Shadowdrake27, The Wordsmith

Member Since

11/26/2018

Last Activity

11/29/2021 12:00 AM

EXP Points

472

Post Count

746

Storygame Count

6

Duel Stats

4 wins / 0 losses

Order

Marauder

Commendations

209

You can read a story of mine and form your own opinion of me. I'll probably see you on the Forum if you are actively posting as well. As far as I can tell, no one actually reads these anyway...


CYS is where I have come to read awesome stories for awhile, and it is a great creative outlet for both new and experienced writers. There is a ton of community support, if you can handle some constructive criticism without imploding. Also be sure to check out the resources under the help and info tab if you are a very inexperienced writer like I was when I first came here.


Since I am a perfectionist with a job, family, and life, my writing may come out slowly. Feel free to read anything I have on the site and comment. It doesn't really matter to me if you read it or not, but I do love getting feedback from comments. Feel free to message me with questions or to talk as well; I like both bouncing ideas off people and chatting. My responses might not be immediate, but I usually get back to people on here.

 

Unfortunately, I am now somewhat of a grammar freak. Blame Gower if you see him, but you should use complete sentences when you do. To make matters worse (or more hilarious), I'm still not great with grammar. I just happen to care more when I actually notice something is wrong.

 

-shadowdrake27

 

If you are bored try adding a page to this fun collaborative writing prompt on infinitestory.com:

https://infinite-story.com/story/info.php?id=20343

 

Saved threads:

Chapter 1: The She-Demon

Let Gower Teach You

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points Given by BerkaZerka on 10/17/2021 - Cool Contributions

Storygames

Clearstone

Clearstone was a peaceful place where a man could forage his own path in life, but that was before Mad Dog Roberts took it over. Now Clearstone is owned by the Roberts Mining Co. and the people are little more than cogs in Roberts golden machine. This traveling cowboy isn't a part of that machine, and he isn't about to leave without a fight.


Day of the Dead--One Soul's All Souls Procession

Day of the Dead Skull

Matthew Mercia had never believed in the Day of the Dead the way his mother did. He didn't get excited to wake up on November second to celebrate the lives of relatives who had passed--until he was one of those relatives. Now he can only wake up on the day of the dead, so he only has tonight to walk among the living. How did I die? Who killed me? Why? These questions may just keep Matthew from celebrating this Dia de Muertos.

Authors Note:

This story was written in four hours for Ectocomp 2019 with 4,500 words, 7 unique endings, and one epilogue. It is based on the All Souls Procession Weekend in Tuscon Arizona. No additional knowledge is needed to read the story, but if you want more information on anything look up the event! 

Edited on 12/06/19: the tense switch on the first page was fixed. Everything else was left the way it was for the contest.

Image from: http://clipart-library.com/day-of-the-dead-clipart.html


Inheritance House

A suspense/horror story. It is about a cabin you inherited from your creepiest uncle (yeah you know the one). There are two possible endings. Good luck.

Tips:  Use the link at the end to go back to the beginning, even if you die you can continue to play. Hit "Drive to cottage" after each play through and look for the room that changed. You will face a choice in that room that will decide if you live or die, again.

Note: A special thanks to Chris113022 and Gower who play tested, and proofread this story.


Leroy and Mika's Organic Poetry

Let's write a poem together,

about nature or the weather.

Alternating lines, you and me,

 writing in perfect harmony.

I will write a line, you the next,

our lais is a river of text.

Leroy and Mika are parting ways for two years. They have signed up for the Peace Corps and are going to opposite corners of the globe to make a difference in the world. Their shared loves are poetry and the environment. This lais is the perfect poem to remind them what they mean to each other; they just have to write it.

Authors Notes:

A 1,000-word story written for a contest with the theme of nature environment. The game is a craft your own poem game. A lais is a poem written with octosyllabic couplets (8 syllable lines that rhyme in pairs). You get to craft the poem that expresses these two characters' love, and you get to decide if their love is strong enough to survive two years apart.

