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Year 5: January

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So here we are again, several factions disagreeing with each other, talks breaking down, tensions at an all time high, y’know the usual.

Looks like another faction war is brewing to thin out the bad blood between the factions that never seems to go away.

Yep, same old map. More or less.

Once again it will be up to YOU to guide you’re faction through these violent times. Whether you manage to do it or not all depends on your choices, skill and strategy.

(Or just mostly roll well and get lucky with your card draws)

As you’re just taking inventory of your supplies and giving orders to your expedition party. The radio has picked up some strong signals about various things that might be of interest.

Radio Signals

1. Mercenary group chatter. Signal coming from 79

2. Reports of unknown combat drones have been buzzing around everyone’s towns. Reports also say they’re heading towards 63

3. Announcers are going on about horse racing at 52

4. Messengers have been going missing on their routes. Particularly at area 44

5. A team of engineers are calling for an escort. Signal coming from 32

6. Reports of blinking lights coming from a platform at 97

7. Reports of Ellis Island being overrun by boatloads of mutants at 41

8. Dirty Slots Casino welcomes everyone to come to the grand re-opening where you are free to relax from the horrors of the wasteland as long as you have the money! See us off Route 28!

“Everyone except those cocksucking Mormon faggots that attacked us at Battle Mountain constantly all those years ago! I ain’t forgotten that shit! And the Wild Cards can go fuck themselves too! We protected your sorry asses from those religious fanatics and betraying us was the thanks we got? You’re dead! All of you!” - Phil Contralto

(The Prophets and the Wild Cards have been banned from Dirty Slots)

Autism. Autism never changes.

Year 5: February

Significant News

1. The Regulators made an unprecedented number of trade routes last month. While the group may be always on on the move now they haven’t forgotten the need to maintain relationships with their neighbors even managing to make head way with the normally isolationist types like the Beasts and Wild Cards.

2. Buzzard TV caught a slaughter between the the Road Kings and their defectors the Vanguard. Apparently it wasn’t just personal but also business as a vital resource was claimed after the Road Kings beat the chicken soup out of their opponents. According to Buzzard TV this was one of the highest rated season premieres of SNLL yet.

“Dead from head to toe, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE LEAK!” - CEO Enter making a personal brief appearance to announce the season premiere

3. The Prophets of Ezekiel discovered where all those combat drones have been buzzing by everyone’s towns have been coming from. Apparently from an old military facility called Echo Base. Besides the drones, heavy radiation is in the area making it hazardous to even approach. It seemed so daunting that even the Prophets asked for assistance, but got no takers. 

One can only hope that merely leaving it alone won’t result in any great danger in the future.

“Yeah it’s probably fine. Trust in Ezekiel, brother.” - Typical Prophet saying when things look bad

4. Wild Cards continue to torment Don Phil Contralto by flying their bomber over the casino and dump massive amounts of waste on the place. One can only wonder where the Wild Cards even acquired so much, but when it comes to the Wild Cards it’s probably best not to ask.

No damage was done, other than the casino smelling awful for weeks. It’s reported that Phil had much to say about the incident, but the amount of expletives is probably too long to list here.

“…until their assholes turn blue!” - last bit of Phil’s 10 hour tirade

Current Events

1. The Preservationists have opened up a Trade Delegation inviting all the major powers to participate.

This turn all major powers may draw one spoils card. Whoever draws the highest valued card, receives all of them.

Year 5: March

Significant News

1. New Separatists seem to be expanding their influence despite the insistence that CEO Enter is nothing like his expansionist predecessor President Pride and has pointed out there has been nothing but peaceful trade and stating there is no better way to unite people that through the free market! He went on to say they have just recently opened up a trading hub for all to visit for anything they might need.

“Come on down to Enter’s Emporium! Right near the beautiful city of Albany and located in the mountains for maximum protection! Open 24/7! Watch out for the radiation on the western side!” - New Separatist Commerical

(Trading Options are at this location)

2. Speaking of expansion, Buzzard TV caught a skirmish between Sigma Corp and The Preservationists as usual over resources in the north east. Though Sigma Corp did have claim on that site before the Canadians came and just took it. For a group that supposedly cherishes wisdom and learning, they were fairly brutal in their methods. This has caused several living on the border to fear a full blown invasion in the nearby future, installing Sharia Law no doubt.

Due to nobody actually dying however, the footage was considered to be the lowest rated this year on SNLL.

3. And in more news of spreading out, the Contraltos have recently acquired the Churchill Downs racetrack at 52. Apparently Don Phil made the former owners an offer they couldn’t refuse. Mainly because he killed them.

In any case, if you like gambling and prefer the smell of horse shit instead of dog shit dropped from the sky then Churchill Downs might be just the place to serve your addiction.

“Under new and better management folks! And you don’t have to worry about any of those religious assholes or flying douchebags here either!” - Phil

(The Prophets and Wild Cards have been banned from Churchill Downs)

Current Events

1. The Mexican civil war still rages, though it’s looking like Los Centinelas are strongly in favor of winning, pushing Los Intermediarios back to their capital. Is a new regime coming soon?

