World Wars: Beach Landings

Player Rating3.96/8

"#438 overall, #36 for 2014"
based on 119 ratings since 06/25/2015
played 922 times (finished 107)

Story Difficulty5/8

"run through the jungle"

Play Length2/8

"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"

Maturity Level5/8

"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.

-Republished until "Remastered" comes out.

 

With the world at war, deadly weapons are used.  Can you invade the fortified beaches?

First game in "World Wars" series.

 

Player Comments

You lost my respect with your description: "Quite linear, but a nice story!" and I will tell you why. First of all, being linear is a serious issue with CYOS. It is not something you hand-wave, not unless your writing is damn amazing, and it's still a flaw even then.

Two, if you have to console me about a game's flaws before I even play it, I immediately lose interest. Three, I hate being told "this is really good" by the writer. Show. SHOW me it's good, don't tell. It sounds both arrogant and insecure to put that in your game summary.

You just ... do not tell the reader how to feel about your game. Now, I understand if you put a warning: "This is my first story game, please be kind" or "this is really bloody, some of you may not like it," because that's different.

That's asking for constructive criticism when you're just starting out (rather than flames,) or just respecting the sensitivities of other people.

The story itself isn't bad, but this place is for story -games-. If a game is linear and not challenging, it tends to be boring. Honestly, your writing is pretty good, but I think you could've done better and I find it even worse that you -know-, because you pointed out yourself that the game is too linear. I hate to see a story fail to live up to its full potential.
-- Kiel_Farren on 9/20/2014 9:41:28 AM with a score of 0
I see potential in the theme of this storygame, but I feel it wasn't done as well as it could have been.

First of all, it was incredibly easy to get to the 'true' ending, and in fact I managed it in one go. Props to you for making it so more sensible choices resulted in progress and the opposite true for reckless decisions, but I felt this was too true in this game. For example, it's very obvious that you shouldn't, as a lone footsoldier in an exposed area, try to shoot at heavy machine gunners behind solid cover. It's clearly better for survival to get behind cover yourself.

I always hate those 'east or west corridor' kind of choices when the author gives no indication of any difference between them. Your left or right side of the crate thing was no exception. On top of that, the player's decision had absolutely no effect on the story. There were other choices where I felt it should have branched off into different paths due to different things happening but they led you through the same path. More branches would have been nice.

I agree with Fazz and I didn't really feel anything when the protagonist died at the end. You rushed pretty much straight away into action with no stories to tell about the other soldiers, although you mention that they did have their own stories. There was at least some story for the protagonist, but I think you could have done with developing the soldiers' backgrounds more. I did like the way you wrote parts of the letter in between the main story but I can't help but feel it would have been more powerful had we gotten to know the main character more.

Your writing style is pretty good and you were fairly descriptive. There was the odd part where I did question your choice of words, but overall it was well done in this aspect.

Another storygame for this could be good but I would want you to improve upon this one.
-- 31TeV on 9/9/2014 9:50:05 AM with a score of 0
Eh. Kind of iffy, I feel as though more effort could have been put in.

Well, here is the first problem: I just read a storygame, in which a heroic soldier died in one of history's most famous onslaughts, yet, I didn't shed a feeling about the protaganist at all. He had friends/family back home, and he was leaving them behind, he took wounds, he died, it just didn't affect me at all. I think you need to amp your character development. You need to build onto the character, show what they are feeling. Thinking. Not just, "You walk over there and shoot a dude,", no, please make sure to make it so that the reader FEELS like they are the protaganist, flesh 'n' blood. Instead of me going "eh," when the protaganist dies, you should make me feel something. That's the key in character development.

Character development isn't al about YOU (protaganist), keep in mind, it is also other people. So, instead of reffering to your fellow soldiers as "comrades" or "brothers", you could describe them and such etc.

Going with this, the writing could also be perfected. It wasn't the worst I've seen, no, but I definently felt that it could be worded, written, and described better. So, instead of "You ran up to the dude and shot him," you could sculpture out the scene and paint images in the reader's head, as well as facturing in the protaganist's own thoughts.

If you are going to write a historical story like this, I think you should do some research on World War II, specifically Normandy Beach. We just have a unranked soldier running around, shooting people, dodging machine gun fire, and breaching out bunkers. I'm 100% sure that is not how Normandy Beach went down. I haven't done research in Normandy Beach, because that's your job, but I remember this old game called Call of Duty 2: Big Red One. Anyways, there was this one Normandy Beach mission, and it had you with a SQUAD as (INSERT RANK HERE BECAUSE I FORGOT) while you cleared out machine gun nests.

The point I'm trying to make is that you should, in order to make your story //that// much more realistic, incorporate actually happenings from Normandy Beach into this story. For example, I'm completely sure that each soldier was in some sort of unit or squad, not just walking around, by themselves, clearing out bunkers. That doesn't seem realistic at all.

4/8. Consider these, man.

And I'm supportive of this as well, although the final present. should be better.
-- Fazz on 9/2/2014 10:17:55 PM with a score of 0
Big Fat Cheater
-- Mistery on 3/30/2018 9:33:43 PM with a score of 0
It's a really good, but short story. It could do with a little more choices. I really look forward to the next in the series! Keep up the good work!
-- Meru on 3/23/2018 4:10:27 PM with a score of 0
Wow! Its better than homework! (I dont do homework.)
-- DoodleCup on 3/16/2018 7:49:49 PM with a score of 0
I like the topic but you could have made it a multiple ending story.
-- warfthecat on 3/14/2018 11:50:14 AM with a score of 0
SPOILER So my character is meant to die? I can't figure any way around it.
-- Quorrah on 2/26/2017 9:36:36 PM with a score of 0
This was a good read, wish there was a bit more story and it wasn't so linear.
-- CowBoySkinnyLinny on 12/10/2016 5:13:34 PM with a score of 0
Anti-naval guns, huh? German flak guns or artillery would be better words.

A tank landing at the beachhead? Must be one of those DD Sherman tanks. Most of em' got destroyed before they managed to do any damage.

Which one is this? Omaha?

Research more about the D-Day. Things should be more historical and realistic.

There are some possibilities for destorying the German MG42 nests and artillery emplacements. Such as bringing the flamethrowers or satchel charges.

Shouldn't be about a man going all Call of Duty on the Krauts. Stick with your squad.

This definitely needs a rework, and you should study more about WW2.
-- Raven47 on 9/20/2016 12:20:16 PM with a score of 0
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