Actual word count is 936.

A special thanks to  Ogre11 and mizal for proofreading and play-testing! Their feedback was instrumental in making this game what it is.


Merlin: Origins

Merlin Ambrosius was just an electrician working in Britain. His last job was on an archeological site doing the lighting for what was believed to be the home of Merlin the Magician. He accidentally got himself sent back in time to the days of King Arthur, where Merlin Ambrosius became the sorcerer of legend. Did he serve King Arthur well as a trusted advisor? Was he a feared but well-respected as a sorcerer? Or did he get caught trying to fool the medieval prince?

Author's Note:

This game was made for the Year's End Contest - Choose Your Own Prompt II. The theme was "8) This story has an original and sensible magic system, built from the ground up. The plot is up to you."

Magic is defined as the power to influence reality by using mysterious or supernatural forces. Rather than having characters learn to shoot fire out of their hands, my magic system is based on having limited technology in the past.

There are two main branches, which focus on different types of "magic." One caution is that some of the smaller pathways are similar, differing only by the puzzle you have to solve and ways you can fail. Also, when choosing between the "Lady of the Lake" myth or the "Sword in the Stone" myth, please note that these tales both involve Excalibur, so the story remains the same until after you make the sword of legend. After that part, these two branches have a different (second) puzzle, which can lead to various endings.

An answer guide is provided for electrical puzzles. For an added challenge, do not use it. Additionally, there is a walkthrough here if you want help finding all 12 endings. Good luck!

Special thanks to Reader82 and poison_mara for proofreading and play-testing for me. Without them, this story would have a few million more errors. Reader82 fixed most of my bad grammar, and poison_mara thought of adding the guide for the electrical puzzles.


The Chronomantic Adventures of Professor Gower: Office Hours

Professor Gower sits in his big, big oak desk, glasses perched precariously on his nose. He lays a fountain pen down atop his grade book and steeples his hands with something of a patient sigh.

He has warned his students:

The purpose of this thread is to have a place to talk about smallish issues of language, style, syntax, grammar, word choice, paragraph structure, or whatever. This is for microlevel issues, not big stuff like "what should I write about?" or "how do I make interesting choices?" or "is that mole bigger than yesterday?"

Bring a piece of your work-in-progress, and let's all discuss it together.

It's worth 40% of your grade, and you may not have an extension.

Alas, no one has come to his office today. This is not an issue though: Professor Gower has better things to do.

Authors Note:

Time travel story-game requested by Microblue with permission from Gower.

Special thanks to TheChef for play-testing and proofreading.

The Description was mostly written by Gower, and the rest is the author's original account of the real adventures of the English professor that travels in time to ensure the safety of literary classics. While you can read this story on its own, it's recommended that you have some familiarity with the classic authors Homer, Marie de France, and Euripides. It's also recommended that you read The Iliad, Lanval, Medea, and Beowulf before reading this story. General knowledge of those works will be accepted for this story but will do nothing for your grades on Gower's quiz to follow.

There are two possible endings. There are also four authors to meet, four literary gems to save, and four historic items to frame in Gower's office; however, there is only one epilogue.

Please enjoy as you travel to the past to meet Gower's favorite authors.


Dark Master
unpublished

Dark Master Cover

Todd, a master of dark magic in a world that forbids it, has a chance to prove that dark magic can be used for good; unless he becomes the dark lord that everyone fears. Will Todd become a hero, or is he destined to be the villain?

Notes:

More of a story with multiple outcomes than a game.

There are no right or wrong answers, although you have the option of getting yourself killed many times, and choices matter.

## unique epilogues are available. 

On the first page, there is a link to background information on the world and how it is structured. This link is for people that like to have the basic understanding and context that the main character has at the start. It is completely optional.


Deep Space Asteroid Mining Mission
unpublished

Applicants wanted for an exciting and challenging position as the captain of a deep space mining mission. No former space exploration experience is necessary. We are looking for candidates with common sense and natural leadership skills. Press the button below to apply!

