Player Comments on My Sweet Anna

Like poor Anna, the images have disappeared into the depths of time.... Sorry to say this will not be one of the nice, buttery reviews.

I know what this story wanted to be, and it had some early promise (besides screwing up the first paragraph, which I'll mention below), but I hate to say it did not become the beautiful butterfly it hoped when it spun its cocoon. Instead, it lingered in there, it rotted, and what came out was sickly, oozing death. Or rather, it slipped into the cocoon and then spontaneously combusted, since the change was so quick.

To begin with, the first sentence drew me out with this odd phrase: "You stand, feeling the cold wind slash against your ice." What does that even mean? I figured out the author meant to say face, but come on. Look, I'm not saying I don't make mistakes, or that I don't make a LOT of them. But please for the love of God do not do it on the first sentence. However, that isn't enough to kill your story. It's just a fly in the ointment. Completely forgivable if you make the characters matter.

Sadly, the author did not accomplish that.

We have a story about grief for a lost love. Loss is powerful, and it's a good thing to write about. But this won't work if you don't have something to draw the reader to the characters. And part of that is making sure they are both plausible and not cookie-cutter.

For plausibility, take this instant: You run over Anna, and then you hold out your hand to help her up and she just "smiles enthusiastically." Ugh. Why would she smile enthusiastically? You literally just ran her over. She should be pissed off or at least scared. Immersion strike -1 points.

Unless, of course, the reason she's smiling is because she's having a stroke. Then it would make sense. But she didn't, at least in the branch I went through.

From there, we get a memory scene where she professes her love, and then instantly after that she's dead. Poof, died during childbirth.

The whiplash from happiness at her saying she loves you to her dying during childbirth and then THE END. I'm sorry but no. The story purports itself as a story of loss and grief, but there is absolutely zero reason for the reader to feel any of that, because there was no character development, no back story that meant anything, no unique qualities whatsoever. I felt zero reason to care about Jack and his ice that was slashed by the cold wind, so why would I care about Anna Nicole's death?

So, what the author needs to do, or what someone planning to write a similar story needs to do, is remember that no one gives a shit about your characters until you MAKE them give a shit. And if they don't give a shit about your characters, they're not going to care about their tragic deaths, or the horrible grief the protagonist feels. They won't shed a tear when the little girl named after her mother cries about a spider and you pick her up and kiss her forehead. Why would they? It's just text on a screen—until you MAKE it more than just text on a screen.

Do not just cut out the middle of your story. Stories need character development. We need to feel the ups and downs of the relationship, or at least get something unique about it.

Do not ever just go from "Yay we're happy" to "but then they died." Live in your characters for a while. Tell their back story beyond one happy memory and then poof your love died. We as readers need something to latch onto, so always make sure you give readers that.

Otherwise you're going to end up with a story rated less than 4.

I think I appreciate the game more for what you were trying to do than what you actually achieved. It felt very rushed, going straight from meeting her to marrying her and then to some other memory and then the end. I didn't really see anything meaningful in there that made me care about the characters or feel like they were really in love. I think if you want people to feel a connection with the characters in a short space of time, you have to focus more on little scenes that seem unimportant but demonstrate the kind of relationship the characters have instead of big things like meeting, wedding, pregnant, death.

This felt rushed. Still pretty good though! Would recommended everyone to give it a try.

This was pretty decent. Certainly not great, but it was decent. The ending was really sad. Like the other comments mentioned, this does feel a bit rushed, especially towards the end. It could do with a revision, some proofreading, and expansion of Jack and Anna's relationship.

I got the ending with Jack's daughter, who's named Anna after her mother. I liked that ending, but I felt bad for the little girl who never got to know her mom. Damn.

awwww so cute I love it 100/100 :)

ok game.

I'm crying this is truly a sad story and I have nothing better to do but wish that you make another hopefully you do :)

Sadly Sweet. I like it.

Well this felt a bit awkward.
I met Anna and the next thing I know we're married with a daughter. What on earth happened during all that time? Need more details. It was over too quickly as well.

I dont really like it. Overall 4/8

A very disjointed story. Doesn't mesh.

Soooo, he met anna, he married anna, anna died, anna was their daughter.

had this not been so rushed and actually had a little more story into anna it would have gotten a bigger emotional response then it barely achieved.

Ouch! I was so close to crying like a baby! lol

Quite short, semi well written but to familiar. It reminds me of "Snow" by Sethaniel only I feel that "Snow" produces deeper emotional response.

love it

Short and very sweet but, I didn't really like the she died last year thing. maybe you could of left it at a "How I miss my sweet Anna. but, nevertheless it was a very good storygame!

At first, I was kind of liking it. It was very romantic, and the memories were sweet. It was, sadly, slightly more fun than HOMEWORK. Decent game. Nice job.

Really sad and heartbreaking, but a good game

That, was so sweet, I love it... I have been inspired

Very sweet

it was good wish it was longer though

much of a plot but a verry good game nonetheless.

This started off well and I thought it was going to be a good story. Then it seems the author got bored with it. My advice would be to take the story down and improve the endings. All in all enjoyable but let down by rushed finale.

At first I was really kinda liking it. Yes, the memories were all very trite, stereotypical "romance" moments, but It felt like you tried to give it some decent description, your spelling and grammar were good, too. Then, what happened? The end feels like you just got tired of writing. You gave me a couple of memories, then out of nowhere "you were married for x number of years and had x kids the end."

You don't even get to know the characters at all. No emotional attachment will usually mean that it's pretty boring. Also, pretty short.

it was amazing!!!

Sweet story

This is the first 'romantic' one I've worked through. Neat concept. It could use a good proofreading though.

Sweet, but depressing. Starting off with the love interest already dead makes the rest of the story feel irrelevant.

O.K. Game.

Personally, I thought it was way too short and completely rushed. When I saw the 'End Game, Leave Comments' link, I actually said, "WHAT?" It was going so well, and then it ended. But I thought the storyline was pretty good.

Seth says MEH!!! I didn't really like it. 3/8

Not bad, I enjoyed this even if it was a little short

Very nice, reminds me of snow even though this is shorter

A little skimpy...

Linear but interesting enough to keep reading. It's way better than few new ones.

I thought it was pretty good. It's a bit on the short side, but entertaining enough to leave you wanting more :)