Hi everyone. I am writing a story that I was wondering if a couple of people had the time to do a play through of what I have written so far. My Grammer is one of my weak points. I have been reading my work multiple times but I may still missing mistakes.
I also wonder your thoughts on the progression of the story. Do you think it's advancing fast enough, or is it too slow, losing the interest of the reader. I worry I might be too descriptive, and the readers mind may wander if I am too long winded.
A side note to my story is the inspiration for it. I have had a run of bad luck with the pandemic. We lost our business. Currently, we do Uber eats and food dash trying to get back on our feet. However, we are homeless, living out of our car. Due to the current living situation and job, we travel all over the Dallas metroplex. I had to use the restroom one morning about 3am, so we pull into a very large gas station. I go inside, and this huge building is quiet without a soul in site. I didn't even see the clerk. I go into the bathroom, and notice when I shut the bathroom stall behind me, it looks banged up, like someone pried it open. I lock the lock on the handle, do my business, but when I try to leave the door won't open. I make sure it's unlocked and it won't budge. I start laughing reaching for my phone to call my husband to tell him I'm stuck in the bathroom stall, but then realize I left my phone in the car. I start to panic a little. The lights start to flicker. Now I am really hitting this door pushing and pulling trying to get it to open. I stop and quietly say, "please let me out." I hear a soft click and the door swings open. I don't know if my feet even hit the ground. I darted out of there.
When I told my husband, he told me about a delivery he made to a hotel next door. The doors wouldn't open. The front desk people had to pry it open to let him in. The elevator was also broken as the doors would not open, so he had to use the stairs.
That was part of what inspired this story. The town is based off of the infamous Centralia Pennsylvania where the coal mines have been burning since the 60's.
Well, let me know your thoughts if anyone gets the time.
Thanks I hope I linked it correctly. https://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-bathroom-stall