Job Summary:

Responsible for all decisions made aboard the Endeavor mining shuttle.

Location: Outer Space

Job Type: Contract

Salary: 10% of any profits made. All losses will be deducted from base salary.


Furthest Star: Icarus
unpublished

Every billionaire wants to get in on the space-race these days, and William C. Harrington is no exception. With an extraordinary budget, an abundance of passion, and an intense desire to never lose, he set his sights on colonizing the farthest star known to mankind--Icarus.

Traveling through space can be a dangerous ordeal; fortunately, the crew bound for Icarus has you to guide them. Will you gamble your life to fulfill the vision of your eccentric financier, change the mission to increase the chances of successful colonization, or explore space in humanity's first mobile colony? We are waiting on your orders, captain!


U-Cloud Human Cloud Computing: Unplugged
unpublished

The year is 2075. Eyron is the city that serves as the worlds leading technological center. It has expanded to encompass 70% of the U.S. population. Anyone who matters is in Eyron as part of the U-Cloud.

U-Cloud is the worlds first cloud computing network that includes androids and humans. A new microprocessor developed by Volpere, the largest technology company in the world, allows human minds to be linked to computer information networks, but it comes at a price. Like any machine on the U-Cloud, admins can take total control of people on the network.

The government and wealthy elite serve as admins to maintain order on the U-Cloud. They can monitor the thoughts, memories, and actions of any device on the network to ensure all rules are adhered to. All devices have no choice but to play by the rules, with a few exceptions.

Alexander Kertchen is one of those exceptions. His blue collar background means he is one of the chipped members of the working class, but Alex's job is to modify and fix broken microprocessors. When his chip needs a repair, he manages to unplug himself from the U-Cloud. What this young technician does with his new found freedom is up to you.


Articles Written

Beginner's Guide to chooseyourstory.com
If you just joined or stumbled upon the website here are some tips to help.

Recent Posts

O'wl draw you! on 11/28/2021 8:57:21 PM

Oh, how fun! Can you make a Shadow Dragon? I don't have many specifics, but I world prefer the main colors be black and purple. You can just Google "shadow dragon" and use the first image as inspiration. Whatever you come up with I'll make my avatar. No need to credit me or anything, it's your work.


Attention Newbies: January is Open Season! on 11/25/2021 2:51:52 PM

Yeah, well, one can hope! Being in a duel for the fun of it will be fun enough though. We will see how it goes.


Attention Newbies: January is Open Season! on 11/25/2021 2:36:43 PM

I haven't been active around here recently, but I've been lurking in all of these little duels. While I have no quelms with you, I would love to be put on a bracket should this turn into a tournament. My chances of winning are probably very low, but this format seems  like a fun challenge. If a bracket is made then throw me on the list! Hopefully I can make some time to actually write in Janurary... 2500 words shouldn't be too bad.


Who is your favorite character in a book? on 11/8/2021 7:44:57 PM

Hmm I'll participate here. There are a lot of characters from a lot of different media that I have liked over the years; however, one that I keep coming back to is Sydney Carton from A Tale of Two Cities. I read the book a long time ago, so I don't remember every detail, but I have never forgotten the major details of his storyline. Basically, I'm a sucker for self sacrificing characters.
 

Sydney constantly sacrifices himself for his friends and those he loves. From failing law school because he did his friends homework but not his own, to being his friends assistant to make his law firm the best in town, and even giving up his own life to safe a man the woman he loves is in love with, Sydney almost never does anything that benefits himself more than it benefits his friends. This is, to me, an ideal characteristic to have. It falls in line with a lot of aspects of my life, even if it is taken to a more extreme level than I ever have had to go to.


Writing an Excellent First Page on 11/7/2021 9:02:51 PM

Wait, he finds donuts eventually? I would read on then!
 

You did really well tying together all of the jokes on this thread into an actual first page of a story though. I even like the synopsis you provided. Escaping aliens to find donuts would be the best story game since cows vs aliens!


