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My tag is SquattingPigeon and I am creating a story called Warm Spagetti: A Game of Minds.

I'm nowhere near being finished, but I would really appreciate it if you could read what I have so far.

Also, if you have ideas about where the story could go, feel free to comment them in this forum! 

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/warm-spaghetti-(a-game-of-minds)

Please don't rate it or anything if I'm doing badly. Tell me here so I can improve it!

Serious and funny are horrible choices to make for a cyoa. No one with any staying power really like the lol random assortment of....storygames.

However from what I have read from your story so far it is well written and pretty intriguing. So I would say keep doing that and fight the urge to throw random bullshit into the other path.

Any ways, hope this turns out well because so far I am hoping to see this published sometime.

Thanks! I appreciate your input!

I checked out some of your routes, both serious and funny. One of my favorite parts of your story was the structure you used, it complemented the story well.

While there are some grammar-related problems and several segments lacking concise language, the issues are very minor and won't be very noticeable to most readers. However, I noticed that many items and choices can be used as an option before they are properly explained, which might confuse some readers (well, it confused me on occasion).

All in all, though, I really enjoyed reading it - looking forward to seeing it upon official publishing. Best of luck with the story!