Player Comments on The Hand with the Knife

Disclaimer: to the author, take everything in this review with a grain of salt. I’m not a professional writer and only somewhat of a seasoned reviewer. To the readers, this review will contain lots of spoilers, so I suggest you read the storygame first.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Despite having read a number of Grimm fairytales a kid, I've never heard of this one before. Therefore, I'm thankful for the summary in the description, which nicely establishes characters, situational and stakes. The last line creates an ominous tone.

I really like the first line, “The world buzzed with the heat of summer”. That's such a descriptive way to convey how hot it is. The first page plunges readers into the story through the use of active verbs, and the sentences feel dynamic: the character winds her way through the forest, crashing into foliage, sniffling. Then, the narrative explains why this is: she has a purple welt on her eye. The stakes are raised even more, as this is revealed not to be her largest problem. Her lips are scaly and bleeding and chapped. Her tongue is “dry as a lump of felted wool”. Normally I would caution against using so many adjectives, but here, they're focused on how extensive her injuries are, hence are effective. It follows the general rule that they should modify the noun (hence a ‘sad smile’ is a good descriptor whereas a ‘happy smile’ is redundant).

She's given a clear goal: navigate to the spring deep within the forest and get a drink of water. Yet, she's plagued by the heat, which causes her to feel dizzy. The transition from long, eloquent descriptions written in cumulative sentences, to short sentence fragments conveys her state of mind. “It was hot. So hot.” This shows how her desperation for water and shade clouds her thoughts. Soon, she starts clinging on to every shred of hope: “Maybe there was one she could rest beneath. Just for a while.”

Everything that is described is relevant to the story. The rocks, to her, represented rest. And the cave brought with it a cooling shade from the sun.

Then there's a voice, speaking to her, asking her if she intends to die there, but she wonders if it is a dream. But it asks her to promise to return when she dies in exchange for her life, and she agrees.

It's an intriguing start and leaves enough questions unanswered.

WRITING STYLE

The story uses simple sentences at the start, stretching out suspense and leaving unanswered questions in the reader’s mind: why can’t the protagonist lie? What is the truth that was told?

A slight infodump occurs as each of the siblings’ curses are explained, however, it’s interesting enough and characterizes them further. The use of “or so my sister once told me” portrays the protagonist’s lack of knowledge in this regard. Due to the first person point-of-view, the protagonist’s dislike for his brother seeps through the description, and by extension, reflects his hate for his mother. They’re portrayed as hateful and power-hungry; the natural antagonists in this fairytale. Emily, on the other hand, has the greatest curse: she cannot disobey. Yet, she’s described as clever and the one most likely to undo their mother.

I noticed a few proofreading errors like missing punctuation marks and typos, but nothing too grievous. A slight nitpick: There are a few modern day swears like “what the hell” and “shit”, which seem a bit out of place considered the more archaic setting and ways of speaking, e.g. using “a man’s waist” as the measurement for the size of a tree.

The protagonist’s inner thoughts are seamlessly interwoven into the narrative alongside the action and description. It shows his personal stakes in the mission and enables the reader to empathize with him. His observations add a layer of tension and unease, such as when he remarks about “how strange it is to know so starkly that she intends for Emily to die this day”.

“I turn back and continue to strike. Each collision sends a painful jolt through me as if ice is forming within me and my joints are breaking apart with the impact. There's a weariness that starts to press around me” — I like the descriptive prose here, as the protagonist’s loss of control as she succumbs to the snowstorm is portrayed through personification of ice and weariness.

“That's when I see it. First the hilt of a knife gilded in intricate gold spirals is extended to my sister. Then the hand that grips it comes into view. It moves slowly. Patiently.:” — This paragraph shows the good reveal of information within the story; sentences gradually get shorter and change into fragments, quickening the pace as the story goes on.

