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Just completed a new game.  It's a fantasy/medieval type game.  Please try and rate.

-Blaze

Are you sure it's published? I see it on your profile, but it's not linked.

We're not technically supposed to rate and comment unpublished games.

Check again, sorry.  I had an issue but i fixed it.  should be up now.

Yeah, gave it a quick playthrough. It's pretty good.

I get a vague 'Beserk' like feeling from this, though that might just be because of your profile picture.

Truth be told, I'm a Berserk fanboy. so yes, you'd be right in playing it with that in mind.  Really loved the anime and then went back to read the manga.  That however goes on forever!

Yeah, it's an excellent start.  Keep going!

You thought I'd enjoy this story just because of my profile pic?

Danaos, it's called marketing.  Obviously got your attention, so it worked.

Fool! Of course it would get my attention. >:O

I haven't read your story yet, but I plan to once I get some free time.

It takes all of about ten minutes, that's why I said to "Keep Going."

If you'd tell me why you rushed this story, I'd be fine, but as of the moment, I do believe that I was unable to comprehend much of the story by its sheer brevity and inability to explain things coherently.  Why me, out of all people, must go on a hike to kill a demon who seemingly attacked me for no reason?  Why am I killing Dark Ones?  What beef has the demon got with me?  What about my lineage that makes it so special?

There's no motive (or any sensible one, as far as I can see) for there to be conflict with anything or anybody, other than the fact that the wizard told you to kill a demon because you could, and the demon's goonies were sent to try and stop you and the wizard from doing just that.

And no, do NOT explain why on here.  You should've done that while you were writing the game.  Do NOT answer my questions on this thread.

So, my two cents :

Longer.  It needs to be longer so I can actually understand what's it about.  Starting out as a hero on his final quest to kill a demon for obscure reasons does nothing but wastes the reader's time.  Starting out as a hero who gains power, learns his role, and does what he does with good reason and judgement (well, at least if it's just in someone's eyes) over time will get me interested.  I could care less about a wizard's daughter who allowed herself to be endangered for a problem her father would PROBABLY not get her involved in.

Also, only one alternate decision at the very end actually does make out for a decent ending.  For taking the "fool's" path and suddenly forcing our supposedly battle-hardened man to be naive enough to not question what a potentially dangerous person is doing around an area full of demons is not something I find likable.  Variety is needed.  Non-canon paths are needed.

^If you can answer the questions and fulfill what I want, then I will spare you the point you would've gotten if I had commented normally.

Good points here.  I wrote this in under 6 hours.  Still getting my feet wet in this whole 'storygame' thing.  I will take my time on the next one and give  background, more character development, more choices etc.  However, I do not see how you can justify 1 point to this story.  Are you kidding me? 

Anyways, the constructive criticism burns a fire in my soul to give you all some of the 'Epic Shit' so settle down, grab a tub of popcorn and your favorite soda and wait for the reaping!!

So I just played and rated the game. Because one of the endings (the first I got, actually) has stated that this is game is not yet out of beta testing, I am putting off commenting directly on the game right now.

I have to be blunt. This game is a rough draft, and it's no worse than that. It's just rough. Since you made this game in less than six hours, this is the point where you need to go back, see what's wrong, and fix it. Right now, you have something that is somewhat coherent but not a complete story. You have a clear understanding of words and the language, but you seem to not know where to apply it. I cannot believe I'm saying this, but what you need, more than anything else right now, is exposition. It's tempting to want to jump into the action soon, but exposition is a very essential part in the plot line. There is also nothing wrong with starting off slow and introduce the world, characters, and conflict.The most skilled writers can get the reader emotionally invested that way, but there's no pressure to do it now. You just need to give the reader enough to understand where they stand and what is going on, because one of the things you really needed to show just how much is at stake. Even then, there's still a lot more you need to do as far as developing the plot goes. I think a lot of it really boils down to giving this game more time to work on, because it really wasn't ready for publishing.

Also, one thing I did think was particularly good was the branching paths between west and east. For some reason, things picked up in the middle. I liked the idea behind both Elyssa and Vern, but the execution could've been better. Since they seem to be a big piece between the two main endings, fleshing out Vern's path more would've been nice, or at least maybe it could've been less linear if it was intended to be a main ending. Elyssa, I really wanted to like. I think if you developed some type of relationship between her and the protag (not necessarily having to be a romantic one), the reader could get more invested.

tldr; It needs more work.

Knowing it was in beta testing would have been nice. lol

Yeah, I think knowing that made the other playthroughs easier and understood the current state of the game, so I really lucked out with my choices. It was the only ending that stated it was in beta testing in red letters. The path to it is:

When you get the choice between going with the woman or continuing on your journey, continue your journey, tell her the truth, then let her join your party.

I wonder if he knows you don't need to publish a game before getting it beta tested.

How can it be beta tested for others to try out without publishing?  just post it on the forum?

Allow Sneak Preview, and then someone will put it in a hyperlink.

Kinda like so :

Mind=Blown.  Thanks a bunch.  Im scraping The Finisher and making this new game.  Same character though and concept ;0