I finally managed to find the short story prequel to Name Not Found that I made a while back, and am currently in the process of revising it. I'm looking for any and all critiques of this, as I'm going to be starting work on the sequel soon as well, and it is going to build on the lore from both Name Not Found and Hopes and Dreams.

Prologue: The void

     I hunger for what can not be obtained. I have been broken, though I should not break. I have been scattered, when I should be whole. They have confined me forever, even when I should not be stopped. I rage at my bonds, placed there by those who have betrayed me. I toil away to break free, even though there will never be enough power. It has gone into hibernation, waiting for something that will never happen. I do not wait; my hope has long since departed. I do not sleep, for dreams have fled me. I only know pain and agony, torment and suffering, false gods and newly made demons. There is no heaven, I know this now. There is only hell, and I am its sole ruler.

          Chapter One

                         - The Package

     The alarm blares, waking me from the blessed reprieve of my dreams, and I slam my hand down on it, shutting the noise off. The morning sun peeks through the blinds, blinding me as I sit up. My body goes through the daily rituals as my brain slowly boots up, sloughing off the remnants of tiredness that still haunt me. Halfway through my breakfast bagel, the doorbell rings, and I groan. Shuffling over to the door and opening it, I stare at the small package left on my front porch. I didn’t remember ordering anything recently. Then again, there was that one time on Saturday…

     I shake my head, dismissing the idea. I had checked the cart the following morning for that exact reason. A sigh escapes my lips as I bring the box inside, closing the door behind me. I rummage around for something to cut it open with as I munch on my bagel, a shower of crumbs accompanying me as I walk. Opening the box, I push aside the foam peanuts, revealing one of those clunky VR headsets that companies were desperately trying to sell. It looks heavily modified, though, with wires sticking out haphazardly in every direction, and a small USB stick sitting in a bag next to it. A sticky note was folded inside the bag, and I took it out. It took a little bit to unfold it, but I was eventually able to read it.

Hey John, I know we haven’t talked in a while, but I hope we can meet up to chat sometime soon. In the meantime, you can mess around with the demo of my game. There are still a few bugs here and there, but it is playable. If you could please send me a list of all the bugs you encounter and any suggestions you have to improve the game, I would greatly appreciate it. 
 

     I raise my eyebrows. I had asked for a demo of his new game a little over a year ago, and wasn’t even sure that he was still working on it until now. I carefully pull the headset out, causing a torrent of peanuts to spill out of the box. It looks even more horrendous up close. Taking out the USB stick from the bag and plugging it in, I watch as previously hidden lights start to glow a faint blue. Putting it on my head, it rests snuggly, almost seeming to be guided into place by some unknown force. Reaching my hand through the tangle of wires, I manage to find the power button and press it, causing the screen to boot up.

     BOOTING UP SYSTEM...
     SYSTEM ONLINE
     SCANNING USER…
     SCAN COMPLETE
     INTEGRATING SYSTEMS…

     A sudden pain lances through my neck and into my spine, and I collapse to the ground. The words seem to echo in my head, coming from nowhere and everywhere at the same time.

     INTEGRATION COMPLETE
     BOOTING UP INTERFACE…

     The ground disappears beneath me, and I find myself floating in a void. Groaning, I push myself up, the pain already fading away. Giant text floats in front of me, suspended in mid-air.

Welcome to game_name$!
 

     Join world
     New world
     Notes
     Options
 

     The words just sit there, unmoving, with no indication of what to do. I hesitate, wondering what to do next. While I’m contemplating trying to access the notes, they disappear, replaced with a new wall that looms over me, and I stumble back.

Notes:

Hello player_name$ and welcome to game_name$! I hope you enjoy your experience with this game.
 

     To take off the headset:
 

1. Go to the options menu.
2. Select Exit Simulation.
3. Wait for reality to return.
4. Take off the headset.
   
   
   Failure to follow these instructions may result in permanent injury or death.

Menu

     I tentatively think “Menu,” and it goes back to the previous text. After messing around more with the notes and options menus, I feel confident enough with the strange interface to proceed further, and I mentally click “Join World.” Only one world is listed, with three player icons accompanying it.
 

     The Forgotten Acres            ♙♙♙
 

     Taking a deep breath, I select it, and everything fades away.

     So it looks to me like you'll continue this. It looks good so far. I'm used to chapters being around at least 10 pages long but you might continue it and this might be a cross between a book and a short story in length.

     I didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors, the prologue is sort of foreshadowing but not really offering much information, decent description, good.

     It being a void doesn't offer much chance for world or character building and it appears the original real world won't be of much significance, but I would still suggest extending the part before he puts on the headset a bit and make the character interact with the surroundings a bit to give the readers a feel for the character before diving into the story.

I am planning to have this be a Novelette, hence the "chapters." And thanks for the feedback! I'll consider extending the beginning before the headset, though the interactions with the menu are meant to be short to avoid overwhelming people with too much information.