The 28th Hunger Games (improved)

So many things wrong with this that it seems like it's just a mockery of the Hunger Games. Not only was getting killed by a sandwich dumb, you don't die of sleep deprivation after 1 day. "You didn't think that would happen after all of that physical activity" that's called dying from exhaustion. A person dies of sleep deprivation after about 11 days of no sleep, which is usually longer than the traditional Hunger Games.
Considering Hunger Games take place in a dystopian era after North America was flooded (I think? Haven't read the books in a while), nothing of the past survived, that means no Pokemon so that wouldn't be possible.
The Hunger Games would never take place outside of the Cornucupia, if they were outside, the tributes would be running for home. And the wealth of the Capitol is too great for the train to easily crash like that. The Capitol's advanced technology is so great, they more than likely created a train that can never derail and/or crash.
Also about the Cornucupia thing, where's Snow? One thing is that, in the actual Cornucupia, they have speakers so that Snow or the game maker (I honestly haven't read it in a while so I don't remember which) can say things through a mic so the tributes can listen and the game maker or Snow wouldn't have to be in there with them because he doesn't want to get hurt, no. They also want as much control over the terrain as possible so if they want to hurry things up or turn a tribute around, they can. That of which they can't do outside of the Cornucupia.
With the sandwich thing, did he force it down my throat and caused me to choke to death? Was he giving me a poisoned sandwich? How exactly did he kill me with a sandwich? Why was he carrying a sandwich to begin with? Tributes would use reliable weapons to take down the others, not a sandwich. If they had a sandwich, they wouldn't let it go for dear life. They have to find their own food and they're not going to exactly waste their food and let themselves starve. Unless it's poisonberries. A little more accuracy with the Hunger Games logic would make this story so much better, but right now, I just see this as a joke and not anything serious.

Most of the choices didn't make sense. The district six guy killed me with a sandwich? It would have improved the gameplay if you gave some more background to the choices. For example, with the train's humming, it would be helpful if more of a reaction sparked. Did the mentor look confused or knowledgeable? What were they driving by- could one tell that it was a hunger-gamesy environment? Did he see the other people? I assumed at first it would be the engine breaking, and if the train were still moving I would probably die. Just saying, the train is pretty fast in the books. Also, the capitol wouldn't start a game without the training stuff. I know that's boring to write and read, but come on.

Also, plotholes. This wasn't such a bad story, but a bad fan fiction. I'll list a few little errors-
- the train would have been MUCH fancier, either there would be more food and water and good stuff or it would be pretty obvious what was happening
- I searched the train and found the district six guy. And he already had set up traps that I didn't run into while walking in? (Also, please answer me- HOW. DID. HE. KILL. ME. WITH. A. SANDWICH.)
- There's a dome for the hunger games. I'm being a little nitpicky, but I could either run out of this mess or the train is magic.
And many more.
You might be on to something, I like the idea and how there were always choices when practical. However, it still needs improvement.

Random deaths... Has anyone ever told you that you should at least give some warning before killing someone? Seriously. Random deaths just put your game down to a level similar to games with grammar and spelling mistakes...

Not serious, just funny

More details
Your choices wern't logical
Longer
I want you tell me about the arrow sticking out of his neck as his eyes silently ask why... Why do i have to die
Just more

Come now, Xiro. Have some imagination. Clearly, the man was drunk and taking a shower in the rain near the border of his district, he dropped his bar of soap, slipped on it, and fell into the electric fence. Simple.

I read this before you improved and for some reason I actually think you made it worse. You had a lot of errors with punctuation, capitalization and grammar. I also thought plot wasn't that good either. Lastly, this was short, like too short for your own good.

"Father died in accident including electric fence and a bar of soap"

Am I the only one interested in what the hell happened? 1/8

:\ This storygame could be much, much better, so it's honestly really disappointing. As people have said, hardly any ending makes sense, with almost no deaths relating to your specific choices. It could use a lot more detail. I think you should have given this a lot more thought if this was the "improved" version.

So many random and illogical deaths...