I'm feeling very nice today, so I'd like to inform you that your story is shit. I've only read one page, sure, but I'm already sure that unless your writing suddenly changes quality after that, the rest's going to be shit as well. Please read some featured stories to get a better idea of what a good story looks like. And it's "different"! Can't you even spell the title right?
Before you can even dream of writing anything, you should learn basic grammar rules. You could write a good story with an interesting plot, but it'd still be painful to read if nothing was capitalized and there was no punctuation. It's a simple fix, but a very important one.
There are plenty of websites to help you with this, like this one and that one, copied from Mizal's profile. You can also learn a lot by just reading other people's stories and noticing the patterns. Seriously, it's not that hard, you are a disappointment!
