Player Comments on The Reign of Terror
THE REIGN OF TERROR REVIEW
I was browsing for new stories to read and review and I came across this one. After reading “Sins of the Father”, I was pretty excited to read a new Will story, since his mystery stories tend to be incredibly gripping and do a great job of making the reader feel like they’re directly solving the mystery, alongside the main character.
For some reason, the name “Reign of Terror” brought to mind the reign of terror from the French Revolution, so I clicked on the story fully prepared to read about guillotines and Robespierre, only to be taken aback when I saw the words “Killers of the Flower Moon” on the page. I was pretty surprised, and excited, because I remember the name from a movie that came out a few years ago that I’ve always wanted to watch. It was on my list, but I never really made time to watch it, though every now and then I’d be like, “I should check out Killers of the Flower Moon.”
Last year, “Killers of the Flower Moon”, Marty Scorcese’s latest feature film, came out. I was really hyped to watch it, mainly because it’s a triumphant return of the King, Marty leaving his distinct mark on the 2020s with an incredibly poignant and touching film on the plight of the Osage tribe as they suffered a series of brutal murders that left the FBI and the local police befuddled for years. I had heard of this film from film-buff friends for years, and I knew the basic plot, but this was pretty much it.
So I was like, now’s as good a time as any to dive into 1920’s Oklahoma, and with a guide like Will11 to take me through this dark and gripping story, I was certain to have a good time. I knew that much. But I was not prepared for how good this storygame would be, so I would just like to say off the bat, I give this one an 8/8. I liked it a lot, and the end brought me to the brink of tears. I was not prepared for how dark and hopeless I would feel by the end of this, but I would just like to applaud Will11 for taking such a sensitive subject, and treating it with this level of care and nuance. He did a really good job of balancing the mystery/game aspect with the inherent hopelessness and devastation that the Osage tribe suffered. Will11 does not pull his punches back, and several sequences of this story are incredibly stark, but faithful to history, which is the important part. I’m glad there’s no attempted whitewashing or excusing of the crimes the perpetrators committed here, and I’m also glad that Will11 makes it pretty clear that this was an issue of racism and seeing the Native Americans as less than human and therefore deserving of exploitation, in the eyes of people like Hale at least. I can already imagine racism apologists and deniers attempting to say that this was simply for the love of money, and that they would have committed the same crimes against white people if white people got money from the government for oil on their land. I fundamentally disagree with this take, and Will makes it really clear in this story that racism and belief in an inherent superiority was deeply interwoven in the mindsets of the people in Oklahoma 1920s, as shown by the police’s lackadaisical attitude towards the murders, the various people making fun of A.W.Comstock by calling him an “Injun lover” and saying that he’s the only one to stick up for the “redskins”, and the way the criminals justify their actions saying that after all they only killed Indians, so their consciences were virtually clean because they didn’t see the Indians as people. And another thing is, they didn’t believe that the Osage deserved to be millionaires, and even today, there’s this attitude that the native americans don’t deserve the revenue that casinos on their land give them, or tax breaks, and that Native Americans are afforded some kind of special privilege by the government. I’m obviously not going to argue about current-day politics in my review, but suffice it to say, there’s a deep-seated, festering undercurrent of racism towards Native-Americans, that started from the days of the Trail of Tears and continues even to this day in certain sects of the population. So the attitude that people like Hale and Bruckhart probably had towards the Osage oil millionaires is almost like a predecessor to the current attitude held by racists towards Native Americans.
This storygame definitely brought a level of awareness, for me at least, to the crimes that history tries to smooth over and wash away, pretending as if it never happened, so it’s always important to remember the past so we never repeat it again in the present and the future. That’s why I’d also like to appreciate Martin Scorsese for making a movie out of this book, because it is an important subject that more people need to know about. In some ways, there was a Native American genocide that actually happened in the United States(the Cherokee Trail of Tears), but it’s not taught in a widespread manner in schools across the country. It should become a more prominent part of the history curriculums of high schools around the country, but luckily, authors like Will11 are writing stories that tell the unapologetic, unfiltered truth of the plight Native Americans suffered throughout American History. As more and more authors tell stories like this, soon awareness will spread and that’s the best way to ensure that everyone is aware of the tragedies of the past.
Ok, now let’s delve into specific aspects of the storygame, and how they all come together to make this a great story.
To begin with, I really enjoyed the characters in this story. Compared to the last Will story I read, where the Plot was king and characterization of the main-character took somewhat of a backseat, in this one the characters shine and make the story feel incredibly immersive. I particularly enjoyed the way Will wrote A.W. Comstock. The opening scene does a good job of setting up the love between Mary and A.W. Comstock, and the close bond they share, a recurring theme that haunts and shadows Comstock for the rest of the story as he works to figure out the murderers. I like how Will didn’t bother with an overly dramatic or schmaltzy expression of loss when A.W. finds out his wife died. Will immediately creates a somber mood, and although A.W. 's wife isn’t one of the murders, it still sets the grim tone for what is yet to come. There’s also a certain element that speaks to the nature of the fragility of life. One minute, everything is fine and A.W. and his wife are casually talking about going to the store, and the next, she drops dead. This shows up a lot because so many of A.W.’s collaborators and friends are fine one minute, only to drop dead the next.
