7/30/2024

5/25/2025 1:28 AM

726

1

1509 wins / 1483 losses

Marauder

Gay and Depressed in Prison

3rd place entry in Corgi's Gaybellion Contest

In this game, you play a very familiar character from the previous Gay and Depressed stories, who is now in jail. You used to be a side character in other people's stories, but now the spotlight is finally yours in this Gay and Depressed spin-off!

If you're interested in some more Gay and Depressed story games, check out the original by queenlatifah04, Gay Old Time by Darius_Conwright, Gay and DepressedER!!! by fresh_out_of_the_oven, and Gay and Depressed: The snow bunny society by Benholman44. All of the "gay and depressed" stories are stand-alone stories, so each one can be read separately, but I highly recommend you check these stories out!

Down by the river

unpublished

There's an old man called the Mississippi
That's the old man that I'd like to be!
What does he care if the world's got troubles?
What does he care if the land ain't free?

Ol' man river,
That old man river
He must know something
But don't say nothing
He just keeps rolling
He keeps rolling along"

-Oscar Hammerstein, "Old Man River"

In this story game, you play Samantha, a 25-year old engineer who's recently been through a rough breakup. Out of the blue, your grandfather asks you to accompany him on a river-boat journey where you two will traverse across a national treasure, our very own Mississippi River. Explore the natural beauty of this great waterway as you embark on a journey of self-discovery and finding love. Will you successfully find both on this wonderful river-boat adventure? Only one way to find out!

Falsely Accused:The Telenorian Kingdom's Worst Prison

unpublished

Submitted for Sherbet's Summer's End Synergy Contest.

In this game, you play as a thief. The princess has been kidnapped and everyone suspected that the big fat evil dragon kidnapped her. Naturally, since you and your crew are the dragon's known associates, you are put in the jail. But here's the thing, you're innocent. From the moment you're in jail, it's been one nightmare after another. Far from administering the justice, the Telenorian Prison is nothing but exploitative and conniving. Will you be able to survive and point the finger back on those that did you wrong, or will you succumb to the darkness in jail without getting the chance to vindicate yourself. Warning: This game can be emotionally disturbing and contains dark themes with many parallels to real life. Proceed at your own risk.

Unsolved

unpublished

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When the thunder dome is done, are you guys going to put the games on your main profile? All 4 are really amazing, and they would look really good on your guys's profiles

You and Anthraxus really went all in. Wow. The myth. The legend. A plot so non-existent and unoriginal that it led me to the greater truths about the universe. I have gazed into the void... and felt its hungry, gnawing eyes gazing back at me. 1/infinity. view more... — Fluxion on 5/23/2025 2:00:00 PM with a score of 0 The only positive that can be said of this story is that there are words on every page and it does mostly stay on theme. No page is more than a sentence or two long, yet it is not free of spelling and grammar issues. The only item, your acceptance letter, does not match the name given to your character, and it just vanishes as one point from your inventory with no explanation. — Anthraxus on 5/23/2025 10:30:40 AM with a score of 0 You guys were brutal lol

I really liked the first sentence! It's pretty compelling, because images are instantly conjured up to my mind of the feeling of hard work outside, and I really want to know more. Why does he regret working outside? I really liked the descriptors, I feel the narrator's exhaustion and the environmental descriptors add to the oppressive mood quite nicely. Already, it feels rather dystopian. I think the biggest strength is the worldbuilding. Right from the first page, we get a really interesting premise. I love the idea of the box digging in his arm, the whole concept of working at a theme park with hybrid humans, couples made up of humans married to monsters. I loved the class distinctions, and the inequality, it gives a really dystopian feel to the narrative The coolest part(in terms of psychological horror), was the last paragraph: Blood gushes out quickly, and you stumble towards the repair machine, shutting the door behind you with your good arm. Fog begins to flood down from the vents above you, relaxing you while a needle pokes through your skin, a mechanized hand wrapping camoflauging bandages around your arm. They fade to the color of your skin, almost invisible. You know the longer you stay, the more food you'll be docked for the week, but... I really loved this! What the hell is going on with the amusement park? Why is he getting his food docked? The needle and the mechanical arm were so creepy. As well as the box digging in the MC's skin. Characterization was also quite good. We get a feel for the character's place in the world, his anger at the injustice of the class division, his feeling of fear towards Rank 1. I also think the incident that was used was a good way to shed some light into the surrounding world, and bring people into the world without info dumping. Suffice to say, I liked this first page! It was quite good. Drawbacks: I think pacing. I do think with editing, the first page could be a bit tighter. That could just be me. You can definetly have longer pages, and you could probably trim some of the inner monologue. Then again, some of the best stories on the site rely heavily on internal monologue. It's always a fine balance to have just the right amount of inner monologue and action. Grammar wise: I see some comma splices and run on sentences. Take this sentence here: She towers above you by about three feet, you suddenly you feel like the child here. Sentence Structure/Style: I would vary up the rhythm. Starting sentences off with you a lot/Overreliance on Telling: With the show vs tell debate, you obviously can't constantly show. That would get old super fast, but at the same time, in CYOA, since we all use 2nd person POV we're naturally going to see more telling compared to traditional novels. For instance, Endmaster's works are some of the best on the site, and he does a lot of telling vs showing. You tend to start many sentences off with "You do this, you do that", and that can get pretty repetitive. Heightening Tension/Creating a sense of atmosphere: I would definetly write more about the narrator's fear of the consequences. The body horror with the device embedded in your arm, and the ending paragraph are superb! I would make the rest of the world feel a lot more oppressive, since this is clearly some messed up dystopia. By doing more showing vs telling, really heighten that feeling of discomfort and tension the MC must feel. Also there are parts where I would probably heighten the creepy factor, and dial it up to 11. Original Sentence: "The small black box begins to push against your skin" Revised Sentence: "The small black box moves underneath your skin like a centipede. You see your skin turn red and you feel the box straining and squirming, as if it's burrowing its way out. Trimming some of the excessive adjectives/adverbs out: Obviously not in the horror parts. Maybe just in the build up, the exposition where you lead up to horror. Overall, the biggest strengths are world building, the horror writing, the ideas, the class/ranking system, the narrator's characterization, and the way you write the environment/setting. It is a good first page, and one that could be improved upon a bit. But as a first page, it's better than anything I've written, and it was a treat to go through this story. Also, putting aside the critique/reviewing mindset, I loved reading this for fun! I can't wait to find out what happens next!

Also, thanks for doing the interview. Both you and Mystic provided some awesome advice and relatable struggles that will definetly help out future writers. In a way, these interviews are almost like the reflection posts that people used to writer after a contest. So it's cool that you guys brought that tradition back.

I'm really glad you liked that piece, Flux! The ThatIndianGuy saga was too ridiculous to not include, since this issue focused on all the interesting aspects of this year's contest.

lol, that's really nice of you Flux. This game could have been a lot better. The Black Death is such an interesting historical event, and so significant that in better hands, it could have been really amazing! Sadly, these kids will be forced to slog through the Black Death game, and then vent their anger out through reviews with a poor choice of words.

Oh yeah lol. That game really bothered me. It's really amazing that you remembered that. I think that review on the Harry Potter game was the only angry negative review I gave. It's really nice that you see and read through the reviews I put.

Congrats Avery! Price of freedom is truly an awesome game! March, which ending did you get?

Oh god, that would be terrible lol.

True. That's pretty smart!