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Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago

As I settle down to write this eve, and get ready to crunch, I thought I'd share ...

This is what I'm listening to as I write:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tE9xYUmPaZ0

Tonight my goal is to complete several scenes I started earlier. One of the scenes is a murder in a polo stable ... took me forever to figure out the murder weapon that fit ... farriers rasps, hoof knives, hay knives and even hay-bale hooks all failed epically to make the cut (pun intended)

Anyone have suggestions for things one can use? .... Requirements are: tools and items used in a polo stable, 19th century American or English tools only, no Russian hand sickles allowed, sorry and the tool must be able to be used by a weakling to cut the throat of a much superior and attractive specimen of a man ... jealousy is such great motivation, if a bit cliche tropish, don't you think?

I'll be checking in from time to time as I write, so everyone enjoy the weekend night. Or not. lol.

 

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago
Does it have to be a throat cutting? The old hoof picks in my grandpa's barn always looked so murdery, like they were specifically designed to be buried in a human skull.

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago

For these murders -- it is a signature of the killers. They always slit throats.

The hoof pick would be a great murder weapon, but like the farrier's rasp, they could only puncture the throat, not slice it.

-- I would use a hand sickle, but I'm already using one in the garden murder.

 

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago
Can they just tampered one of the metallic pieces of the old times uniform, like Belt brooches or even some of the horse's chair. I would use a sharpened horseshoe for the purpose

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago

Some random piece of crap might work, maybe that is what will happen in the ice house. I can always count on you to help me figure out murder and mayhem. The killers don't have time to sit there and sharpen dull shit. 

I think I had you read one of the blood-rose murders already ... this is more of their murders.

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago
Yeah, you show me two. In old times the had lot of metallic. crap in their clothes and in horse stuff. So I really found strange that they don't have at least a pocket knife to dealt with cords and all the materials in a area with horses and all that.

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago

Everyone carries belt knives ... but they are boring to keep useing over and over and over ... I mean even using piano wire is more fun than the knife after a while :)

 

 

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago
You don't need to chain yourself to a particular type of throat death. A lot of writers seem to allow the story to control them, rather than controlling the story.

What makes being sliced to death so much more important rather than punctured to death?

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago
It is a cultural thing, for instance, the idea of being sliced the neck and be drained from your blood, was considered a worst dead than being hit with a mace or something blunt weapon. In the old days of Galicia. In fact the old people. tales always have people being guted of ripped like a pig.

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago


What makes being sliced to death so much more important rather than punctured to death?

It is part of the main story's theme. In order to identify them later in the story, there are consistent things that happen or that they do that you'll recognize as the protagonist of the story.

There will be other deaths and killings (one with a chair leg, for example)  but the ones with the slit throats are specific antagonists in the story

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago

Here is a snippet from one of the murders:

Feeling skin part as the knife edge slices into your throat, the Lady continues: “If you promise not to fight your death, I will let your lover bury your body on the Estate’s grounds... otherwise he will be forced to dig the grave outside of the city’s walls. Either way he will need to dig the blood-rose completely out of your hand. Please do not prolong this torture.”
Sobbing to yourself, you notice just how red the miniature rose tied into your life-line looks. “Kill me swiftly.”
Cupping your chin in her hand, she finishes cutting your throat. The Lady forces you to look at the spider as your life fades away, blood falling over the spider’s silken web. “It is natural for the spider to feed on what it catches, wouldn’t you agree, dear?”

Enjoy a bit of murder... such a good way to spend the morning.

 

I am thinking, next time I design a set of murders, it might be fun to give everyone here a chance to help... it might be fun to see what happens.

 

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago
I feel like I need a bit of context here, this wasn't the cheerful serial killing I had in mind.

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago

This killing is showing a death-sight murder, done prior in the past ... in this game, one of the mechanics is that you sometimes experience the last moments of life first hand of other's death. The blood-rose is a rose that was developed specifically for this game-world.

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago
Well, a hoof knife is an actual blade, just with a blunt curled-over tip.

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago

Thanks @BerkaZerka!

I asked a couple of experienced horse owners if one of those would work, but they both agreed that the average blade with curve is a bit small/odd to successfully cut a throat. Since they are my goto for all things horse related, I deferred to them.

One of them said in modern times they sell combo hay/ hoof knives like the picture below but that they didn't have them in the 1880s ...

I'm going to write the scene such that I can revise or change the actual weapon later if I want to and use the generic knife for now. At least I am not the only one that thought such a blade might work. But if experienced horse owners don't believe the scene because of a flaw, then I want to try to stick with something that I know will work for sure.

