“When Jason heard the screams, he wanted to blanch. Unfortunately for him, he couldn't, thanks to the microchip implanted in his brain.”
I’d take out the comma after “couldn’t”. It isn’t really necessary.
“The microchip's functions were many.”
Since you just used the word “microchip” in the previous section, it may be wise to vary up your word choice. You could say “the device’s functions” or even “the functions of this device” which may sound better. Since the world was only used twice though, this isn’t a huge issue.
“the most notable function however, was to control Jason when he was on duty.”
Capitalize “the”. Also the word “however” seems a bit awkward here. “However” is generally used directly after an opposing statement, which “the microchip’s functions were many” really isn’t in this case. I’d just eliminate it entirely.
“you see, Jason was a super-soldier, a soldier that has been genetically modified to be stronger, faster, and to virtually be immortal.”
Capitalize “you.” This sentence seems a bit long. This is another minor issue, but it may work better if you split it into two separate sentences.
“along with those abilities, they're also given certain powers that I can only describe as magical. They can throw fire, levitate and much more.”
Capitalize “along”. Also, you suddenly switch to first-person perspective here. Never ever do that. You need to pick one POV and stick with it. If it is in third-person as your first sentence seems to indicate, then the phrase “I can only describe” should be changed to “that can only be described.”
“I also forgot to mention that the control of Jason is not total: because of his battle experience, he can make his own decisions on duty, as long as those decisions can't jeopardize the mission.”
Take out “I forgot to mention”. It’s pointless and shifts the POV again.
“In any event, he was on watch.
The screams were coming from the military camp where he was stationed.
The man who was screaming was a freedom fighter. They have been more active as of late, something that has really pissed the government off.
Anything that pissed the government off, would be cool with Jason, except, for the fact that he worked for the government, however unwillingly.”
There are way too many commas in that last sentence. You can eliminate the one after “off”, the one after “Jason, and the one after “except”
“Suddenly, he saw his friend, John.
It may be midnight, but SuperSoldirs can see in any weather or circumstance.”
Since the rest of your page is in past tense, “it may be” needs to be “it might have been.”
“John walked closer to Jason and sat on the grass.
Jason wasn't sitting, he found that standing helped him concentrate better than he would if he was sitting.”
“Than he would if he was sitting’ can be taken out. It’s a bit repetitive and we already got the contrast from John sitting down.
Overall, I think your main issue is a lack of elaboration. Each of your paragraphs is only a few sentences long, and there is a lot of repetitive wording. Your grammar seems okay for the most part, though you had some capitalization issues. Anyway, I only reviewed the first page so far. It seems like an interesting concept. Best of luck on your story!
