Player Comments on The Backup

Well, the waking up from cryosleep or hibernation or whatever to an absolute dumpster fire is a tried and true science fiction classic for a reason. This is not being he last time it will be seen, I am confident. Anyway, for the deranged readers who look at reviews before they read to get an idea of what they're in for, this is a simple, straightforward story about trying to escape whatever terrible fate was played out with the rest of the crew before you woke up. Now make sure to read the description as there is background information not included in the main story. Stop reading here as the rest of the review includes SPOILERS.

I happen to know that the author of this story was sealed into hell by a vindictive god to rot until he produced a story at the last minute, and while it does show in some aspects of the story, I applaud the mechanics and grammar. I know for a fact that I made more typos than he did by a significant margin.

I think the main strengths of this story are the word choice and description. They certainly play into each other. Science fiction often suffers from the sad disease of being terribly written. This story is written using just enough "technical" words to seem like a space station while still defaulting toward more sensory words so that it can be read and enjoyed by more people than just turbogeeks. I especially applaud the use of the word klaxon and the description of the lighting. It worked by calling on my previous knowledge of space stations in media so that I was immediately immersed.

This story is clearly a horror story and I believe the protagonist was perfectly set up as a horror protagonist. There was no doubt that the security bot could kill the protagonist. Using a multitool as a weapon did feel like an option of desperation rather than badassery, even though in the story it was only used as a weapon. I think that is an important point. The protagonist's power level felt consistent with reality and internally consistent in the story.

I did have several issues with the story, and while I believe they could mostly be solved with "don't procrastinate next time," I will list the more egregious issues for the sake of writing a worthwhile review.

First, I think the idea of a true 'sole survivor' story is a ballsy move that should really only be tackled by the best of writers. The lack of dialogue or characterization so that there can be true emotional stakes is an obstacle that could easily kill reader retention.

Secondly, I get that waking up from sci fi sleep is pretty much always a recipe for some "in media res," better get the lack of knowledge about the situation didn't necessarily contribute to my enjoyment of the story personally. While long gibberish worldbuilding slop is terrible, complete lack of explanation can be equally frustrating and unsatisfying.

Last, and possibly most damning given the medium, it is rather linear. Unfortunately, the one ending also isn't incredibly satisfying. Now, I'm not saying there always has to be a good ending, but it helps bad endings be more satisfying if there is emotional depth. As it stands, it feels like losing a game or not finishing a puzzle.

Now, those were pretty heavy critiques, and the writing was nowhere near bad, and I very much enjoyed the story on a technical level. I bet if the author didn't wait until the last minute he is easily capable of featured stories, but "what ifs" are simply that gif now.

So far in this contest most of the shorter stories are the protagonist waking up somewhere and trying to figure out where they are. This story almost seems to start that way, but makes it very clear you are in a spacecraft of some sort. And for that I am thankful, because it gives the character a motive you actually can care about. Additionally, this story sets clear the mystery you're trying to solve, rather than making what the mystery is the mystery itself.

So, to sum up, you start in the aftermath of some sort of cataclysmic malfunction in space, and you are trying to figure out what happened, and how you can get the system back to full functionality (before presumably what little remains of life-support is gone and you die).

What would make it a little better I think is maybe a more clearer indication of which choices you should make and why. It's not quite as ambiguous as the two options "turn left" or "turn right" (sadly actually happened in I think two of these entries), but a bit more rationale for each would have been nice.

The fact that it's maybe some sort of alien virus (virtual or otherwise) that caused the malfunction is interesting, although I haven't gotten through enough branches to get a clearer picture to know for sure.

Bottom line: it's a well crafted piece of of a world, this spacecraft. It seems believable. And it it logical. I can't emphasize how important these things are for a story, even if it's short like this one: You have a clear problem to solve, a self-consistent world in which to solve it, and nice descriptions of what you find as you go.

Did I find a life-changing truth or ending that will haunt my dreams? No. But I did find a competent storygame, and a creative situation that it takes place in. And that's more than you get most of the time.

And to top it off, the author was planning on publishing something else. So, nice work.

Thanks, Anthraxus, for your brief foray into the classic SF world of space stations, alien menaces and blinding explosions.

---possible spoilers---

One of the endings I read mentioned, ever so briefly, that the station orbited a world of beings that was being studied. I would have liked to have known more about that at the beginning, unless I missed that. Some background and flavour would have made it all more meaningful.
The Backup protag didn't seem to have friendships with the rest of the crew. There weren't many asides about their characters or remembered actions. That would have added depth, too, maybe discovering the mangled body of a friend, or hoping that another friend was still alive somehow.
The basic choice we're given is whether to sacrifice my life for the greater good, or to struggle vainly for survival and perhaps a better solution. Of course, I may have missed that perfect ending somehow, but I don't see where. But the choice to blow the station is the crucial part, isn't it? That should have been a climax, highlighting the tension of it, and there could have been an alternative option - some way of escape offered.
Anyway, there are imaginative paragraphs here and there. Perhaps you'll next write something more detailed and colourful, where not everybody dies? I'm looking forward to it!

5/8- Interesting enough storyline. Was not a fan of how quick the explanation of the invasion/attack was. With how detailed other parts of the story were, I just expected more. Grammar was off in a lot of places, which made the story somewhat hard to follow at times. Overall, not too bad though

The world building is great. I didn't particularly like the lack of branching, but the lore available to us worked very well. For such a short game, it was very enjoyable. 6/8