Gay and Depressed

The first of many. When I first saw this title I laughed. As far as being humorous, the main thing about it I find amusing is how bad it is.

The plot was pretty much all over the place with you following some girl you have a crush on and never have a happy ending with. The endings are either your girlfriend kills you, a criminal kills you, or you kill yourself with most of the deaths usually occurring via a Rube Goldberg mechanism of demise.

There is a lack of description and dialogue as well as a noticeable lack of coherency to the narrative which leads me to conclude this story was written without any serious thought put into it.

This story’s defining attribute is the unintentional hilarity through poor writing and serving as an amusing reminder of what a low quality storygame looks like and how to avoid a similar fate.

Other than that it wasn’t the worst thing I’ve read and it managed to get a few unintended laughs

"You guys see the mugger come back and he shoots you"

So far the mugger is my favorite villain in a CYS story,the way the page just wraps up how he came back and murdered us.

So beautiful.

This story could have been longer, it feels like you make 2-3 choices before committing suicide, making someone get hit by a bus, or getting offed by the worlds best villain.

I think you could have gone into more detail here, why is our hero depressed? A major life event, several? Is he depressed just because he is gay? If so, does that really make much sense?

Does the hero have any other reason for living other than having someone to get killed with?

There's a lot of details that could have been worked in pre-depression and during/post depression. Any way, story was alright.

Well this was interesting, I'll give it that. A few random things to point out.

1. You do realize that on page one, there are three options that all say the same thing but lead to different pages... What is the point in that?

2. You forgot to sign your permission slip? I kind of thought the whole point of permission slips was that somebody else is supposed to sign them.

3. You try to tell your crush you like her, but end up accidentally screaming in her face? ... Whoops. Yeah, that's going to set off a few red flags, try not to do that to do that in the future.

4. The girl you had a crush on doesn't like you back, and so your only option is to kill yourself? Oh the unspeakable pain of first world problems. I really don't understand how anybody makes it past the age of 20 in this cruel, cruel world.

5. The game doesn't really make it clear that the character you're playing is a girl, (except for that one scene where your girlfriend punches you in the boob. That was random.)

Other than that, it was definitely a fun read. Kind of puts me in mind of the Harry Potter fanfic My Immortal. If you plan to do a follow up game, try making the main character a satanist, and have her breakdown crying, asking "Why did Satan make me so beautiful?" ^_^

i tougth it was a gay game , but is a lesvian game :(

Top 10 Anime Arcs of All Time

Is this finished? Its kinda random and would need more work on it. But, good job!

A weird story. Nothing that happens makes sense and is completely random.

I just want to say that I will never allow this garbage to be unpublished. I love it too dearly

This story makes me feel significantly better about my own writing.

why does everything happen to MC???