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So, I was going to wait until I was further along to post this, but I'm concerned I may be making mistakes that I should fix sooner rather than later. So as not to bias anyone, I'm not actually going to say what I think those mistakes might be... but I'd love to get some feedback, particularly constructive criticism.

And hopefully I've compiled and shared this correctly...

Hunter

(And yes, it currently stops quite abruptly. You should, however, get a screen that says "TO BE CONTINUED" -- if you don't, please let me know where it stopped. >_<)

Edit to add: I'm happy to swap feedback if anyone who plays this has a WIP they'd also like feedback on. Just give me a link! ^_^

Made with twine?

My feeback is don't use twine, :P

ChoiceScript, actually. XD

...and why not? :P

Twelve demerits for treason.

Aside from that, it was awesome. Traitorous, but awesome. 

Oh, you're one to talk... traitor. XD

But thanks. ^_^

How am I... riiiiiiiiight. 

But you're welcome. 

I really like the intro into the world.  There are a few typos, but the story is really compelling.  I don't know what you think your mistakes might be, but I played several times making different choices, and the logic of the story seems well thought out.

?Thanks! ^_^

Hidden for spoilers, highlight to read:

Wellll, if you've played it more than once, you know how lilttle I'm actually branching, thus far. Like it or not, you're gonna try to steal something, the Hunter's going to stop you, etc. If you still liked it, great! Maybe I'm overthinking things. Certainly I'm not planning on railroading the player through the whole game... but the earlier I create real branches, the more work I'm making for myself down the road. :P

When I saw the choices I was sure that they would all end up in the same path as after all, you have to end up in the wastes somehow

I've decided that you don't, actually. I'm going to provide paths where you don't become a Hunter. They'll be shorter, of course, but they'll be there. ^_^

That'll be interesting

That sounds cool.

Updated link: Hunter

Also, a question to anyone playing... how do you feel about shopping? I'm considering implementing the marketplace in a fair amount of detail, now that you have some money to spend. But if everybody's just going to be 'okay, let's get on with the story already,' I could definitely save myself some time by skipping it...

A simple system would work, a choice of a few different weapons or armor, maybe basic survival tools, but it doesn't need to be very complex.

Then again, I would be happy if the supplies I had were simply stated, and "we get with the story already."

And this link is better!

I hope this time, there isn't a limit on how many times things can be purchased...(maximum I got was around 9 kills before retiring..e.e)

Only in the sense that you can't re-buy unique items. ^_^

Does that mean I can return to the temple and buy holy water as long as I have the money?  YES

...what holy water? >:D

FUCK.  YOU.

I'm not into those kind of people, but CMON WAIIII

Because. ^_^

All right, all right. Because that was just something I threw into the combat-test version of Hunter, not really part of the worldbuilding I've done for the setting. Because it's overpowered. And because I've got a more interesting idea for how magical healing is going to work.

I just played the more recent version, and I must say that I like the story, so far. The whole "casino-temple" thing kinda threw me off, but it's still a nice touch. I imagine there is quite a bit of the game that I haven't gotten around to.

Thanks! I'm not completely happy with the temple, so I may redo it at some point. Just not quite sure exactly how to set it up, so that it doesn't just look like a gambling hall with a religion layered on top. >_<

And actually, if you've played it through, you didn't miss much, since it's quite linear at this point. Plenty more of the game that I haven't gotten around to, though! XD

I get that they are worshipping a goddess of chance, but ritualistic gambling seems a little...odd.

You're right, I think, but it's kind of important -- the main reason the Chancers are able to do things like raise and educate a bunch of orphaned children is that they have money. And they have money because their temple is basically a casino. I just need to figure out how to make that seem less strange... and I can't lampshade, because the main character was raised there, and thinks it's totally normal. >_<

Hmm...I'll let you know if I get any ideas.

An undiclosed amount of coins will make a statue open up a slot and drop anything from 10 silvers to 1 golden crown.  There are eight statues for every north, south, east, and west combination, and the prizes are swapped nightly.

