Run or Die

I was bored, and you might want to consider revising your grammar.

not really a short story, more like a elongated paragraph that drones on with nothing to catch my attention.

Well, you're not a bad writer, but you only really gave us the bare minimum info to play the game. Like, we know the guy is after you because he's after some precious heirloom and you have to run away from him, but to make a detailed game, you need to expand on that quite a bit. Who is this guy who's after you? Who are you? What is the heirloom the bad guy's after? Why does he want it? Why is it so important to you? How did your parents die? Did the bad guy kill them? Do you like cheese? That aside the adventure was also really short. Would be better if you made it longer and if it didn't have any endings like "You wake up and you know the bad guy's going to come after you, but at least you're safe for now" 'cos that doesn't really seem like an ending to me, that's more like a To Be Continued. Again though, your writing isn't bad and unlike some other short story writers, if you expanded on this game a bit I'd actually want to read it again. Hope you have fun writing stories ^_^

Very short. Also some choices doesn't matter at all... I get that it's a fanfiction of some game, but everything is very vague.

Who I am? Who is the man searching for me? What am I carrying? Too little information.

(It's not a bad start and was entertaining, but way too short. You will get better ratings with a much longer story. Good luck with it =)