Rising Flames

Good:
1. Creativity and imagination
2. Length
3. Death scenes were well done
4. Romance writing

Bad:
1. Proofreading and grammar was poor

Ugly:
1. Overall formatting

Overall, as is, a rough draft of an excellent story.

First I'd like to say that I think you're an excellent writer, but I am going to be very critical of this story if only because I think that you have the potential to make it a whole lot better. Here's a few things that I think would help this story.
1. Give the reader a better idea of who the main character is, his background, his personality. If we feel we know who the character is, it'll make us care about him more.
2. Get to the action quicker. The writing is really good and I did enjoy what I read, but people sometimes get bored at the beginning of a story if there isn't some kind of interesting hook, or a sense that something big is about to happen.
3. Always, always, always get someone to proof read. While your spelling and handwriting is pretty good, sometimes the keyboard keys don't do what our fingers tell them to and a letter is missed out of a word or a sentence starts without a capital letter and that happened quite a lot in this story. I'd be more than happy to proof read the story for you if you like.
Again, I think you're a great writer and this is a great story, but I think you have the potential to be better than great. ^_^

The story was tough for me to follow because the grammar needs improvement. The big thing is the lack of commas, but there are occasional misspellings (painfull) as well as the common your-you're mix-up. Also, some of the sentences could have been reworded (one sentence started by saying some roads had changed, only for it to say the roads were UNchanged), and I feel there could have been more description. For two final nit-picks, even though I'm using a lot of parentheses in my comment, somehow I don't like seeing them used in the storygame to denote how much money you got, and I don't think people are gonna like the page numbers on every title. That aside, I...admittedly didn't experience the better part of the game, so I didn't rate it. I made it pretty quickly to a bad ending where everything burns. The world you've made seems interesting, and I'll probably play again if some mistakes get corrected; I'm genuinely interested to learn WHY everything caught on fire in my ending, and to see where fantasy elements really come into play. That's what a good story does; build intrigue. So anyway, good luck in your storygame-making endeavors!

that's really good I liked it.

I enjoyed the story but it was a little too straightforward and the ending came off as a little abrupt. Still enjoyable though. You do have a few typos from time to time as well. With all that said, keep on writing.

You know, I really liked the slow beginning and worldbuilding. It felt oddly slice of life to me. There are some idbit details about how your name came to be Glor.

You never info dumped me on the first page about the world, things were revealed very gradually. To be honest, I never really liked lore pages that much. It made the city and its surroundings a lot more lively.

Strangely enough, I don't really like the second half that much, perhaps due to the sudden tone shift. I kind of tuned out during that part. I think it's because there were no characters to really attach myself to. So I cared more about the exploratiom of the world than the fate of the inhabitants.

Overall, very fun game, proofread it a bit more and you have a nice gem of a story.

This was a good story, short and a lot of grammar mistakes.

It's a short enjoyable story. A solid simple plot that you can choose to involve yourself in or avoid entirely.

Cool!

"Ending 2
THIS IS THE SECOND BEST ENDING, THE SOLDIERS ENDING.
CONGRATULATIONS!
Once in Carn you are taken before the king and your leader makes his report after presenting the documents. King Hader immediately sends them to his scribes who make several copies and over the next few days they are smuggled out of Carn to all near-by kingdoms. King Hader also sends several emissaries to your City and is finally granted a cease-fire when one of your kings high council personally intervenes and tells the king that the council had been blocking Carn's requests and emissaries from reaching him. The Councilor was in fact your proprietor and was able to tell the king some of the truth of the situation.



Once the king knows he was being lied to he immediately took control of the military and ordered a cease-fire and confined the council to chambers under guard until he had found out the truth. And once the truth came out the entire council bar one was hung from the city gates. Peace was made between the two kingdoms and it was all due to you hearing your captain talk about his love of rocks."