The second page was a masterclass in dissociative writing(I mean this in a good way, not as an insult), showcasing the depths of grief A.W. has sunk to, and the way that grief messes with his mind. We see an almost scattered, non-linear perception of time, and I think that it was a really creative choice on Will’s part to connect us from A.W.’s wife death to him eventually taking on the case of the murders with this bridge of sorts, a fragmented collection of vague memories, separated by dashed lines. The dashed lines do a good job keeping the passage of time vague, and that page really brought me into the A.W. 's disordered mind, and does a wonderful job of making the reader feel the depth of his pain without explicitly saying so. Though we know that this period is only a few months, in A.W. 's subjective experience, it might as well have been years, because of how out of it he was. This is a good example of showing vs telling, and I would definitely ask new writers to check this page out for inspiration.
I was surprised at how moved I was, and we didn’t even get to the actual murders yet! But in a way, one could argue that suffering this tragedy, and being brought to this almost subhuman level of despair(punching through glass, going on multi-day drinking binges, sleeping for long hours, and buying the Bulldog revolver to kill himself) was the linchpin needed to motivate him to actually take these cases up. In a way, it was a stroke of narrative genius for Will to add these details, even if they do impugn the actual A.W. Comstock’s character somewhat, because there is almost a mirroring between the struggle A.W. endures and the struggle that the families of the murdered Osages endure. In that respect, A.W. 's loss allowed him to tap into a reserve of boundless empathy for the families of the victims that propelled him and gave him the courage needed to take this case on and see it through to the end. We see numerous times throughout the narrative that A.W. is close to giving up, yet something about his pain motivates him to come back in. Though he leaves the cases numerous times, he always comes back, stubborn as a dog gnawing on an already half-chewed bone.
I like how Will shows A.W. constantly talking to his wife and feeling like she’s always there with him. This shows that Will has a nuanced and deep understanding of loss. This reminds me of a quote about grief and loss I once heard, I thought that the way Will shows A.W. always feeling like Mary is with him every step of the way sums up this quote quite well: You don't really get over grief, rather you learn to grow around it. The grief is something that will always stay with you, but you have to learn to grow around it, finding a new sense of purpose, and channel that pain into something more. Otherwise, the grief slowly consumes you instead. I thought it was really deep and it fits the story quite well. The imagery of Mary’s smiling face gazing at A.W. juxtaposed with the shiny barrel pressed against his temple really hits hard. Will relies on a series of increasingly disturbing imagery and powerfully vivid descriptors that do an incredibly wonderful job of characterization. I really enjoyed that series of vignettes from a writing perspective, but from a reader’s perspective, I felt uncomfortable and almost distraught, which no doubt, was Will’s goal. He really goes into depth about how A.W. acts in everyday life, and it’s almost like if you saw him from a distance, you would think he was fine, but he was actually masking and attempting to hide the pain. But besides a few thank you’s and clipped discussions with waitstaff, he doesn’t talk because of the ever present pain that stays with him during this time. I know I’m lingering on this point, but one last thing. I love how Will shows all sides of grief, from the tumultuous, angry, violent side, to the apathetic side, to the fake happy high side as though he’s trying to convince himself he’s over it by acting unusually chipper, to being plunged to the depths of grief to the point where he genuinely feels like he has nothing left to live for, and only a brief hallucinatory glimpse of his wife’s face stops him.
Funnily enough, rereading that second page again for the purposes of reviewing, I see mentions of Kelsie Morrison and Henry Grammer, moonshine suppliers that have a prominent role in the story later on. What’s odd is that at the time of the story, the names never really meant anything to me, so I must have just glanced by before going on to the next sentence, completely unaware, but now that I’ve gone through the story already, I’m surprised that I didn’t see this before. It’s really amazing how much thought Will put into this, these brief references lead to some very interesting consequences in the future. We also see Dr.Shoun in this section, and later, we find out more disturbing things about him. But the fact that these names were there right from the beginning really shows the thought that Will put into worldbuilding, and the seed that he plants early on, that later gets referenced as A.W. says multiple times that he knew and trusted these people early on. That is a pretty significant message of the storygame, even people who have helped you out so many times in the past, and people who you have relied on for almost 20 years, can hide secrets. It really hits hard to see Dr.Shoun and Kelsie Morrison supporting A.W. in his time of grief, only to find out the kind of men they are later on(You might be wondering why I included Kelsie in the helping group, but as A.W. says later on, he was also a friend and confidant who helped A.W. through his grief. Plus, by supplying moonshine to him, even though he was harming his health and capability to function, he and Grammer were the only people keeping A.W. alive since moonshine made life temporarily worth living and put him in a dulled stupor that prevented him from feeling the sharp edge of grief that would have likely pushed him over the edge, so this betrayal hits him so much harder because he finds out that his lifeline was simultaneously the hanging noose for other innocent people. I think the worst part is that when Dr.Shoun told A.W. that he couldn’t help her because Mary got an intracerebral hemorrhage, and in those days it was fatal, he genuinely meant it. So he acts in the proper and faithful capacity as a doctor for A.W. and his wife because they’re white people, but when it comes to his Osage patients, he callously poisons their insulin without a hint of remorse. The duality and contrast in those 2 encounters is genuinely terrifying, and I know I keep saying this, but keep in mind that this is before we know what’s up with Dr.Shoun. So once we find out, and then come back and read this scene, it’s pretty messed up and genuinely gives me cognitive dissonance at the different shades of people and how they can present so many conflicting characteristics within themselves depending on the circumstances.