The weight needed to drop a statue is changed monthly.

Among other things, there are mental-placebo bracelets that makes you feel luckier, only in the presence of a Chance statue.  It really does nothing, but yeah, there's your scam for all the other temples too...

What else?  Donating excessive amounts of crowns will begin to open up hidden services at Chance temples, such as access to private seats, a kickstarter for political power, an opportunity to become a Chancer...

Ooh. I like that statue thing, that's a nice, plausibly simple mechanism for gambling. Thanks!

I don't want a scam... at least not a blatant scam. But thanks anyway. XD

Hmm...I like it.

Love the game so far Morgan. Hope you keep at it!

Are you still working on this?

I'm not sure. Similar to what happened with Paladin, I have the feeling that there's something in the structure of what I have planned that needs fixing, without having a clear idea of how to fix it... >_<

Sounds more like you plain just don't like something about it but can't put your finger on it.

I'm pretty sure it's the plot. Specifically, the leap in logic required to get from where the protagonist is, to participating in the Night Hunt. Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I feel like I probably need to scrap the beginning and start closer to the decision to join the Night Hunt... 

Well, not sure what the night hunt is, so that may or may not be a good idea haha.

From what's already in the game:

Every few days -- or more accurately, every few nights -- an airborne demon comes within range of the city's defenses, and is shot down. Since a demon's heart is worth a small fortune, there are those who prowl the streets, waiting for one of the winged monsters to fall. They call it the Night Hunt, though no true Hunter would deign to participate.

It's a dangerous game -- and not because of the demon, which is generally dead by the time it hits the ground. It's dangerous because it's a game that only the desperate play.

People die, in the skirmishes fought over the demon's corpse.

Some people die. Some people get rich.

Seems sort of far fetched that the guards who kill the demon would just ignore the incredibly valuable prize that comes with killing it. Not to mention they also seem to ignore the chaos that it creates.

Not guards -- automated magical weaponry. I'll have to make that clearer.

I think they do basically ignore the resulting chaos, though. Possibly because they're being paid to do so by the increasingly wealthy and powerful leaders of the primary two gangs of Night Hunters...

Why would they pay them to ignore it?
 

To keep their members from getting arrested?

Ah, I took the whole "no real hunter would participate" a bit too seriously then, haha.

...now I'm confused. Doesn't much matter, I guess, since I'm not inclined to work on this project at the moment, but there's definitely something I'm not communicating clearly here. :P

"True" Hunters = people who go out into the desert and kill demons. Or die. Average lifespan once becoming a Hunter is probably less than a  year... but if they come back at all, they're rich.

Night Hunters = people who spend their nights waiting for a dead demon to fall from the sky, and occasionally fighting other people doing the same. Primarily divided into two main gangs, each with its own leader. Regular gang members aren't rich -- there's a bonus for finding the heart, but most of the money is divided among everyone in the gang, with the share determined by seniority. The leaders, of course, get the lion's share.

It would be fun to play a game where you're a lone night hunter.

That would definitely be an option here. It's like playing the lottery, though -- you're gambling on the demon basically falling on top of you, such that you have time to butcher it and get the hell away from it before the gang members arrive.

Of course, this IS a setting where Chance might intervene on your behalf... ^_^

Wouldn't that give the NH all the more reason to be a desperate game?  If the town had a curfew, imagine how many people would be cleared out.

It'd also clear out the "trash" desparate enough to even risk getting an aerial demon heart.

That'd be really funny if you got a demon heart of the same variety as the flying demons, and when you show it around, people think you're a Night Hunter.  That would be an icky situation to get out of.  >.<

Yeah, the Hunters really don't think much of the participants in the Night Hunt... XD

Sigh... yeah, I'm just lacking in enthusiasm in general for this... and I don't think it's just because I think the beginning needs to be overhauled, if not completely scrapped. >_<