joy very well. I'd like to see this story grow. I think the writer shows promise for the future. =-D
-- Quorrah on 1/18/2017 5:15:01 PM
Interesting premise to base a storygame on, but it was not executed well.
It was much too short, and just when I started getting into it, it ended too early, and with a "it was just a dream" - an ending I'm not very fond of in any sort of story, unless the buildup to that conclusion was well written.
The writing was beautiful, with barely any noticeable grammar mistakes. If this was longer, I would have given it a much better score.
4/8.
-- Seto on 1/16/2017 12:57:01 AM
It was creative, but really, a dream ending? Also a bit too short. I'm working on my first storygame too though, and I probably wouldn't do any better.
-- Campmixup on 12/14/2016 8:48:09 PM
When you write a story about lucid dreaming.
-- Digit on 10/26/2016 10:19:55 AM
im peter pan!!!!! oh wait....
-- epix on 10/13/2016 8:12:03 PM
Beautiful, but short and slightly boring. That's all I have to say :3
-- Jayheart4Ever on 3/7/2016 3:42:36 PM
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