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago
Okay, they SAID it wouldn't cut a throat, but did any of them truly try?

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago

I suspect not. Neither of them admitted to, at least.

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago

If they put a horse down a long time ago, the jaw is just a few minutes at any carpenter's place from being a fully functioning meat cleaver. It's got an edge along the bottom and is weighted just right.

Vintage aged half horse jaw bone taxidermy. | Etsy
Granted, it's more of a chopper than a slicer, but, y'know, far be it from me to question anybody coming at some dude with it.

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago
It comes in pretty handy anytime you need to kill 1000 Philistines with your mutant strength, too.

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago

If it's in the 1800s and the Polo field has groundskeepers, there's also bound to be billhooks around. Again, this is more of a chopping weapon that would cause big hacking wounds rather than the execution-style throat slices of fancy murderers, but if it's going to be some slackwristed incel fighting a mighty fellow, this is probably the sort of leverage you would want. In theory, you could create a throat-slicing effect by slamming the spiked end into the neck and then pulling the knife parallel to how it landed.

If there are big trees and bushes around the polo field, they might be billhooks with long handles. Which, again, creates more reach and leverage for the weakling to overpower the unfortunate ape with. Due to the fact that they're used to hack up branches and all that, they probably won't be murderer-sharp unless the billhook was sharpened very recently, which would probably create raggedy cuts that stop bleeding more quickly, in case the victim needs to live long enough to utter some mysterious last words. If it's in the southern/western united states, however, they probably started using machetes.

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago

There are groundskeepers, so billhooks might work. I'll have to consider this.

In theory, you could create a throat-slicing effect by slamming the spiked end into the neck and then pulling the knife parallel to how it landed.
 

This is more of a throat being torn out; interesting and brutal enough to work but still outside the game mechanics at this point. 

Due to the fact that they're used to hack up branches and all that, they probably won't be murderer-sharp

Ya -- I thought about that. I have the victim sharpening the murder weapon in the opening of the scene, to make sure the blade/whatever is murder-sharp enough. Most knives would need sharpening daily in the work environment anyways, but it made sense to cover this first.

 

It looks like I can pick your brain for good feedback, so thank you for posting :)

Edit:

If it's in the southern/western united states, however, they probably started using machetes.

The setting is actually a fictional world, a mish-mash of London and St. Louis with these murders taking place more in the London parts.

 

 

 

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago
Have you considered a garroting from behind with baling wire? It might be a little too thick of gauge to easily cut in like a throat-slitting, but it's suitably backstabby. Also it was invented in the 1800s.

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago

I'll keep this possibility in mind but I'm wrapping the scene up now ... after dinner I'll be working on the next scene and I'll be coming back to this one later.

I'll be posting an update on the next scene when I get back.

 

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago
I know I'm a bit late on this one, but maybe for a further scene: if the throat slitting is such a signature and important thing for the murderer to do, I don't see why they couldn't have a simple razor blade hidden anywhere on themselves, for just such an occasion...

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago

This is a good thought and there will be time to explore this within the narrative arc as it continues.

My main goal in the introduction was to introduce all the main NPC characters, including these two antagonists. Establishing the base characteristics should allow surprises such as the hidden razor blades to be more impactful in later acts. In Act 3, the two antagonists will be at their primacy and this is where they will need to use such tricks.

I was also thinking about hair combs for the sister ... hair pins can't slice but specialty combs can be made to accomplish the goal. The brother will have a few things hidden in his top hats, with the razors hidden in the felt ribbon ring of the top hat. I might even make a throw away mad hatter character, since the historical insanity dove-tails nicely into the main arc.

I'll name the mad hatter Ogre while iun the developmental stage, so thank you.

 

 

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago

Here I am on Day Two ...

I'm listening to -- Unknown. I haven't made up my mind on tonight's music

I finished the Elevator Death-sight Scene. It ended up being 12,000 words, of which I wrote about 4,000 last night. Thanks for the feedback; it helped me realize how hard it might be carrying the slasher theme for the entire game. At least three of the four acts will have this main narrative arc in it, so this will require some work.

Tonight I am starting the Marketplace Scene for the Intro Act. This scene is a slice-of-life world-building elements. Three (3) of the six friendship/romantic options will be introduced to the reader in this scene. There will be three different vignettes to experience here, but unlike the last night locations, these are static and going to be reused throughout the game in the next Act.

Assuming the scene will be about as long as the last, I will need to write 6,000 words tonight.

Like last night, I'll check in as I write. Everyone enjoy the night. Or not, again.

 

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago

Yesterday was mostly a waste as far as word-count goes but was a success as far as planning and outlining.