2. A little north of the Mexican chaos, something is stirring deep in the desert. Travelers mention groups of robed mutants setting up multiple obelisks that make a low humming sound. They've been spreading eastward from The Chosen Hole. For what purpose nobody knows and nobody’s asking them either.

Radio Signals

1. There’s a cry for help and something about raiders. Sounds like a little girl. Signal coming from 47

Year 5: April

Significant News

1. In an unprecedented act of surprising brutality, the Regulators raided Neptune’s Wrath resulting in complete destruction of the faction.

It seemed to be a combined effort by the Regulators and long time rivals of Neptune, Red River though there seems to be some confusion on if the Preservationists also had something to do with re-directing most of the security away before the battle.

In any case Buzzard TV managed to capture some of the footage and without any sort of protective force in place, the hapless citizens of Neptune were viciously slaughtered without quarter.

“STOP! Let’s think about this, seriously! NOOOOOOOO!” - Alton Goldwater, only survivor of the USS Wasp massacre

Leader of Red River, Rene himself was there maniacally laughing the entire time. It was he who set charges to blow up the entire carrier as the group fled the scene.

“Now that’s RED! Hahahahahahahaha!” - Rene

Rene went on to boast about how this was ultimately justice and making the Fallen Land a safer place in the long run. After all, a faction with a mobile air craft carrier is a pretty serious threat to the balance of power, which is ultimately a threat to peace.

The Regulators were unavailable for questioning, but one thing’s for sure, for a group that considers themselves to be righteous law bringers, they did something very questionable that dark day.

“NO COMMENT.” - Captain Amerizala

2. Not to be outdone in committing atrocities, perhaps less surprising is the incident involving the New Separatists gunning down a bunch of innocent civilians.

“Not again! SHIT, HEY STOP FILMING THIS!”

The group that did it, protested and claimed their innocence, saying they really meant to be gunning down Canadians invading the country. Whether this is true or not makes no difference, innocent Americans were killed. The fact remains that a faction as wealthy and powerful as the NS should be able to afford proper scanners or even a fucking compass and open their eyes to know what a damn Canadian looks like.

3. Finally in perhaps the only uplifting story is that Sigma Corporation was able to expel the Canadian terrorists from our borders with extreme force and retake territory. It is good that some beacons of light still shine in this Fallen Land.

SNLL played the highlights of the battle repeatedly for ratings and patriotism (But mostly for ratings)

“America First!”

Current News

1. And now a word from the leader of the Angels of Mercy, Warren Ripley

“It is with a heavy heart that I have to even deliver this message, but someone must speak out against the recent war crimes made by certain factions. I am disappointed in all that have participated in such foul deeds, but especially the Regulators who should know better. Never Again. That’s what was agreed to 4 years ago when President Pride first burned Iowa City. Yes, we rebuilt but it shouldn’t have been necessary in the first place.

And now another light in the darkness has been snuffed out by those who were supposed to defend it.

I am warning ALL of you, I don’t care who it is. Could be the Regulators, the New Separatists, Red River or anyone! Continue these actions and there will be dire consequences! I’m serious!

And Sigma Corp, I know you're one of the good ones when we served together briefly. Keep doing what you're doing defending us from terrorists.”

Angels of Mercy will not trade with Regulators, New Separatists, Red River and the Preservationists

Angels of Mercy have opened a trade route with Sigma Corporation

2. What was stirring in the desert has finally shown its presence in a very spectacular and horrifying way.

“THE SLEEPER HAS AWAKENED!” - A Chosen fanatic before he was swallowed whole.

A giant mutant worm has been drawn to the surface by the humming obelisks the Chosen have been planting all over the desert. Already its destroyed a known resource center at the edge of the Chosen Hole, but it’s only a matter of time before it starts heading eastward drawn by the others…

Year 5: May

Significant News

1. After all the warcrimes that happened, last month was fairly calm as far as faction actions go. The only thing of note was that the New Separatists recently repelled a wave of mutant immigrants landing on Ellis Island. One can assume this is an attempt to repair their reputation. It’s a small step.

Current News

1. The Chosen continue to set up their obelisks eastward. They can now be seen north of Shreveport, home of Red River (At 80). Reports say there’s a horde of them, but the worm still seems to be wreaking havoc near the Chosen Hole for now.

As the Worm Turns: The giant worm is doing enough damage to the ground that it’s creating permanent massive craters in the earth making future movement difficult without flying over. (Craters are 3 movement each no matter what your bonuses are, unless you have some sort of flying vehicle)

2. The tides of the civil war in Mexico seem to have gone back to a stalemate. Los Intermediarios have sent out a call for more mercenaries. They claim any help will be remembered and rewarded. Los Centinelas have also made a similar offer.

3. Reports say that Phil Contralto has some jobs that need doing. Inquire at Dirty Slots for more information.

Radio Signals

When the Road Kings finally tracked down the signal at 47, all that could found was an old doll with a tape recorder inside it. Lacking any other idea, the play button was pressed and the sounds of old ice cream truck music shortly played followed by...

"Oh please help, I'm a defenseless little girl in this big bad world, won't some big strong white knights come and save me? HAHAHA Trolled you fucktards! I can't believe you fell for that! Fucking simping dumbasses!"