Thankfully, after the rain comes the rainbow, and after a terrifically intense hangover, A.W. feels unusually chipper and decides to check out the day’s paper over a delicious dinner.
I like how Will introduces a low-stakes “beginner” case that is relatively easy for A.W. to solve, but at the same time, gradually brings the readers into the world of the Osage murders. We get introduced to our first instance of a mysterious murder by a spouse/partner of one of the Osage oil millionaires, and we understand the greed and desire to exploit the Osage oil millionaires, all because of a faulty inheritance law that incentivizes white people to marry Native Americans, then murder them for their money. Due to the existence of the slayer rule, they have to remain unconnected from the murders, which goes on to explain the elaborate charade Hale sets up with the public autopsy examinations, his earnest yet deceptive declarations of his desire to help A.W. uncover the mystery, the strange poisons, the wiping of the phone book records, and loads of other devious tactics they employ throughout the narrative.
We also get introduced to the 3 question format that is a staple carried over from Will’s other detective works. I really like this format because too many questions would bore and overwhelm the reader, so they won’t actually click on all the links to find vital information if you include like 10 links, but also too few links would take away the reader’s choice. Of course, since this information is essential to the story, you’re going to click on all of them anyway, but it’s nice that we can go in any order we wish.
I like how Will shows us how A.W.’s fragile mental state and time spent binge drinking affects his judgement. We see instances where he’s unsure or confused because of the damage his brain likely suffered, and I’m glad that the traumatic period remains a part of A.W.’s characterization, because I’ve seen too many stories where heartbreaking scenes are included to tug at the audience’s heartstrings, only for the next scene to act like none of that stuff even happened and the character is completely over it.
This first mystery is solved pretty easily, and the identity of the murderer can be seen a mile away, but that’s sort of the point. This works as an introductory case that sets the ground rules going forward. It’s also the last time we get this much of an easy victory.
From this relatively simple case with few characters, we are immediately thrust into a complex web of numerous murders, often happening one after the other in rapid succession, barely giving us time to breathe. Unlike the first murder, these murders are incredibly complex, and there’s a hopeless feeling that marks so much of the narrative, because we don’t actually solve any of these till much much later in the story. And the case is merely introduced, but then fades away to the background, as the new cases quickly keep coming forward. But Will never forgets any of them, and despite the complexity of the story he is telling, he does an excellent job of presenting in an understandable way.
It took me some time to remember who everyone was, as you see a ton of characters come at you, but eventually it all sorts out. My advice to readers is, you may or may not know who everyone is going into this. Like, you might see Ernest or Bryan Bruckhart and be like, was he the brother or the nephew or the uncle, and it will be overwhelming, but stick with it, and it all fits together. I would have liked to see one of those character lists that Will includes in the Detective stories, I feel like it would have been helpful to refer to as I went along.
I like how all the cases coalesce into a general sort of panic. There’s a disturbing feeling of danger at every turn, and at any moment, you feel like you could be attacked. The moment when the first white man, the oil businessman who sticks up for the Indians, gets killed, it feels like a “there’s no turning back now” moment. It raises the stakes, because till now, being white gave someone a certain level of privilege and immunity from the dangers the Osage faced, but now, the gloves are off, and at any moment A.W. could be attacked. And he is, in a terrifying assault at multiple points in the narrative.
I also liked the scope of time that this story takes place over. Unlike the previous mystery stories by Will that I’ve read, these murders take place over a couple of years. When it takes the detective a day or so to solve the mystery, like in the Detective stories or in Sins of the Father, the stakes don’t feel as high. It feels a lot easier, but here, there’s a real sense of time and change as sheriffs get fired, people move, and real life happens amidst this horrifying backdrop of mysterious murders. I also like how Will shows A.W. take breaks and go on binges because of how hopeless and depressed he feels. At the same time, having to solve these murders keeps him going.
The gradual murder/disappearance of all of A.W.’s friends and associates like W.V.Vaugh and Bill Smith was legitimately heartbreaking. Especially the scene where Bill Smith’s half charred body is recovered from the bombed house, and then you have only 3 questions to ask him before he dies, succumbing to his injuries. I feel like by gradually killing off anyone on our side, Will heightens the hopelessness of the protagonist, and deepens his paranoia since his friends either die off, or are revealed to be dastardly turncoats and traitors, who worked side by side with him as he sought to uncover the mystery, yet withheld the truth of the matter from him.