Each of the the romantic/friendship options will have their intro in a separate location ...  the fun dialogue to write should be the preacher and the spiritualist.

Here is the start of the scene:

Leaving behind the elevator’s ramp, you disembark onto a cavern broad enough that you feel a change in the air. Failing to light the vast expanse of darkness entirely, the phlogiston gas-lit lamps on poles never-the-less provide a safe path forward. Seeing neither ceiling nor walls, there is only the suggestion of an open area wide enough to house several manor houses and their outbuildings.


“What is this place?” Throwing out the question, you absently itch at your hand. The blood-rose’s thorn piercing your life-line on your palm feels like an ingrown hair wiggling its way beneath your skin.


“It’s called the ‘Courtyard’.” Raphael’s hushed voice informs you. “For hundreds of years, the armies would gather here before going off to fight the Murmurfolk or to defend against Upper City raids.” Seeing Dove nod at Raphael’s words, you get the idea that this place is somehow significant to them. Carefully moving from lit island to lit island, the damp and clammy air surrounding you barely stirs. “This will take us to the marketplace."

My inspiration for this world is Baldur's Gate 2 game design, Nighthawk's Kick-starter, Fall-Out 1-2 and NLV ... After working on this project for a bit, I found out that Dave Gilbert and his team (the writers of Nighthawks) worked on Sunless Seas and Fallen London. Before I found this out it drove me crazy when my test-readers would say I remind them of Fallen London ... now that I see the connections, I understand why they would say that now.

Luckily, I am working on this project with two others, so their sanity will balance out my "creativity" ... at least that is the hope :)

AND I don't have to code. Did I mention I love writing but I hate coding? lol

 

 

 

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago
Although I am not quite where I need to be this weekend with my writing, I do see the light at the end of the tunell. I thought I'd share a snippet of my writing, to hold everyone over until I finish my crunch up and I can collect my thoughts on it to share.

======================================================================================

Page Break

Regaining your self awareness, you find yourself strapped down on a doctor’s examination table, with the hand that the blood-rose is attached to, isolated from the rest of your body, held tight in an operating vise. “What is this?” Looking around in confusion, you see Eve standing over your hand, bent over, close to your palm, examining the intersection of the blood-rose, vamperic root and your life-line. “What are you doing?”

“Trying to save the blood-roses life, Exotic One.” Eve, somewhat distracted, continues her efforts with the blood-rose. “You fainted. That is not usually the reaction to eating a blood-apple, not even with a blood-rose attached to your life-line. Something else interfered and your mind went into a temporary coma-state. Very unexpected.”

“Why am I tied down?” Failing to understand, you test your restraints but find they are secure enough to frustrate your efforts to free yourself, for now. “Why are you doing this?”

“You came to deliver the blood-rose, did you not, Exotic One?” Seeing your nod, Eve continues talking. “When you went into a coma, the blood-rose began hemorrhaging blood at its thorn, drawing your life and soul out. There was no time to waste. I dragged you over to my workroom, strapped you into the bed and began working to save both your life and the blood-rose’s life.” Using a surgical knife and a stapler, Eve cuts into your hand, while preventing the bleeding from increasing. “You have a choice to make, Exotic One. We’ve come to a crossroads, which is why I induced you to wake up. I can amputate your hand, and this will save both you and the blood-rose. Or I can attempt to sever the tie that the blood-rose has to you. If you chose the latter course, I can concentrate on saving the blood-rose or concentrate to minimize the damage to your body. Whatever you decide will have consequences.”

“What are the consequences?” Fearing the unknown, you once again feel that you have no control over what happens to you, even if you are given this choice. “What do you suggest?”

“All the consequences are unknown … the best case scenario is we save both the blood-rose, and we minimize the damage to you. The worse case scenario is that the blood-rose fights my attempts to detach it from you and causes massive heart-failure. You must decide now, Exotic One.”
Choice Option 5a: “Save my hand, Eve!”
Choice Option 5b: “Do what you feel is best, Eve.”
Choice Option 5c: “Take the hand, if it is needed to save the blood-rose, Eve.”

If Option 5a, 5b, 5c:
“It would be best to prepared for the worst. I doubt this will end well for you.” Shaking her head, Eve places a raw hide gardening glove into your mouth and sets out various bone saws, clamps and knives. Seemingly, she even begins heating a specialized cauterizing knife over a phlogiston lamp’s flame. “This will hurt, Exotic One.”

“I don’t understand, Eve. The elevator mechanic said the blood-rose would not set very deep within me and that it would be a simple procedure to remove it.”