Writing an Excellent First Page on 11/7/2021 8:46:09 PM

I see what you did here, haha. It's better than some story openings that I've read despite so much about breakfast. Still, I might pass this story up since it's obvious that there will be no donuts. Why read a breakfast story without donuts? The only thing that might keep me interested is the fact that toast and jam got me into this mess... how did that happen? 


New here on 11/6/2021 7:47:08 PM

Welcome to the site! Writing here is fun and easy. The community is fairly active and helpful on the forums. Feel free to post in the writing workshop if you have questions. There is also a "Help & Info" tab on the left of your browser that is neat. Look there for guides in various areas (including how to make your own story, link pages together, and do other basics). I made a guide that explains some of this called a beginners guide to chooseyourstory.com (or something like that).

 

Good luck and have fun!


Writing an Excellent First Page on 11/6/2021 12:25:09 PM

This sounds painful. I have the good fortune of not running into a lot of these (yet).


Writing an Excellent First Page on 11/6/2021 10:49:25 AM

That was just a general example, but that is true. My point was just that if you start too far away form the action there will be too much filler up front. You can write a good scene about eating breakfast or even one where the main character isn't doing anything. However, I think I was traumatized by a story I reviewed elsewhere that had an opening like that, so I figured I would try to prevent it from happening here, haha.


Writing an Excellent First Page on 11/5/2021 11:22:01 PM

So, the question is "how do I write a good first page and what are some examples?" I am not sure how helpful this will be, but here is what I got on how to write a good first page...

 

Start your story where they action starts. I see a lot of people make the mistake of starting with their main character eating breakfast or something stupid. Unless your story is about cooking, starting with breakfast probably isn't a good idea. If the story is about aliens invading, start the story when the aliens show up or immediately before they do. This will allow you do get to action or the meat of the story quickly. You can always add a flash back to what life was like before the aliens invaded later, but no one wants to read 1,000 words about how boring the main character's life is before the aliens arrive. They want to read about people getting the anal probes or whatever is happening. So many stories or shows start with the ending and flash back because they can create an exciting cliff hanger and start with action. 

 

If I read your first page and there isn't a question that I want answered, you are risking me not moving on to the second page. Ask your self, "Why would someone even click this first link to the second page or make this first choice?" There should be an answer. Something like, "They want to know if the main characters girl friend survived the explosion when the aliens spaceship crashed into her car." Ending your first page with some sort of question, intrigue, mystery, or other incentive to move forward is critical. Cliff hangars are a really good strategy for this.

 

Mizal said this, but world building and exposition can come later. Save them for after your hook. I would rather see magic in action than have it explained. How magic works can come after I see some lighting magic kill a horde of goblins or something sweet. It's okay if things happen that are not totally explained on the first page as long as your story has internal logic and isn't impossible to follow without a ton of background info (like if you were to use made up words without explaining what they are with real words). Of course, your story might not have combat action, but you need to get into the interesting content quickly. This means introducing the romance element or a love interest on the first page or whatever it takes to have the story unfolding before the reader quickly.
 

Some sort of prologue is a good way to do this and introduce things that won't happen until much later in the main storyline as well. For example, a story about a school of mages might not have the students doing anything cool; however, their teacher might be a famous mage that battles a dragon in your prologue. Flash backs have already been mentioned, but they are a good way to add that information dump you are dying to put in your story after reader are hooked or to start in the middle of some "action" and still go back to the "beginning" later. 


This is more general advice, but I think it is most important here in the beginning of your story: if you are being too wordy, make sure your focus of dedicating the most words to the most important elements of your story. Count the words you spend on the main character eating breakfast and compare it to the number of words used to describe the alien invasion (back to the first example). Make sure the word count favors the aliens that are literally what readers came to see and not the toast with jam. 

 

Sorry if this is a bit disjointed or clumsy. I made it on my phone quickly, but I hope it helps!