Okay first off link: https://infinite-story.com/story/room.php?id=70485
This is the second story of Endmaster that I've found on InfiniteStory, which isn't there on CYS(for reasons that will be plainly obvious forward). Thanks to Cricket for the tip.
This story is unique, it is porn no doubt and the scenes are extremely graphic; but at the same time, the author manages to put this all in a humorous tone that one can actually appreciate.(If they aren't put off by incest, necrophilia, rape and child sex that is) Anyway, I understand that this is some sort of a weird porn parody on Ground Zero and Necromancer, and I think that the wisest thing the author did here was put it in a theaterical setting, which gave a lot of chances for adding humour and jokes too. The story is extremely funny and entertaining no doubt, though it really isn't meant for the faint hearted. You could call it as being in the genre of 'adult explicit humour', but for the most part. I enjoyed the humour.
Now down to the criticisms...
While the idea of a porn based parody is a creative one, the execution of that rather felt a little lacking. I mean, at first I was like,"Omg, what the fuck is this shit?!" But overtime that hype and disgust sort of died down, and I was like,"Yeah, yeah that mutant will probably fuck her till his dick ruptures through her stomach," and it became kind of boring seeing the same type of gory scenes again and again. I think if you added a bit more of a story to the two, (Necromancer parody did have one but felt very linear), along with one or two gory, disgusting scenes; it wouldn't have lead the reader to just get bored and disinterested.
Grammar and writting was nice, cool descriptions of the world and stuff; no issues with the writing.
Anyway, I'm just a bit curious and @EndMaster I would just like to know that from where did you get the inspiration to create these parodies? Was it just something you thought would be cool, or someone suggested you the idea?
Overall a good piece of work, but could use a bit more work with the storyline.
It was for a porn contest and the girl holding it (By the name of Ves) begged me to participate even though I wasn't really enthusiastic about the idea.
I get bored writing porn so the only way I could stay focused is if I rewrote my own stories with a porn twist. I was pretty proud of the result when I submitted the entry.
Of course everyone's a fucking critic.
Ves said something about the rape not being funny. She said she didn't realize it was supposed to be humorous, I'm like what the fuck, the dude has a mutant cock and he's fucking another mutant girl with a mouth in her pussy. That's the fucking A material people, it's like I'm writing for plant life out there.
She also said something about how the writing seemed "bored with itself" which as I just explained was the only way I kept from getting bored with yet another contest I didn't even want to participate in.
Usoki was the only one who had a valid criticism, in that he thought the Ground Zero parody came off a little strange since the movie actually could "change" depending on the path. It was like you were playing as the character in the movie, rather than the character watching the movie (Which is how I wrote the Necromancer parody)
While the GZ parody is less linear, I think the Necro parody works way better storywise and makes more logical sense. If I was going to rewrite this story for CYS, I'd probably make the GZ parody more similar to the way I did the Necro one. And probably add another movie (or movies) for the main character to watch with his girlfriend.
Some other guy Locke, who was like a non-religious version of Wibbons, kept going on about wanting to see me do something different with my writing.
Fuck you, I'll write how I like. And I did do something different, I wrote fucking porn for the contest. Fucking hell pay attention.
Some other fucktard who submitted some shitty story that came in last said "real porn" doesn't work like how I wrote it. Saying stuff like the sister wouldn't have said "Oh yes fuck me daddy" to her own father.
They don't say shit like that in porn? Seriously?
Then said something about some bullshit about it being post modern, which isn't even what I was going for so he got that fucking wrong too.
So I got marked down a bunch of points and Ves ended up winning the contest with her boring story.
In any case, glad I'm finally somewhere my genius is appreciated.
Yeah it was all in the IS forums.
Ves hated fat people. She was more obsessed with staying thin and pretty forever (Literally her own words) so she was actually a vegetarian and was constantly watching what she ate. She was also a lot more feminist and got a lot more emotional about various things on top of being fairly elitist about stuff like books, movies, etc.
So she was more like as if Mizal and Axiom had a love child and Mizal stuck around just long enough to teach the child to have a sense of humor and that none of the lesbian propaganda took hold of what Axiom was teaching the child and only some of the feminism and ALL of the elitism did.
As for how this child got emotional, well she probably learned that from Malk, when Axiom had to hire a nanny as extra help after Mizal left for tacos and never came back.
Sort of amazing I got along with her at all in retrospect.
Lol this Ves person took all of this seriously? Ridiculous. I don’t know if they say stuff like that in porn, but humour was your main aim, and you achieved that with that daddy remark thing in my opinion.
Ves could have been 100 pounds and probably still thought she was too fat.
The creepy realistic pedo rapist one was made by the guy who was going on about how I wasn't writing porn realistically. Lol.