Ultimately, I really enjoyed the reveal of the identities of the murders. I thought that the interrogation scenes, and the way we would slowly get information revealed drip-by-drip was quite fascinating. The eventual reveal of Hale and co., alongside the Shoun brothers and Kelsie Morrison, Asa Kirby and several other prominent members revealed just how vast and interconnected this conspiracy network was. And it shows that there’s no limit to the depths of evil honorable men like doctors and prominent business leaders would go to just for the sake of greed and misplaced arrogance. I think that rather than having one villain, the reveal of so many people at the core of this thing is symbolic in a way, representing systemic racism at large and how hatred and persecution is such a core part of humanity’s DNA, that people across all social strata casually view Indians as below them.
Which brings me to my next point. There are a ton of slurs and insults in this story that heighten the realism and work quite well. I like the naturalistic prose and dialogue that Will adopts for the story. Some characters even say the n-word, and they say it quite casually, which would make sense, since in 1920s Oklahoma, people weren’t the most enlightened. COGites might get offended, but I appreciate the commitment to realism Will had in his story, and I’m glad that he didn’t hesitate to paint some of the ugly realities of the time. The use of slurs and regional colloquialisms also ground the story and makes me really believe that “The Reign of Terror” is set in 1920s Oklahoma. The casual racism, the use of colloquialisms like “I’m your huckleberry”, really heighten the realism and verisimilitude of this tale. I also love how much research Will did to make this story seem believable. Characters casually refer past presidents like Warren Harding, there’s references to the war of the states without calling it “The Civil War” like we do in modern days, and so many other aspects that really make this story come alive. I also love how Will steers clear of flat characterization. All of the characters feel quite 3-dimensional, and they come to life. Will knows how to write dynamic and engaging characters so well, and it’s a treat to watch the various character interactions. He really made me believe that this is a town filled with people who have known each other for years, and he nails the small town characteristics of being suspicious of outsiders and being insular, quite well!
I liked the integration of J.Edgar Hoover and White. I feel like once the FBI investigators got to town, the events of the story finally felt like they were being taken seriously and given the proper amount of consideration. Though, I must admit, it was frustrating that it took them this long to give a damn. Possibly because white people, and rich white people at that, started getting murdered.
At the end, despite White and A.W. working so hard, and many others like Vaughn and Smith even dying for the cause, it’s a hollow pyrrhic victory. The jury is racist and quite literary says, “We believe that killing an Indians is like cruelty to animals and we’re not going to send a good white man like William Hale to the chair over it.” That line made me viscerally gag. But it’s mark of a good storyteller to leave such an impact on a reader this late in the game, so I appreciate how Will keeps the pacing strong, and interest high in the story.
I liked the scene at the ending where Mrs.Jefferson and Mollie Burkhart take you through the cemetery, and you see the vast amounts of graves of Indians who were killed by white people. It shows the overall scale at which this was happening. Till now, we were led to believe that the incidents we were investigated were a dozen or so, but the vastness and quantity of murders was only revealed in that scene. The scene is a perfect demonstration of the magnitude of humanity’s capacity for wickedness, and in moments like these, it’s common to feel like doing any good is useless, merely adding a drop of water in an attempt to extinguish a conflagration threatening to consume an entire city. What good will that do, right? Mrs.Burkhart echoes this feeling with this line: ““There are honest men like you among the whites, but they are mighty scarce,” Mrs Burkhart says shivering. “If Hale had told all he knew most of the county’s richest white men would be in prison now. You have to talk to your friend Tom White, before the Bureau men leave town. You have to help him catch some more of these killers.” I like how this line introduces a new layer to the story, and shifts A.W.’s mindset some more. Till now, he was so focused on his mission, that once it’s done, he feels empty and almost adrift because he solved the mysteries. But to his horror, despite his and White’s best efforts, so many unsolved cases remained.
So that’s why when we got to the Final Justice link and saw the various names, I was elated. I thought that we would genuinely have a chance to bring justice to these victims, since in so many of Will’s stories, there’s a final page with a ton of names and you have to choose which one of those you could solve. In Will’s other stories, you have to have careful notes and detailed diagrams connecting victims to murderers, so I assumed that would be the case here. I figured that since this is a Will mystery, he was giving us a chance to get in on the fun and solve the mystery with everything we knew. So I went for the most obvious one, the Charles Whitehorn one. But when I tried to select Smitherman, Savage, and his wife, I was shocked. The game said, “Sorry we don’t have the evidence to prosecute”. I thought, maybe I went wrong somewhere, so I checked my notes, and tried another combination. Same result. Then, frustrated, I went back and tried every single combination. I clicked on the links super fast, and went back to check. Nothing.