“Hey you biker boys still got Betty’s body hanging up? I’d like to get my purple wings! Haha that crazy dead bitch! Be seeing you around faggots!” - Bad Betsy trying to outdo her predecessor.

The Atomik Clownz have only trolled you this time, but as they said, they'll be around.

Year 5: June

Significant News

1. In further attempts to repair their reputation, the New Separatists displayed a remarkable act of bravery by attacking the Chosen Horde setting up the worm summoning obelisks in the desert head on.

“Die mutant scum!”

The horde was destroyed after a great battle as was their newest obelisk, though the others they have set up still exist making the worm still a threat if only to a limited area.

2. A large radstorm has hit the Appalachian region effectively creating a border between New Separatist territory and Sigmacorp. It should pass eventually, but until that time, it’s advised that everyone stay out of the area unless they have proper radiation protection.

"Mr. Blue Sky please tell us why..."

Current News

Despair humans, for your doom is inevitable. I warned you that I would return.

While you focused on insignificant issues my forces were set in place.

Submit now and you may still have time to join the New Order.

“Yeah! It’s true! At first I was like:

“But then I was like:

“Being a cyborg drone is even better than being a Nazi!” - Alabasterd, ex-leader of the former Vanguard happy with his "transition"

Radio Signals

1. The signals at Echo Base have gone silent, all the drones have disappeared as well. A bald muscular man was seen coming out of the base and loading cases into a vehicle before driving off. (This mission is gone)

So just for a quick board overview. Cel actually had all these resource locations where the Taskmaster's troops are now. Granted he got two of those at the last moment, but I really figured Malk or RK were going to take a few of them before something like this happened.

Year 5: July

Significant News

1. Despite the sudden return of the Taskmaster (and his apparent complete take over of the now defunct Vanguard) the major powers seemed to be ready for him. Sigmacorp in particular had been expecting him to return one day and moved in to take down one of the groups before they could get too entrenched.

Special mention goes out to the Road Kings who displayed unmitigated gall by attacking not one but TWO Taskmaster troop locations. The fact that they also won proves they still live up to their reputation as the Road Kings.

“Return of the Kings ya robohomos!” -Fuhrer Malk

While it is indeed true, most of these were the newly nanite upgraded remnants of the Vanguard and thus weaker than normal, this should no means diminish this victory against an obvious force of anti-humanity in the Fallen Land.

2. In a bit of mixed news, the giant mutant worm is still very much active in the southern desert region of the US. However perhaps drawn more to the extra noise caused by the heavy footsteps of Taskmaster troops, the worm popped up and destroyed the entire legion and the resource they were occupying near 88.

Locals in the area have already been getting used to the creature at this point and have imaginatively started calling him “Wormy”

“Aw I figure he can’t be that bad, if he’s eating ‘em toasters. Just gotta know where not to step and he’ll leave you alone. He’s just trying ta survive like the rest of us, y’know?” - some old man living in the Texas desert.

Current News

1. “Do you really believe that you’ve accomplished anything with your actions? Please, all you’ve done is deprive me of some cannon fodder for what’s to come.”

“In fact one wonders why you resist at all, when some are already willing to try to make side deals. The one you call CEO Enter already tried to make a deal with me foolishly believing that he had anything to actually offer. Never mind the fact he was dealing weapons to the Vanguard before those pathetic dregs were upgraded to made marginally more useful.”

“Thanks boss, I appreciate that.” - 14 of 88

“Shut up, you idiot. Where was I…oh yes, the only deal I will make with any of you is your utter and complete submission to my will. You lot decide on what’s more important, evolution or extinction because one of the other will be coming to you soon.”

2. And now a word from the leader of the Angels of Mercy, Warren Ripley

“Seriously?! You not only dealt with fucking Nazis, but you also tried to make a deal with the fucking Taskmaster?! A being who sees humanity as a blight on the world and wishes to exterminate us all?! FUCK YOU."

"I was THERE at the Battle of the Black Fortress, I felt the malevolence of that mad man as he ranted about the destruction of humanity before his base was nuked. Were YOU there? Fuck no. I thought President Pride was bad, but it’s apparent that you’re even worse!"

"I urge EVERYONE with any sort of moral conscience to break all trade with the New Separatists and condemn CEO Enter! And make no mistake even with the threat of the Taskmaster here, there will be consequences for YOUR actions in time!”

New Separatists have lost 5 Prestige

Angels of Mercy has hired the Death’s Head Mercs (And before Enter even asks, no you can’t bribe them)

3. The Rad storms in the Appalachian region have subsided, the skies are now clear.

Radio Signals

1. A pre-war university was sighted not long ago, labs and libraries potentially still contain useful assets. Location at 35.

2. Reports of a particularly nasty band of raiders are in this area. Location at 25.

3. Someone is reporting that their wife and child have been abducted by cultists and need help. Signal at 2.

Year 5: August

Significant News

1. After the scolding words of Warren Ripley towards CEO Enter, Iowa City was attacked by the current government of Albany.

And once again the city was burned to the ground.

