Among the Trees

Overall, it was an interesting storygame that, besides the abrupt ends at the beginning, possesses a narrative cohesion that follows the typical rise-in-tension-till-it-culminates-in-the-climax-and-resolution story structure. I find that this served the dramatic tensions and payoffs well, since it allowed the reader to explore the different conflicts between each character (specifically, between Rose, narrative guy and his dad). Since these conflicts are the source of this story's stakes, you pulled off an important crux to the narrative successfully.

Although the narrator's sister is underdeveloped as a character, and his mum is almost non-existent, I think that this was fine because neither had much impact on the story at all and indicating that these characters are very minor didn't distract the reader from more important characters and create any loose ends. Kudos on this discerning use of character, if it was deliberate.

The linear storyline didn't bother me since it served the story well. Having a simple, sequence of events suits stories that aren't too long since, within the confines of the story's brevity, it prevents anything from becoming convoluted and confusing. So I wouldn't take points away for that.

5/8, was interesting while it lasted.

For being written in three days this was seriously impressive. Buuuut, we're all aware by now you can effortlessly crank out an above-site-standards story at inhumanly fast speeds, so I think I'm going to have to switch to the Steve Scale to rate these from now on.

Like always, it could benefit from a proofread (not anywhere near Prometheus levels of lazy, however), and the other trend with your stuff is the relative linearity. If you don't wind up at an instant game over, the plot here stays the same with only some cosmetic changes all the way till the end choices. Bad Steve.

As far as plot logic nitpicks go, I kept thinking Jacob should be having more of a reaction to Rose's...oddness, or what happened to his family. And I know I already mentioned this, but I was disappointed you couldn't at least attempt to kill the mother while protected from her. Also on that note, I was actually kind of disappointed being gullible as shit around her led to the 'good' ending. I figured she was making a transparent attempt to trick Jacob and went for it first to see the game over, then nope. That's apparently what you were supposed to do.

Also sort of amusing to me was that Jacob's father and the more puritanical beliefs basically turned out to be right--from the way he was written I'm sure that wasn't your intention, but there it is. The Devil is totally real and out to steal souls, witches exist, and frolicking in the woods leads to bad shit happening.

And I'll probably be in the minority here, but while I really liked Rose at the initial meetings and thought the whole growing friendship thing was actually really sweet, I ended the story not very sympathetic with her. She made a sacrifice, yeah, but I kind of felt it was on her to communicate certain things beforehand that would've avoided the need for fixing the situation in the first place.

I definitely don't consider riding off with her to live happily ever to be the optimal ending, considering what happened to the rest of his family just a short while before and how easily preventable it would have been if she'd been more up front.

One other minor complaint is that I feel that the family, or Meredith at least, could've been developed a little more. You usually don't make a point to establish a character as having a twin, and then not give the twin any scene time or purpose. At least give us an incest path or a chance to sacrifice her, jeez. (TBH I was expecting something to come of you giving her dress away. Hard to believe she never noticed, considering she probably owned like, two, and couldn't exactly go to a store to buy a new one. Oh, and if you choose to 'Do Nothing' instead of getting the dress, it just loops back around to offering Rose a piece of bread, just fyi.)

But any criticisms aside, this was a solid story and a great entry to the Love & Dating section. Way more interesting than anything L&D usually gets. But it's just...let's be honest here, that basically amounts to you winning the Special Olympics at this point. I'm waiting to see what you can do if you really push yourself. Setting your stuff against the typical CYS fare isn't much competition, and you could be aiming higher.

i wish they had sex

This story was great! The only complaint that I can find with it is the spelling errors, which is understandable considering you only worked on this a few days. 7/8

I loved the writing and detail, only complaint is that I didn't have any choice in my MC or the love interest but i'm new to this website so maybe that's just how it is. Still liked reading this is just don't think it was exactly for me<3

I really enjoyed it. Amazing storytelling with just enough mystery and a beautiful romance.

This was really an interesting read. I really enjoyed it.

Very good story! Keep it up.

Beautiful story. 10/10

I liked it. Alas! I wanted more from Lucy-Goosy.