Then I realized. This was a brilliant narrative move, a subversion that played on our expectations and added to the overall hopelessness and grand scale of evil that Will has been setting up this whole time. The sad truth of the matter is that, no matter how clever we were, or how much deduction/detective work we did, there was simply nothing we could do. And from a story-telling standpoint, that reinforces the themes of the story quite well. I think it was a really smart move on Will’s part, and shows just how much thought and creativity he puts in his stories. Far from being formulaic, mere whodunits, Will infuses life within his story and thinks so much about the structural decisions. It’s crazy how this simple game mechanic could crush me so much, but it just works so well. By having a long list of names, and having us fail so many times at bringing the killers to justice, Will truly brings us into the mindset of the investigators. Of course, their suffering is times 100 of ours, since they spent years on this, but we got to see a microcosm of the level of despair they must feel. They know everything, they connected all the dots, yet there’s simply nothing they could do. In a startlingly realistic and pessimistic ending, the Shoun brothers get off scot free, and it’s even hinted that Hale must have involved so many others, and should he name all of them, the town’s entire elite could be implicated in this conspiracy.
Final Thoughts: This was a deeply emotionally moving and dark historical story that functions both as a retelling of an enormous tragedy, and an engaging mystery story. This is one of the best stories Will has written, if not his ultimate best, and it more than deserves its featured category. It works on so many levels. Also, the themes of this story are incredibly thought provoking, and after reading this, I know for sure that I will watch the “Killers of the Flower Moon” movie directed by Martin Scorsese. Thank you for this wonderful story Will, and shedding some light on a historical tragedy that so many brush past or ignore. This is a really important story that must be spread about and talked about so that something like this never happens again.
Rating: 8/8
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RKrallonor
on 7/19/2025 11:21:09 PM with a score of 0
Disclaimer: to the author, take everything in this review with a grain of salt. I’m not a professional writer nor a seasoned reviewer (yet). To the readers, this review will contain some spoilers, so I implore you to read the storygame first.
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
The well-written description provides some context into the story, introducing the protagonist, setting, and central conflict. I would normally be doubtful if any other author were to describe their own story as ‘remarkable’, but as this is Will, I’m sure it will be nothing short of that.
This story begins with a conversation between the protagonist and his wife. The simplistic prose and minimalistic description paints the scene effectively, ensuring the reader focuses on the love and concern between the couple. Unlike some other stories, where the reader’s attention is directed to (or rather, distracted by) vivid descriptions bordering on purple prose, the easy-to-read choice of language here means the relationship between the two characters takes center stage. Then the next lines destroy this harmonious relationship the previous ones have built—short sentences, repetition and greater use of description to hint at the inevitable conclusion to come. It’s a great starting hook.
Aside from a missing full stop and commas, which could easily be fixed by a quick proofread, there weren’t any other errors I caught on the first page.
I really liked the short scenes separated by line breaks. It is a nice touch and refreshing departure from the normal paragraph format. The execution was great, too, as it allowed the reader to cover a few moments over a long span of time without dwelling too long on any specific scene and risking slowing the pace. Great way of conveying character too—this creates the effect of memories blurred over the months, with only certain instances at the forefront of the mind.
The protagonist’s characterisation is realistic, as the closeness to his wife has been shown before he descends into grief. He also turns to alcohol as a coping mechanism and goes a bit insane. Repetition was used quite effectively to convey denial about the death and the monotony of the protagonist’s life afterwards. All of this sets up the call to action nicely: taking on the first investigation to change his life. Now, readers have a reason to root for his success.
WRITING STYLE
This story employs a good mix of prose and dialogue. Each of these are used to move the story forward, by providing information, and blend together seamlessly. I like that the protagonist often talks to his wife despite her being dead as it allows him to convey his thoughts and plans aloud. When questioning the other characters, this adds a layer of complication where even the ‘facts’ can’t be trusted as they’re delivered from potentially suspicious characters.
Proofreading was pretty solid. I only caught one spelling error (plumets), along with a few missing commas and full stops. However, there were some comma splices:
“You show Seacombe the letter, she studies it quickly and nods.”
“While you are waiting you and Burkhart don’t talk to each other, a man of few words he’s busy staring frowning at Brown’s front door.”
The descriptions of the autopsy were quite gruesome, without shying away from the gory details, e.g. sawing off the top of the skull and decomposing, jewel-like brain. This was similar in tone to the earlier corpse that was found in pieces. All of these adds to the solemnity of the story and portrays the violent, brutal nature of the crime. At the same time, it also hints at the dehumanization of the Injuns through the methods of both the murders and the investigations.
I like the creative similes and metaphors in the story, my favorites being “a massive nurse with a face like a bulldog chewing a lemon” and “you feel like one of a thousand swimmers in seawater with an unknown number of sharks circling beneath you, every now and then suddenly pulling this swimmer or that one down to a violent and bloody death”.
(Spoilers in this paragraph). The scene after the jubilant victory taints the triumph of victory and makes it a bittersweet. It references a high number of deaths, most of them being young victims. However, due to having a list of ages and numbers, it comes off as more factual than emotionally evocative, probably because it triggers the logical side of the brain instead. Perhaps if there were more emotional cues—e.g. crying families, heartbreaking obituaries, or details like dead flowers trampled on the ground as a metaphor—it might add more depth to the scene and have a greater impact on the reader.