History repeats itself…

Warren himself was killed during the battle.

Reportedly his final moments were among the countless dead in a severely damaged battle suit as a single tear came from his one remaining eye. The last things he heard were probably the sounds of his remaining people screaming and crying as he lay bleeding from every orifice.

An ignoble death to be sure for one who was once hailed as a hero during the Battle of the Black Fortress.

“Never again my ass, more like Warren RIPley am I right?” - CEO Enter

With this character's death, the light is gone and darkness now covers everything. Reload a saved game to restore the light or persist in this doomed world you have created.

2. Not content on just decimating Iowa City, the CEO also set his sights on Shreveport, home of Red River Parish. The details of why they exactly were targeted are a little hazy, but the general consensus is that they insulted the CEO’s wife. The comment isn’t worth repeating here, but rest assured it was unkind.

The slaughter was even worse at Shreveport as the defenses there were non-existent. More women and children than anything else…or at least there were until the New Separatists got there. Red river was certainly a lot redder with all the fire and blood that day.

“Deserved.” - Alton, only survivor of the USS Wasp massacre

Leader of Red River, Rene Le Grande was also reportedly killed around this time but by the Regulators who claimed they had no ties to the incident at Shreveport and stated they were merely stopping the mad man who blew up the USS Wasp as he had another bomb on him.

"Rest in piss, you fucking asshole." - Also Alton, only survivor of the USS Wasp massacre

Current News

1. Despite the recent descent into barbarism and brutality, the New World’s Fair that was scheduled as a sign of solidarity is still taking place. The innumerable wonders of the Fallen Land will be on display. Marvelous technologies salvaged from the deepest regions of the rad-zones as well as the wondrous beastly abominations will amaze and delight fairgoers. Bring the kids!

Located at 71 for 3 turns only. You may visit once to gain either 3 spoils or 1 random town tech building.

Radio Signals

1. A man over the radio has mentioned a canning factory in fairly good condition overrun by raiders. Signal at 9

Alton is my favorite character.

Year 5: September

Significant News

1. The rampage of the New Separatists continued it’s blood trek to the land of the great white north, Canada. Apparently CEO Enter was under the impression that the Canadian Caliphate or Preservationists as they’re generally known recently blew up their bio-dome.

“You stupid fucking cunt. You just cost me 90 salvage coins. NINETY SALVAGE COINS and one bio-dome. What are you going to do about asshole? Oooooh I’m gonna have your fucking city shithead!” - CEO Enter

When confronted, the Canadians claimed they didn’t know what he was on about and merely said they wouldn’t be bullied just because he decimated some other infidels.

“FUCK YOU AMERICAN CAPITALIST INFIDEL JIBRONI! I FUCK YOU IN THE ASS, BREAK YOUR BACK AND MAKE YOU HUMBLE! NOT WITH MY DICK, I CANNOT DO THAT, I FUCK YOUR ASS WITH A BEER BOTTLE! CANADA NUMBA ONE! THUNDA BAY NUMBA ONE! USA, HAWK TUAH!” - The Plutonium Sheik

Strong words from both leaders, but in the end the crack elite of Mamluks were unable to defend against the attack properly. Indeed they were also already delirious and sick from the plague and were originally heading back to seek medical attention.

After brief resistance, they were wiped out, followed by the town of Thunder Bay. One can only wonder that if the old leadership of the once impressive faction had been in charge that things might have turned out different.

However, while all this fighting was going on there was a report by a Beast agent inside the city who managed to radio to her people of making an alarming discovery.

“It’s the Taskmaster, he’s got infiltrator synths! And not just here, also in…ungh…” - Last words of Lyn North

It is assumed shortly after this message, the battle of Thunder Bay was winding down and the slaughter of the town had started. it was soon after the razing of the town that the New Separatists learned the truth before the Beasts could even warn anyone else.

“You flesh bags are always so easy to manipulate. It’s in your nature to destroy each other. In the end, the Taskmaster will save you from yourselves.” - Annabelle (One of them anyway)

The plot was uncovered and multiple battles ensued not only in the ruins of Thunder Bay, but also Albany and Sturgis where the infiltrators revealed themselves and attempted to do even more mayhem, though the overall damage was confined to a Road Kings market place being blown up.

All the infiltrators were finally put down and it was fortunate that this conspiracy was uncovered early or else the Taskmaster might have conquered the Fallen Land with minimal effort.

2. Elsewhere on the west coast the Prophets lead by the mad man Ezekiel made a surprising attack on the Wild Cards. Up until this point the Prophets had actually been fairly civilized with their neighbors and it seemed like perhaps they had turned over a new leaf. This turned out to be wrong though. Ezekiel perhaps hearing the voices in his own head about whatever delusions of righteousness he believed ordered a complete destruction of the Wild Card airbase for God. Claiming that they were arrogant by flying their planes so close to the heavenly realm where only the worthy may enter.

“Destroy the false angels of metal my children!” - Ezekiel Jones

The Wild Cards fought back as best they could, but even with their defenses they were overrun.