“The blood-rose had a bad interaction with the blood-apple, within you … I’ve never seen this happen in all my years tending this garden.” Alternating icy and lava-hot bolts crawl from your life-line in your palm to your heart, searing your soul along the way with the pain that accompanies them. “Once you make enough coin, you can visit a beauty salon for a new hand. It isn’t like this hand was your original anyways.”

“What do you mean?”

“These stitches are all attaching different body parts to you. You didn’t think you were born looking like this, do you?” With a sudden comprehension dawning, you begin to see yourself in a new light. What part of you is actually you? “The work is masterful, Exotic One, which is why you are so exotic. I’m sure the beautician will do passable work. At least until you can go back to your specialist and get new work done by them.”

With each snip of stitch, each cut into flesh, a ripple of icy and then hot pain travels the path from hand to heart. Biting into the glove when the pain is at its worse is all you can do. With each passing moment, you begin to realize that Eve isn’t even trying to save your hand, only the blood-rose. “How much longer is this going to take, Eve?”

“Not much longer, Exotic One. We’ll have you up and about in time for your dinner at the Chow House.” With that you let Eve do her work in silence and pass the time away as well as you can.

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago
I'm not quite sure I understand all this blood rose stuff, but the 'itchy wiggling ingrown hair' description was gross and I do not think I'd want this thing touching me anymore, or ever.

Particularly when hands are apparently easily replaceable.

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago
I don't expect you to understand it with only the parts reviewed here. Thank you for the complimentary feedback. A Blood-rose is this world's equivilent of the lottery. The payoff is such that those that win it, or nuture the blood-rose to maturity in-game, will be set for life and will be in the top 1% ... the difference is, those that lose this lottery lose a lot more than just coin.

All body parts, except for the skull, are replaceable, but again there is a cost and that cost can be quite high. The reader is finding out through the blood-rose and other incidents that happen during this introductory act that even memories can be replaced, taken or given.

If the reader wants nothing to do with blood-roses after this amputation, that will be a choice. The reader will also have the choice to try to destroy every single last one of them, or to try to hit the jack-pot themselves later. The entire blood-plant arc is a sidequest that will be available to pursue if the reader chooses in acts two and three.

Personally, I don't blame anyone not wanting to have a vampiric plant attached to their life -- heart and soul, but a lot of readers will find the vampire angle attractive, especially as they delve into that aspect of this world.

As always -- thank you for the feedback. :)

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago
TEAM BURN ALL THE ROSES!!! BURN BURN BURN THEM...

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago
Yes at a glance that sounds like the path I'd be going with. That rose ain't right.

If only Ebon were still here, he has experience in these matters.

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago
When I start working on the blood garden scenes, I'll try to bring more snippets here; feedback is always fun, even when it crushes our delicate writing feelings.

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago
This week has been a frustrating week from the productivity perspective. I spent a lot of time trying to get files compiled, edited, "repaired" and into the proper hands and very little time making forward progress.

The fun part for me is that I get to turn to world-building and game design, building the UI and UX elements that make or break a game. UI = User Interface and UX = User Experience.

The UI is pretty standardized in a Choicescript game, but there are still different ways of changing things up and organizing stats and information, some better than others.

The UX is core to a design's philosophy. The experience of a reader can vary wildly just by changing one element or another. The part of the game I am in the process of working on now is essential to the reader's experience, so it will be a system that is tested multiple times and in different ways.

Because the reader will be spending a lot of their "down-time" in this area, I want to make sure that it doesn't get stale too fast. Instead of being a "click-bait" plot point (where a reader clicks as fast as possible to get to other parts of the game) I want to create some unique mini-arcs available only in this area.

One such arc I am working on is allowing the reader to invent a "new" type of alchoholic drink that becomes socially popular in the game world. So, even if the protagonist fails at everything else, they can have their epilogue show that their drink became part of the party scene for decades and even a century later.

Well, I am going to go binge a few episodes of Netflix and Amazon Prime shows, so I'll see everyone later.

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

one month ago
Interesting, due myself being a ferocious abstemious person, the concept of creating something Player and protagonist hates. But due I love your universe. But I HATE everyone in it as they are a bunch of greedy assholes. I would trying during the testing create the most viciously addictive beverage posible that messed up with people. PROBABLY I WILL INVENT COCA COLA.

Seriously, Eiwynn are you sure having me as your. principal tester?! I still love you even if everyone else would think you are crazy for that decision.

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

29 days ago
sigh. Mara -- *sigh*

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

29 days ago
This is my Eiwynn :hugs:

Eiwynn's Thoughts -- Thread One

17 days ago
Nothing new this week -- downtime is extended.