CHARACTERS
Each character has quite a distinct voice through their dialogue, especially with the use of colloquialisms. They seem to have a rather informal, dialectic way of speaking. (E.g. “don't much care”, “tom fool” and “no more”). This adds to the unique setting.
Speaking of the setting, racism is first presented through the Native American woman. Most of the characters are aware of this social and systemic discrimination, which is a theme that echoes throughout the narrative. Even the sheriff makes almost stereotypical assumptions about the native race. The boat lender was surprised to see an Injun with a white.
I enjoyed the nod to the protagonist’s parallel with the lost mum. The thing that sets the protagonist apart from any other detective is his backstory; this is the reason he can relate to the victim and desires to solve the mystery. Rather than a disconnected detective, the first few scenes not only establish character but gives the protagonist an almost personal stake in the outcome. This goes a long way in helping readers care and form an emotional attachment to the victims. I also like that the author constantly references his wife as if she’s still alive, as this shows the impact of losing a loved one. Her presence lives on through the story even after her death. She is his moral compass; his motivation.
Also, it's just hilarious to imagine him going around with a gun, asking people to shoot him. Even though it’s for a demonstration and he emptied the gun in advance, it's pretty funny, especially given that he's rolling around playing dead after that.
PLOT
Investigative questioning seems to be a trademark in Will’s stories. Having this is a good way to find out information at the reader's pace. Whilst it may be somewhat of an infodump, it's made relevant due to the protagonist's desire to solve the mystery of the missing woman, and it is rather interesting to read about as the dialogue is rife with personality.
Next, the reader explores different locations to find out information. It's good that there's a consistent story—from Mr Middleton's shady responses and lack of care for his wife being alluded to earlier by Mrs Jefferson, to the cheques he used to draw money being corroborated. It paints such a neat and tidy story, unlike some mysteries with conflicting pieces of information and differing viewpoints, so I wonder if it's either just a starting part of the story to get information or if a greater, shocking plot twist would arrive later in the story.
A bit of a nitpick about mechanics: It allows readers to choose different locations and later revisit previous ones, but perhaps adding a variable to make a link that was previously clicked disappear would improve continuity. After all, it's slightly jarring to get kicked out of a man's house, pop by the bank for a bit, then return to his house and speak as if the first instance never occurred. It also creates the impression that the choices don't really matter as much and are just there as info links.
Soon, the case is solved. It is bittersweet because although some form of justice has been dealt, the murderer was only imprisoned for six years. This doesn't seem like a fair or just outcome, as reflected in Mrs Jefferson’s words, though the protagonist is strangely silent in his thoughts on this matter.
A brief critique might be that the reader—as the protagonist—never really made any choices that led to solving the mystery, though I suppose it makes sense as this was a ‘historical’ story rather than a ‘mystery’ one.
The long investigations with many different options, all leading to the same inconclusive outcome, relays the futility that investigators must have felt dealing with this case. Despite all the possibilities that could be explored, the killers seem to cover their tracks every time.
Some parts were slightly overwhelming with all the names and deaths, but I suppose that might have been the intended effect. Still, it might be better to leave some of the more minor characters unnamed, as readers won't be able to remember all of them. It gets even more complicated with the addition of last names, and some characters having the same first names. Edit: I read the afterword and realized the names may have been a remembrance of the actual people who died in the Reign of Terror. This could be an exception to the naming ‘rule’.
Soon, the stakes are raised. While only the Osages were being killed at the start, before long, every investigator ends up dead too. The protagonist faces near death experiences which makes the story more suspenseful.
The clues and new leads trickling in over long spans of time makes this historical depiction more realistic. But finally, a killer is revealed. The foreshadowing made sense. Still, there was a typo which ruined immersion a bit. “Staring at the man who killed you [your] friend, his wife and a teenage girl you can’t quite bring yourself to express gratitude but after so long, after so many difficulties, you finally have the proof that you need.”
At the end of the story, there were a number of betrayals where seemingly trustworthy individuals contributed to the Reign of Terror. This, paired with the bittersweet ending of finding justice for a few victims while realizing most would go without any form of remedy or retribution, adds to the grim reality of the situation. But I liked that the protagonist overcame his drinking addiction. It is quite moving how he has a final conversation with his wife, before realizing he has to move on. This brings the story full circle. Ultimately, it is a story about humanity—or in some cases, the lack thereof.
Overall, this was a great storygame about the Reign of Terror! I enjoyed the investigative storylines taking place within a historical context.
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Mystic_Warrior
on 7/12/2024 4:14:28 AM with a score of 0
I haven't reviewed in a while, so bear with me while I try to haphazardly pile my thoughts on the page.