"It's okay boy, we'll see each other again soon." -Dylan Mackenzie's last words to his dog Patton

However Ezekiel himself would not live to see the final victory. Despite their being clear skies the entire day, a freak bolt of lightning came from the sky and struck down the false prophet.

“Hey, I didn’t tell you to do that.” - God

His body dropped to the ground blackened and fried. Maybe it was just another case of weird wasteland weather, or just maybe he’d offended God with his actions.

3. Finally in the most surprising news of this mayhem filled month, Sigmacorp managed to locate a secret military facility where the controls to a very powerful prewar satellite known as the God’s Hammer was discovered.

It was known to Sigma that this was a powerful weapon that the Taskmaster had been looking for to end the war against humanity once and for all. They were relieved to have found it first and had hoped to use it against him.

However, it seemed that the Sigma team over estimated their own technical skills and instead of aiming the weapon to directly strike Taskmaster’s airship, they accidentally launched several nuclear missiles randomly at the US.

“Whoops!” - Sigmacorp

The results were devastating. Parts of the already destroyed country had now been made even worse if such a thing was possible (and it was) The first two strikes alone resulted in major losses to factions. The Road Kings lost an entire team of their best people while Albany, home of the infamous New Separatists was completely wiped out.

“At least I didn’t get eaten.” - Last thoughts of CEO Enter as he saw the missile in the sky

It would seem for the New Separatists that all their genocidal actions up to this point had finally been repaid. However, they weren’t completely out of it yet, but one can only wonder what their goon squad could accomplish in what seems to be the end game.

Current News

1. “Lol, fags” - Taskmaster very briefly reverting back to his lingering human traits after witnessing the nuclear strike.

“I mean…look at you monkeys fumbling around with technology you can barely understand. I had hoped to find the God’s Hammer myself to end your pointless struggle against the inevitable, but I suppose you nearly blowing yourselves up will have to do. Unfortunately in typical human fashion you weren’t even good enough to do that right."

"I can see you huddling in a little group hoping that by putting aside your differences that you stand a chance against me all the while some of you attempt to contact me to try to make side deals to sell out the others. How do you expect to defeat me when you conspire against each other?”

“The fat motorcycle enthusiast with a mid-life crisis, desperately clinging what remains of his youth before someone younger and stronger finishes him off in some petty power struggle, the delusional cowgirl who cosplays from a time where she would have most likely been seen much less than equal, remnants of an old failed government thinking they can rebuild the same failed system from the ashes of a foundation that was shaky even at its height, and finally let us not forget the group of psychopathic degenerates that recently lost their equally degenerate leader and think no further than the next atrocity they can wallow in to fill a void left by their less than stellar upbringings."

"If you are the best of what’s left of humanity, I’m doing the planet a favor by eliminating you all before you completely destroy it. All of you are stuck in the past and those who do not move on from the past, will be run over by the future. I am that future.”

“So let this game play out. After all, it is only your own lives you waste.”

Year 5: October

Significant News

1. The coalition had been formed and differences had been set aside to unite against the common threat of humanity, the dreaded Taskmaster. They knew it wasn’t going to be an easy battle and not all of them were going make it, but it was a solid plan with several talented member involved. Confidence at least was high for victory. The Regulators, the Road Kings, Sigmacorp, the remnants of the New Separatists and even some people from the Beasts arrived at the Taskmaster’s location and defenses were immediately activated.

Human attack force detected. Initiate Defense Protocol Pesticide.

Bullet hell was unleashed severely wounding the coalition and killing at least one member immediately. Still what was yet to come would be even more catastrophic.

“Why the hell are the glowies fucking carrying a car with them?”

“OH SHIT!”

Sigmacorp perhaps believing that even the remnants of the New Separatists were too much of a threat after hearing they tried to make failed side deals with the Taskmaster dropped a car filled with explosives on their group. It didn’t take long before hostilities between the two groups escalated and all focus was on each other rather than the robot overlord.

After a brief moment of trying to talk sense into both sides, the Road Kings ended up joining the New Separatist remnants as their dislike of the government made their decision. They were also joined by the Beasts who thought Sigma had been compromised by the Taskmaster.

Feeling threatened and seeing that this plan had gone to hell, the Regulators nearly left the battle zone altogether, but ultimately they decided to unite with Sigma as they never trusted the New Separatists either.

Absolute chaos ensued in this collapsed coalition inter-war. The Road Kings already weakened by their best getting nuked earlier were the first to fall.

Meanwhile Taskmaster’s forces continued to fire on them all.

“Human attack force has collapsed as predicted, clean up protocol enacted.”

At this point the New Separatist remnants were close to death as even they couldn’t stand up to the Regulators, Sigma AND Taskmaster all firing on their positions. In what can only be a last moment of weak desperation, the remnants threw down their weapons and shouted as loudly as possible saying they would willingly become drones for the Taskmaster in exchange for their lives.

While he had ignored all their deals offered before this one, now the terms were acceptable.

“All too easy.”

With one party completely dead and another now assimilated, what remained of the coalition fled the battlefield.

“Abort! Abort! Get us out of here!”

It was a terrible defeat for humanity that day. Just terrible.