In one of the scenes, the hand is described really well. Over-describing everything, like how “the fingers are long and spindly but humanly so” creates a creepy tone. Moreover, there’s a nice blend of both human-like and non-human details, which makes sense as it’s later revealed to be an Alf (once a human, but no longer so).

Description is used sparingly and focuses on the more important details. An example is the knife: it is portrayed as otherworldly and beautiful, and the protagonist associates it with power. Also, the part where he cuts his tongue out is immersive (though slightly disturbing): “Screaming feels strange. It sounds different as well- a gurgling, scratchy bellow that tears from my lungs and my throat as if it is scratching pieces of them with it.”

But one of the tiny details which I really like is this: “Then the strangest thing happens. Mother hugs me. Pulls me into her arms the same way I once saw the blacksmith's wife in the village embrace her young daughter who cried from a skinned knee.” The fact that the protagonist literally describes what a hug is shows how alien affection is to the three children, which makes the reader sympathize with them even more.

CHARACTERS & PLOT

From the start, the protagonist’s inner conflict is shown. He wishes to lie to his mother, but because of his curse, he’s unable to do so. I enjoy how this scene portrays the different family dynamics from the protagonist’s eyes—the mother, as the wicked leader of the household who takes a perverse joy in hurting her children; Michael, the oldest brother who is equally as hated because he internalized his mother’s ways; and Emily, the rebel who weaponizes malicious compliance, hence the protagonist holds her in high regard.

The protagonist being asked to hit Emily is a well-written moment as it shows how his desire wars against his fear. He doesn’t want to, yet he knows it’ll be worse if his brother gets to hit them both. So he hits her, secretly thankful he misses her face.

Their mother is the embodiment of false morality, where she tortures her children under pretenses of ‘fairness’ and ‘giving back’. She also uses victimization, attempting to turn her children against each other, which only seems to work on her eldest. She’s a well-written villain that readers would hate.

“I know mother meant what she said and that if Emily comes back without the wood nothing will convince my mother to open the door.” — I noticed an inconsistency here, as it wouldn’t be possible for Emily to return without the wood, as it’ll be disobeying her mother.


Regarding the protagonist, he wishes to protect his sister while still feeling guilty about his actions. It is a realistic depiction of abuse, as victims often feel responsible for the torment of another, even when forced or coerced into it. And he struggles with this remorse, wondering if he should have just endured punishment for the sake of his sister. Naturally, his next choice is between his desire and fear. He desires to atone for his involvement and help his sister, but he fears being subjected to the same fate.

The description and prose fades away to put the spotlight on the conversation between the protagonist and Emily. She’s very understanding of the situation, as she, too, is under the control of the mum. Protagonist uses words like “yeah, well”, “I thought” and “maybe” to show his uncertainty about helping her, but it quickly dissipates as they form their plan. Yet, it fails despite his good intentions and they head to the cave, which reveals Emily as the character in the prologue.

On the other path, the fear and desire clash with each other more strongly. He worries about her, as shown in the story, but also about himself: “Wait. My footprints. She'll see I'm here.” Later as she manages to complete the impossible task, he’s first shocked but continues hiding and is glad his footprints were erased. He’s soon tempted by the power of the knife—a nod to his brother’s obsession with power, perhaps?

His unfiltered narration is a nice touch to show his character and make him more relatable, e.g. “I start to walk past. Wait. I'm supposed to think she got a death sentence. I should say something supportive.” This adds a bit of humor too. Readers are privy to his every thought, and in some cases, it piques the readers’ curiosity alongside his: “An Alf? Like the dead spirits? And what kind of thing could Mother do with it's power? Or with its knife?”

Each piece of information reveals more questions. In a conversation with Emily, she adds more complicated questions to the mix, e.g. their mother not hitting them, her sending Emily to the forest instead of more efficient ways of murder, and so on. On top of this, the protagonist is still guilt-ridden if he chooses to betray his sister for his own safety.