This story is the first time that I (and many others, I'm sure) have even heard of this string of murders and schemes for money, up to hundreds of Indians killed within the timespan of a few years. It's chilling to see each lifelike character near us die mysteriously, as if being dragged down to a dark undercurrent by an unknown force. Call me soft, but I was scared silly. But that only meant that the discovery of the truth and persecution of the criminals were all the more gratifying, and I'm all for it.
The writing itself was quite fantastic, matching the plot's dark undertones and flowing quite nicely from scene to scene. The dialogue was crafted appropriately, faithful to (what I believe) the 1920's South. Nothing felt clunky or in the way of immersion. The attention to detail is astounding, and really helped in the enjoyment while I read.
I could see some complaining about the lack of choices in this game, but it's only natural that there's not much warping and branching in a story based in history. I had plenty of enjoyment reading through each of the 3 choice "interrogations", and I would definitely take a thoughtful story like this over many other choice "stories".
Wonderful reading, what more can I say?
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PerforatedPenguin
on 10/19/2022 5:17:49 PM with a score of 0
I really enjoyed this story. I'm not sure everybody is going to love it but I had a blast reading... most of it. I will mention some of the stuff I found lackluster later on. A big part of it is actually the technical details of how this game... or rather, story, was implemented. But I will begin with the good stuff.
The intro is absolutely phenomenal and incredibly personal. Right at the beginning, I am introduced to the character and can empathize with him. And given I'm an edgy fascist, that's an achievement since this is not the type of intro I would usually like.
I like the effort put into the different ways the people speak. I find it incredibly tough to do, personally, and people have mentioned the anachronistic dialogue issue in my games. Big props for that. And also for using the gamer word in a context-appropriate way. Of course in the 1920's people wouldn't hesitate to call somebody a nigger. Though nobody was ever going to make an issue of that on this website.
This story was proofread pretty well. I found a very small amount of typos. For example, for the very first victim, one of the pages says "they bought the boat back" rather than brought it. So this story gets extra points for attention to that.
Humor is present throughout the story. Dark humor, which also happens to be my favorite kind, and I will list some of my favorite examples:
- He confesses to killing Lewis for her money and is sentenced to death. The sentence is commuted to life imprisonment. The sentence is then commuted again to six years imprisonment. (I don't think this one was supposed to be funny, rather sad, and showing the unfair treatment of Indians at the time, but I laughed so hard).
- Well, your long-term plan is to die of liver disease before insolvency becomes a problem. (lol)
- Not the sharpest knife in the spoon drawer. (this is fucking phenomenal lol, I was looking for a new way to call somebody stupid).
I will refrain from naming names, so as not to spoil any potential readers, but that guy was suspicious as hell the moment he visited me, and I'm glad I was right about him. The note I wrote down for this review after his second paragraph was "[Insert name here] sus af fr fr."
I was as surprised as Comstock, the main character, was when Tom reminded me I hadn't been drinking nor talking to Mary for the past couple of months. I got too into the murders and forgot about it, as has the main character apparently. And it was this specific line that actually meant a great deal to me. Not to be a whiny little bitch, but for the past few months I have been really depressed and, honestly, unwilling to go on. However, real life has been hitting me hard recently, and I've had to double my efforts. I will be working two jobs to support the family in the future, and I truly hope, nay, believe that just as our main character here slowly got over his issues due to external pressure, so will I.
And finally, I like the little Author's notes thingy at the end. I actually looked up a couple of Wikipedia articles about these murders myself and did find a few minor differences, but you did admit to that. I wasn't able to find too much stuff on our MC himself, however. I'd like to have read more about him. You did say he wasn't actually a raging alcoholic.
Now that the good stuff is out of the way, let's go over some negatives. Most of this is technical stuff.
To begin with, I would recommend using <hr> tags instead of just typing out ---------------------------. While the lines look good on my PC, I was curious and opened the story up on my phone... and the lines spilled over, and looked quite ugly. If you use the <hr> tag instead, it just works beautifully, as can be seen in Epilogue 1 of this amazing story called "What a Terrible World". Shameless self-plug, hehe.
Having used the extension to open up the dev panel, I saw that this story contains absolutely no variables. Having checked out various combinations of links, I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter whether you ask for one or three clues during the investigations, and it will end up the exact same.
The links loop in a weird way that breaks immersion sometimes. I was kicked out of Middleton's house, but then after I went to another location, I was again able to access the house and repeat the conversation as if it hadn't happened. This would not be a hard thing to fix, and requires no scripting or variables — Just add a restriction on the link so it can only be clicked once.
Similarly, the dates on top are very nice and allow the player to keep track of the passage of time, but they can, once more due to the scripting, be off sometimes. For a specific example, each of the 3 choices on the 1 June 1921 page says that "a few days has passed" which is consistent with the time if you followed it from the previous page. However, if you go from one option to the next, it says so again and again, without the date changing. I suppose you're just meant to accept you visited them all in one day, or you were only meant to go after one clue?
I found the story to drag a bit somewhere in the middle. Murders just keep happening one after the other, again and again. I realize that was kind of the point of the story, to show off this horrific string of murders, but it still felt a bit too much. A couple of attempts on your life, especially the dynamite one, helped to fix the pacing.