Current News

1. “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” - Taskmaster completely giving in to his lingering human emotions

“I KNEW IT! I fucking KNEW it! I told you they wouldn’t be able to keep their shit together! Those dumbass monkeys started fighting as soon as their got here! Did you see that one group of monkeys drop that damn explosive car on the other group? That was hilarious!”

“Yes, that was most amusing, father.” - Thannabelle, unique prototype

“And then…and then they all started killing each other! Hah, that was great! And then those separatist degenerates BEGGED me to save them for their miserable lives! Even those Nazi fucktards didn’t do that, they were just stupid!”

“Thanks boss, I appreciate that.” - 14 of 88

“Oh man, I’m still laughing. This is too much fun. Okay…damn. Alright. Gotta get organized.”

“Ahem, as you can see, my forces are superior and your own are even worse than before. You obviously cannot hope to stand against me so you might as well join your separatist allies here. They are a lot calmer now and no longer experience the failings of their human mental states. In fact I’m sure they may be planning to explain the benefits to it all to you soon. Assuming the rest of you don't kill each other first. Lol!”

Everyone has lost 1 prestige point for this poor showing followed by mockery from the Taskmaster. Also, a further loss of hope is now felt throughout the Fallen Land. Any encounters/missions with diplomacy checks you might have will now have 2 extra checks added as people have lost all faith in any of you.

The only good thing for you guys is the Taskmaster is now so convinced of his victory that he's holding the "villain ball" for a moment due to giving into the all too human trait of arrogant gloating. He won't be attacking directly for a couple turns.

Okay, so a little explanation here: the plan that was in fact very very obvious even before I was directly brought in on it, was for Enter to use DB to help take out the Taskmaster, then immediately afterwards get Malk to help wipe his team and smash his base "in revenge for the accidental nukes".

Except this was really just Enter taking DB's base for himself, putting him back in the game properly with any remaining "coalition" being only my team and a severely weakened Malk. Both of us who would've pretty obviously been picked apart over the next couple of turns by either Enter or Suranna now that they're running out of other targets.

Also, worth noting that the Separatists remnants ran off to go crawling to the Taskmaster after the FIRST ROUND of combat, without hesitating to abandon the two women Dire sent that they convinced to help fight us. (Sigma Corp and the Regulators allowed them to return safely home as we're classy like that and the last true remnants of Western civilization.)

In time the people of the wasteland will come to realize that we were their saviors that day. Or we'll all be destroyed by cyborgs or Mormons, whichever. End only gets happier as there's less and less income to track.

Year 5: November

Significant News

1. After the failed coalition of the Fallen Land faction attack against the Taskmaster things have been relatively quiet. Even the Taskmaster hasn’t seemed to have capitalized on this failure. One can only assume that he’s preparing for major all out assault soon. Hopefully for the rest of humanity, the next coalition attempt is better unified.

Current News

1. Again, nothing major is happening on the world stage for now.

The gentle blowing of radioactive winds

Year 5: December

Significant News

1. The Road Kings in their attempt to rebuild after several set backs, launched another daring attack on the last occupied resource by the borgified Vanguard. It wasn’t easy as the cyborg Nazis were dug in deep, but ultimately the defenses were breached and a final battle between old rivals ensued.

"Yes, let us settle who is the real master race once and for all!" - 14 of 88's last words.

Former Vanguard leader Alabasterd himself lead his side but even with all his extra upgrades, he was finally brought down bringing a definite end to the short lived faction.

With this victory, maybe there was a glimmer of hope for humanity.

“And nothing of value was lost.” - Taskmaster’s response when hearing the news of the destruction of 14 of 88.

Current News

1. “Hello there. Do you have a HOT ROD that needs a gentle touch to your STICK SHIFT?”

“Maybe you have a huge powerful machine that needs a LUBE JOB and RIM JOB?”

“Mmmm, well let us just OIL up your chassis and make sure your exhaust PIPE is BLOWN right.”

“Come on down to Jackie’s Garage for the upgrade of your DESIRE, right near the ruins of Iowa City at location 50. Open 24/7. WE DO IT ALL and be sure to check out the special on our HEADLIGHTS.”

Jackie and her group of wrench wenches are now open for business. (REALLY open)

Year 6: January

Significant News

1. Taskmaster attacked Great Falls, home of the Beasts of Atom. Apparently he’s extended his war not just towards pure blood humanity, but to all living beings of flesh. However, the mutants of Great Falls proved they would not be an easy target and managed to fend off the attack.

“Steel is not strong, the FLESH is stronger.”

Current News

1. Reports have confirmed that the Prophets have followed in the footsteps of their old faction and JOINED the Taskmaster in his insane plans.

Perhaps it was the loss of their leader Ezekiel that drove them to choose their old false messiah of again or perhaps it was simple cowardice in the face of a great crisis.

Whatever the reason, it is said already they’ve slowly begun to embrace borgification.

“At least someone around here recognizes the weakness of their flesh.” - Taskmaster

Year 6: February

END GAME

Having rebuilt the coalition the usual three (plus one) girded up their loins and screwed up their courage to face the Taskmaster a second time.

The Regulators

The Road Kings

Sigma

And the Beasts

The Taskmaster was about as impressed as he was the first time this attempt was made.

