Aloe's Disappearance

Interesting, but I couldn't help but be a bit confused as I read through this story. Although I guess that could be attributed to my lack of insight about the source material that this story is based on, but this certainly wasn't a bad read.

I just wish that more effort was put forth to make me as a reader feel for these characters, which I ultimately struggled with doing. Weird phrasing and grammar were both issues as I read. Such things did not do well in improving my enjoyment of this game. Polish and proofreading is always essential and should be at the forefront of your agenda before publishing something.

This game also had the issue of being quite linear, because when you weren't picking the 'correct' choice you were either dying or meeting an unfortunate end. I usually don't have a problem with that, but with the length of this game it made certain ends come rather abruptly in this already short story.

Still, the potential is there and with all of its faults, this was a game that I found myself wanting to leave no page unread. My advice is to better proofread and check your work, because it comes a long way in making your story more enjoyable in the long run.

Why is this on the site still

This is awful.

I don't even know where to begin. Two male WHAT? It never says what kind of animal we are and there aren't even details to figure it out. We're wild animals who live in Africa and have names like Radioactive and Duke, do you not see the problem here? This is so stupid.

Hmmm. It wasn't amazing but not the worst thing I've ever read. I can't say I would recommend this, but I don't regret reading this. So fair enough I guess.

it was good for what i got out of it. i didn't really under stand it because i could not focuse

Was there no happy ending?

Well that was short...

It was written fine, but I just couldn't connect with the characters.

good job

well the story was good, short but good, kinda need one more page and its long.


-Star The Vakooja from ASP