As for why I keep referring to this as a "story" rather than a game? Well, despite the fact you can choose which clues to gather, they don't really matter. I believe the story plays out exactly the same every time, and there are no death endings along the way. So it is incredibly linear, which I can't say I like. I believe there were 2-3 "flavor" choices where you can choose one or the other, and that helped out, otherwise this would straight up have been just one linear story, except you can read the short version if you skip gathering clues. I may be wrong, but that is my impression from a full playthrough, and going back to click some other options.
The "trial" is well done, especially the fact the player isn't punished if he gets something wrong. Otherwise, this story would have to be played with a pen and paper next to you (or uh... a notepad file open). There are way too many potential murderers and even more victims. I'll admit I straight up wasn't able to remember who like 1/3rd of the characters were. Anyway, the player gets to remember everything they know... and then realize how useless it is. America wasn't kind to Indians in the 1920s apparently (this is not me being sarcastic, I'm straight up not sure, given I'm not American).
All in all, if the story fixed some of the technical issues I brought up, and added a couple more choices along the way, this would have been an easy 7/8 for the way it affected me and made me... feel stuff. Which is not often a thing that happens to me (Cricket will confirm my flat affect).
As it is, for now, I have rated it a 6/8. I do recommend the story if you're a historical fan.
Nice job :)
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Celicni
on 10/18/2022 9:05:10 AM with a score of 0
Great story, good historical depth and context. Frustrating End, but that's history for you.
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— Anthraxus on 3/21/2023 5:43:20 PM with a score of 0
This was really good!
This story was intense and is very well written. The atmosphere is consistent throughout, and the main character is nicely flawed, which makes him more relatable.
The only thing that I found that could be considered a negative is that there was not really any true branching. You could choose the order to get information, or not, but the narrative seemed to go in the same direction. However, the writing is compelling and well presented, and the historical information is interesting, which in my opinion outweighs this small criticism.
Overall, great read and highly recommended.
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DBNB
on 11/4/2022 5:00:51 PM with a score of 0
I'm rendered speechless, it reads like a true memoir in a good way. I think it's one of your best works yet and strikes a perfect balance between keeping a good narrative and sticking to a historical accuracy. I always do think that the gritty detective drinking alcohol sets up quite a good tone such as film directors do with smoking.
And it also makes use of the fact that it's interactive fiction. The thing that made me really tug at my heartstrings was the trial scene where the detective was asked whether there was anything, anything else he could do to bring the murder victims justice. I clicked through every possible choice and found myself with the answer: "they all got away, we cannot do anything anymore, it's all we can do." This anger and frustration I felt, it must be hundred times that for the people that had worked in real life on the case and of course the victims' families.
During the interviews, there were these short dialogues Clipped one after the other. The tension I felt reading these sequences were truly nailbiting. The lack of any descriptions during these scènes made you focus even more on how awkward they must have been in real life.
In short, come on people and don't procrastinate on it like I did, it's a good read and needs more loving praise.
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Darius_Conwright
on 11/4/2022 4:46:06 PM with a score of 0
A bit of a somber kind of tale this time around, but written well by Will when all is said and done.
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TharaApples
on 11/2/2022 6:34:48 PM with a score of 0
Ah, Will, I loved it! The historical content was great and the dialogue really kept me interested and involved. I loved reading all the details and slowly gathering more information. I liked all the historical details -- it was a beautiful read!
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Ogre11
on 11/2/2022 6:32:41 PM with a score of 0
I admit I have literally never heard of these events before reading this storygame. Considering the sheer scope of it--we're talking hundreds of victims--and the utter callousness and evil not only of the killers but of the system that aided and protected them, I'm pretty surprised it's gone completely under my radar all this time. Reading about the real life backstory is something else.
The visit to the cemetary was the strongest moment here as far as impact, until then the sheer scope of the murders and how many lives they affected hadn't quite sunk in. (Although there was a bit too much clicking to no purpose in the section that followed, that was the only point the momentum of the story stalled out for me--even though the ability was there to move on, I'm a completionist.)
Otherwise the story itself is well done and a breeze to read through, though it has to be said there really isn't anything in the way of branching aside from choosing what order to collect information in. Given the dangers of the situation I'm surprised a few ways weren't included for our protagonist to take some wrong turns.
Sort of a weakness of some of Will's other historical mysteries have been the genericness of the POV character, who is often just the vehicle to move the player from fact to fact. Happily that's not the case here, our detective suffers from crippling alcoholism and is given to rambling about his dead wife and breaking down into tears at awkward moments, while the period accurate dialogue adds a lot of flavor. So I would say that any creative liberties taken with the real investigator have made for a better story overall.
(I do think the description could be spruced up a little, "rich men and women" paints a much different picture than a conspiracy to murder Osage Indians for their wealth. And of course the title already is going to make most people think of the French.)
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Mizal
on 10/16/2022 3:24:06 PM with a score of 0
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