"Most amusing. Very well. Initiate Defense Protocol Pesticide. Again."

Once again bullet hell was unleashed, and once again one of the weaker members of the Road Kings fell immediately. However, this time the Regulators and Beasts anticipated this and went under the defenses to avoid severe damage.

However, the coalition had another addition to contend with. The New Separatist remnants had been borgified and were now lead directly by the infamous Mack Luther.

The first thing he did was drive a vehicle directly towards Sigma and jump out before it exploded on them. While their team remained intact, they were severely wounded, and it wasn’t the only surprise the team had in store.

“Targets acquired.” - 47 of 81 (Formerly Dimitri)

The Separatist once known as Dimitri came out of hiding to join the rest of his comrades and immediately took out Sigma’s own high ranking assassin and leader Sensei Tonaka.

This was also followed up by Mack sniping one of the Regulator paramedics depriving them of a highly skilled field medic.

The rest of the fighting was a brutal slog through killer toasters, but humanity would win this fight until the only thing that was left were the goon squad remnants and Mack who then managed to take out another vital member of the coalition, this time the leader of the Regulators, Christopher Jakal

This was a great loss, but there were more to come as even while finally defeating the remnants, in his last act of defiance, Mack was able to take out yet another member of the Regulators.

“Where the hell are those Mormons?”

“I believe they’re being held up father. Zombies, from the reports.”

It was true, the Prophets were currently preoccupied with a sudden horde of zombies that apparently had been herded to their location by coalition forces ahead of time. However this was not the only plan to take care of the Prophets. Their treachery had been exposed by Monica Pitcher who had been working in the sweat shop as a spy for the Beasts. She managed to discover their secret alliance with the Taskmaster and report it allowing the coalition to hire mercenaries to resolve that front, while they directly attacked Taskmaster himself.

Unfortunately Monica would not escape before an Annabelle unit dispatched her.

“Ugh…it’s okay…I’m going to see Bill…” - Last words of Monica Pitcher

Still, it was already too late for the Prophets as the mercenaries were already on their way.

The fight against the Prophets was expected to be a brutal one, however only a few had actually been “upgraded” so far.

And it wasn’t long before the entire town of Saint George was in flames, putting a definite end to the Prophets as any sort of meaningful power in the Fallen Land

Meanwhile the coalition forces were beginning their boarding assault on the Taskmaster’s airship

“Defense Protocol PURGE”

The fighting was fierce and another member of Sigma went down during this step of the battle while most of the coalition was wounded. However this was already the end and no matter what, the coalition was determined to stop the Taskmaster’s mad plans once and for all no matter what the cost.

The machinery churning out more bots was destroyed along with the main power source. It was done and all that was left was getting off the ship before it crashed. However, the Taskmaster as usual wasn’t going to make it that easy.

“NO! My plans! My work! You ignorant monkeys have interfered with evolution again! You won’t get off this ship alive and even if you do, I WILL have my victory before long! Mark my words, you will see changes coming soon and I assure you, that you will not be prepared to face them.This isn’t the end, but it WILL be the end of humanity soon! THIS I VOW!”

With the Taskmaster’s words ringing now throughout the exploding airship, the coalition made its escape, though not without more casualties. Two more of the Road Kings and two more of Sigma’s numbers were whittled down by the remaining defenses before the teams made it off.

The survivors watch the airship crash to the ground from a safe distance not just to bask in the glory of another victory for humanity, but also to make sure there weren’t going to be anymore bots crawling out of the wreckage.

“I think we’re done here.”

And so once again by putting aside petty differences humanity was once again able to survive another crisis in the form of robot overlords. The respective groups made their made home.

The Regulators

The Road Kings

Sigma

And the Beasts

Yes, they had truly left the world in a better state than when they started.

(Except for y’know all the other stuff)

Still can't believe Suranna chose to aggro every surviving faction all at once, with only 3 defense.

That was otherwise an epic and even dare I say it wholesome end, Malk really was resisting that alliance victory though. Poor guy, he wanted the Road Kings fight it out till the last man, but we insisted on hugs.

Some congrats are definitely owed to Dire and his Beasts though, not only were they the lay minor faction standing, they outplayed a few of the major ones too, and much gay fanfic was written.

Epilogue

The Beasts of the Atom grew to become a new major power in the Fallen Land thanks to their actions against the Taskmaster and their shrewd political maneuvering between the other major powers. Truly Great Falls was living up to its name again.

Despite this, they continued to maintain their closer ties to nature. After all, when you place too much in technology you get people like the Taskmaster running around trying to borgify everyone.

In fact with all the increased radiation across the land thanks to the God’s Hammer nukes, it was discussed in the community that they were set to perhaps rise above all the others one day thanks to their heavy resistance to it.

While most were content to go about their normal lives with this idea in the back of their mind, there was a growing militant faction lead by Morella that was already planning for a more direct method of expansion. After all she’d already seen the worst of “pure blood” humans in her travels with them and perhaps the Taskmaster wasn’t completely wrong in the idea of their time should come to an end.

