Forbidden

Reminds me of Franz Kaftka's Trial, whatever you do you are screwed :) At first glance it seems to have really good branching but actually you're steered into the situation where you're going to Forbidden Island regardless, a mere pawn in the hands of fate. The pacing is very irregular and a lot of things are random: the fate of the first man has little connection to my fate - I was sent to the island, bizarrely, for trying to stop two random people (who never appear again) from arguing. Whatever was happening on the island ended really quickly too so this story is unfinished and you shouldn't publish unfinished stories.

It is an interesting idea to send the reader to an island that they need to escape from. My suggestion is you draw a map of the island with paths, places and encounters and plan it out fully, in particular you need an actual ending (player escapes by boat or whatever but then where do I go, if I return to my homeland the queen will just send me back) and to publish a finished story.

There were a few spelling mistakes as well, which makes your comment on the story accurate rather than ironic, and you need to branch more. There is the nucleus of an idea here but it needs a lot more development, especially the actual escaping the island bit which needs to be massively expanded. Not a bad start but your story will probably be unpublished for being unfinished soon anyway.

Im sorry there are so many spelling mistakes! Anyway, part 2 is a different story which i'll post by the end of next month!

I love the energy in the writing, but it feels incomplete. I'm going to need more of a story once you wake up on the island.

uncompleted story

The story seemed to end just as it was getting interesting. There's nothing inherently wrong with sequels or part 2s to storygames but each game should still be a complete story, even if it ends on a cliffhanger. It's definitely an interesting plot so I hope you rework the story a bit in the future.

i am dah creator. play dis now. it made in way where you can read dah text easily because it is short. there is a lot of writing. like i said b4, play dis stuffs now.