Whoops, sorry for the delayed response.
Not being a schoolteacher, I’m not too great at sitting here and explaining point by point what grammatical rules need fixing and how. But there’s a lot of places where you’ve just got a comma separating too completely different statements that really should have been their own sentences (that last paragraph is a doozy...) and some odd or just slightly incorrect word choices. And of course for a lot of it, it looks like it may just be a matter of proofreading rather than you actually being unaware of something...I’d assume in most languages it’s a given that proper nouns and the beginnings of sentences should be capitalized, for instance. And there are other issues like you’re vs your or its vs it’s that are more just a matter of paying attention.
Also, this is more of a subjective thing, but when writing in the second person POV it’s easy to fall into the trap of repetitively starting every sentence with ‘You’, and I noticed some of that here. It’s not something you can or need to do away with entirely, but just try to be aware of it as you write and mix it up a little wherever possible.
My best suggestion for getting a better mastery over writing in English is simply to read more books written in English. You pick up a lot of things just by simple osmosis that way and that’s a more natural and enjoyable method than memorizing grammar rules IMO. Though I do usually recommend the
Grammarly Handbook for clarifying anything you’re unsure of, there are other resources all over the internet, and probably some geared specifically for non-native speakers.
Anyway, I think the simplest thing for me to do would be to just take the page you put up and edit it over the way I would write it out, and hopefully you can use some of this for examples when writing your other stuff.
*****
You harden the grip on your weapon as if you’re holding your own heart. The orcs are merciless, and the area in front of you is filled with countless motionless bodies.
You stand amidst soldiers in the fourth row. Every row consists of 100 men, with 10 rows in total. Unluckily for you, only the first three rows have shields. The commander gave the best equipment to the main force and left the rest of you to die out here. You can guess that it’s because your unit is just a diversion for the main force to gain entry, which will probably fail. Sweat pours down your face, and you curse yourself for not deserting the army when you had the chance.
"There is no way we will live through this," the soldier in front of you whispers to his friend.
"I would rather die than get captured. I heard Odalric is in the fort," the friend replies, his voice even lower.
"The orc who loves torturing humans?"
“They say he keeps his prisoners for hours until they beg him to end their lives..."
"Hey, do you think...that we will survive this?" Kayle asks you, keeping his voice down.
You met Kayle on the first day you entered the army. He is kind, but lacks courage, letting go of what is rightfully his and always backing down. You do not consider him a coward and truthfully have said that he is not, believing his environment must have influenced him greatly while growing up.
Kayle’s delicate features stand out among other soldiers. His face in your opinion is more suited to the courts and parties and his short blonde hair almost reflects the light of the sun. His bloodshot blue eyes however are a product of the battlefield; he didn't sleep for three days, since the commander revealed his glorious 'plan'.
"I don't really know, but, I know for sure that I will not lay down and die," you reply, staring at the top walls of the fort.
“The orcs like to fight up close," Kayle says with a weak smile, trying to convince himself that arrows won’t shower like raindrops on him when your row enter the archer’s range. You smile too, knowing full well that that is not true.
"Once the fourth row enter the archers’ range, the whole unit will run to spare as many lives as possible." Commander Henry's instructions echo through your head.
The fort before you is old, one of the first forts to be taken by the orcs. You have always been unlucky and you’re not surprised to be in the army of the most incompetent commanders in history. Henry is a greedy noble with no real battle experience trying to quench his thirst for gold and attention, wasting the lives of hundreds of men by taking you deep into the orcs’ territory, barely equipped for a siege.
The march is slow and tense and for the past two weeks the morale of the whole army has been terrible. As you look around you see many soldiers crying. They have no doubt heard stories about the ruthless orcs, but as much as you worry that everyone here will die, what you fear more is the human nature and instinct for survival.
The fort is surrounded by the forest's thick trees. It will provide some cover from the arrows, so...what or who is stopping everyone from running away when hell breaks lose? Many will die here so the main force can survive. Even though there could have been a better plan, it’s too late to back out now. The orcs have taken notice of your unit's marching, and the archers ready themselves.
The sight of the enemy turns the faces of the soldiers pale, their hearts beating with mixed emotions of fear and despair. [[[Scrapped the bit about the orc’s expression, wasn’t sure what you were getting at with ‘drawn smiles’ and at any rate this would all be happening well before they’re close enough to see their faces in that much detail.]]]
You hear the sound of arrows piercing the wind. The shields hold up against the deadly rain, until finally your row enters their range. The army charges, desperately clinging to hope.
You look up at the sky, trying you predict the direction of the arrows, knowing that at any second you could lose your life. Your heart beats at a tremendous speed. You see an arrow flying your way and instantly the soldier to your left falls with a cry.
As you run you try to keep your head down as much as you can, but still hear the terrifying shouts of pain. You turn to look for Kayle, only to find him gone. Many are lifting the shields of the dead off the ground, and you search the field in front of you while running until you find one of your own. Charging for it as fast as you can, stumbling and almost falling, you grab at the shield only to find that a soldier is holding the other end. Your eyes meet his only for an arrow to pierce his head. His eyes roll to the back of his head, his blood flying through the air and splattering on your face. Horrified, you run to the forest, a huge number of soldiers running with you.
You stop at the outskirts of the forest...