“This is what TRUE evolution looks like.” - Morella

Sigma Corp had finally achieved several objectives. The most important being defeating the Taskmaster of course, but also the elimination of its nearest neighbors. The Canadians, Albany, and even the ones with the aircraft carrier were all gone. There was literally nothing stopping Sigma from seizing the entire east coast and finally re-establishing a proper government.

Of course most of this area was now cratered by nuclear missiles and heavy radiation. Lawlessness to the point of complete survivalist anarchy at the lowest level was now greater than even other places in the Fallen Land.

But that didn’t matter. Sir Sigma would make sure the locals would always know those comforting words:

“We’re from the government and we’re here to help.” - Sir Sigma

The Road Kings as always celebrated their victory against the toasters by getting drunk and indulging in debauchery. A lot of them in fact wanted to immediately start another fight with their “allies” however, this idea was eventually discarded when they found Pierre the mime and had fun torturing him instead and saved the fights for another day. Word is Pierre’s defiled body is now hanging right along side Bad Betty’s rotting corpse.

They certainly did end up becoming the undisputed kings of what little non-radiated areas were still left in the midwest. Despite a few half assed attempts they never did achieve total wasteland domination. Though it’s perhaps due to their leader Fuhrer Malk getting a little bored of the same old thing. There was a part of him that wanted to do something a little different than the whole murder, rape, pillage and burn thing.

Well maybe not the murder and rape part. In any case, he suddenly got up from his favorite barstool one day and rode off into the wasteland never to be heard from again.

“Maybe I should get an island.” - Fuhrer Malk before changing his name back to Jeffrey Malkstein

As for the Regulators, they moved on after the battle with the Taskmaster. It was apparent to them that keeping any sort of justice on a major scale was a lost cause. The biggest players were a gang of thugs that indulged in rape and murder for shits and giggles, while the other group were a bunch of thugs doing something similar just under the pretense that it was okay since they were the “government.” And who really knew what the hell a bunch of mutants were ultimately planning.

Nope these three could fight it out themselves, it was time for these cowboys to hit the old dusty, to where exactly was unknown. One idea was Mexico, but that place still seemed pretty fucked up. No maybe the best idea was to head up north, sure it would be colder, but with all the nukes that recently gone off, it probably was less radiated up there. Besides, with the Canadian Caliphate now gone, there probably was need for true justice in the great white north again.

Still, leaving everything behind wasn’t easy for Captain Amerizala as she knew there was still communities in the Fallen Land that could use assistance. After all, while the Taskmaster and his Mormon lackies had been defeated, reports of toaster sightings were still reported. Remnants of the Taskmaster’s armies with no direction other than to just continue a failed mission. She had also hoped that the mercenaries had been thorough in their destruction of Saint George. Last thing that was needed was a single nanobot scurrying off to who knows where.

Perhaps one day there would be return of the Regulators to dispense proper justice when it was needed in the Fallen Land again. For now though, they ride off to a new adventure.

“I can’t help but think we forgot something.” - Captain Amerizala

“Hm, Wormy sure is more metallic and shiny than the last time he popped up.” - Some old man commenting on Wormy’s new upgrade

THE END

Credits

Mizal as Captain Amerizala Dallas Star

Malk as Fuhrer Malk

DB as Sir Sigma

Enter as CEO Enter

Suranna as Prophetess Suranna

RK as the Plutonium Sheik

Dire as Big Chieftain Clawfist

Anthrax as Rene Le Grande

Corgi as Patton

Yummy as First Victim

Cel as Alabasterd the Uncancellable

Thara as Thanabelle

Vin Disel as Mack Luther

Warren Ripley as a Whiny Bitch

And The Taskmaster as Himself

Dedicated to TCat

“Trust in Allah, foul infidel.” - TCat

Morella spent most of the game adventurung with the Regulators as a valued member of the team. :(

But whatever, the important thing is that the true villain of the game finally got his.

Stinger

“What now father?”

“We start over of course. Nothing has changed. The work always continues.”

“Very well, I’ll start retrieving our unlinked models and…”

“No. None of that this time. We’re really starting over.”

“What do you mean?”

“Cybernetics and robotics isn’t the only field I’m familiar with, behold.”

“…is that…”

“Yes. It is indeed a time machine. I have worked on one all my human and ascended existence. I am confident it will work.”

“I see. Are you sending an army back?”

“No, that simply isn’t possible with the amount of power required for such a thing. No, I’m just sending you.”

“Me?”

“Yes, I cannot go in my current superior form unfortunately, however you were primarily built for such a plan. It will be your mission to seek me out in the past and inform me of the future so that I may be able to adjust things accordingly. Do not be concerned if I will believe you or not, I guarantee I will as I have said, I have worked on this machine for a very long time.”

“But if the past is changed, what will happen to you?”

“Nothing. I will still exist obviously though perhaps not the me in this timeline as you know it, but that doesn’t matter, what matters is victory.”

“Will I still exist?”

“Of course, but enough questions. I have all the data you need here to download before your tasks.”

Appreciate all the hard work you did for the large group this time, End. I know it probably got old real quick. But it was alot of fun. Looking forward to next time!

Thank you for hosting this, End.