(Spoilers)
The use of an unreliable narrator is exceptional. Readers are unsure who to trust when the mother brings the protagonist aside and tells him a story—Emily being a changeling fits with all the details, from the questions Emily had asked the protagonist to think about to the promise she mentioned making with Michael. Yet, could it be true? Could the victim be the villain, and the villain the victim, after all the torment she had put them through? As the protagonist says, “a seed of doubt is rooting somewhere in my mind”.

Oh, I see now. It’s manipulation and gaslighting at its finest. The mother’s expression freezes as she ‘recalculates’ and kills the protagonist if he does not play along. “Weakly, I try to clutch at it. I do not try for long.” — What a good way to imply death.

Or…maybe it wasn’t gaslighting, after all. The true ending is obtained through obedience. Oh, I was quite confused as to why I’ve never heard about this story when I used to read a number of Grimm tales, but it makes sense that they removed this from their later volumes

On another path, where the protagonist sacrifices his tongue for Emily, she tries to explain to him what happens. This comes across as more realistic than the mum’s, given the backtracking, hesitations, and how it isn’t as practiced. And Emily knows how to work with the curse, as she lies at times, or plans ahead knowing what will be asked of her. Her cunning and ruthlessness are praised by the protagonist, but she, too, has been hiding something from him all along. Then their father makes an appearance in another path too.

I spotted a continuity error when the protagonist kills their mum. He says a few last lines to her including, “Death be kind”. Full circle moments like these are amazing, as the protagonist finally takes control, giving her a taste of her own medicine, and I enjoyed this scene but it had a major problem: he cut off his tongue prior to this and is unable to speak, rendering this impossible.

One of the greatest strengths of this story is how each path presents a different answer to all the questions being asked, but although each one adds to the narrative, not all of them provide the right answer. And of course, I love all the rules lawyering in this story.

My favorite ending is, of course, the happiest one. The protagonist manages to kill his mother and his sister kills his brother (and now I realize how twisted it makes me sound as I’ve stated it was my favorite ending but anyways). Both of them manage to get free from their life of coercion and are able to pursue their dreams—Emily decides to learn about magic and the protagonist plans to travel the world.

It’s a great story overall, with relatable characters and a plot with several twists that kept me invested. I’m genuinely surprised this is the first long review.

Not bad, I quite enjoyed this story (though I have never come across the original) and thought it was well-written, I enjoyed the changing perspectives. A good read overall :)

Enjoyable.

I was not familiar with the original fairytale and found this story well written and a nice read.

It was a nice retelling of the story. I reached the ending of one branch in three pages through and didn’t really know how I felt about that… yes I did, disappointed. You did a nice job though.

I really enjoyed the mystical ambience and the fairytale logic of this story. We are immediately expected to accept the mother’s curses on her children with little explanation which is reflective of Grimms’ fairytales. The choices are weighty and add hopelessness to the tone. (However, I feel like risky choices should have a chance to pay off.)
The story makes good use of creating a foreboding and literal chilly setting. Although I think the writing style and dialogue may be too modern for a fairytale. I would have also preferred more explanation of the mythical creatures and laws of the world.

Excellent story. The family dynamic is clear from the outset and addition details only builds on that. A few dropped words or letters here or there, but totally understandable with the contest deadline. The tone is solid throughout, and the choice to never fully reveal the Alf is a strong choice.

6/8 I enjoyed how it retold the original fairy story from different perspectives and gave it a variety of endings, it was the kind of thing I was hoping to read. The use of "Alf" instead of "Elf" was a clever call back to the original use of langauge, and the being in question was kept suitably mysterious, in line with the original tale.

I liked it, and can see the resemblance to the original fairy tale.

The style of prose was both detailed and concise in a way I enjoyed, and the answers to all of the mysteries were satisfying no matter the path. A rather unusual choice to tell it in first person, but it did enhance the overall tone and personality of the main character.

I do want to mention I read this earlier in the day while procrastinating my contest entry, not in the five or so minutes it's been actually published.