The Superpower Chamber

Yu-Gi-Oh does not approve.

It took me like 5 minutes to get every single path. You didn’t even go through the trouble of using the advanced editor, did you? WARNING SPOILERS: You start off with a useless name picker that all lead to the same place, then you get a choice between 3 options, but 2 of them lead to the same place due to “Laziness,” so it’s really only two. After that you get the choice between 2 options, then a choice between 3. There’s also an extra option in one of the paths. 2X2X3+1=13 total possible endings, which isn’t all that bad if the most words on one page was less than 100. This kind of story game, which is more like a survey, requires humor and effort to be the least bit entertaining. Also, why does your story game force you to be gay?

Interesting idea

Ok, so first impressions. Save the message to the readers for the description or create an introductory page. Your first page is titled “The First Page” which is extremely boring and worse yet, it’s a message telling us that the game isn’t finished yet! Why would you publish it then? I’m hesitant to write an in-depth comment because I have a feeling this game will get taken down. Even if the storygame is good enough to not drop below a rating of 2, telling us it’s unfinished seems like a sure way to get it removed. I’m honestly going to rate it lower because of that fact. Currently writing this, I am still on the first page. You have two sentences on the first page. I hope you see the impact of how horribly you’ve started this storygame. There are also grammar mistakes in those two sentences. Next time perhaps try reading what you’ve written before publishing?

Alright, so I answered three questions and the game was over. I would be surprised if you wrote 1,000 words total for this game. I might even be surprised if the entire game is longer than this comment. I realize this game wasn’t meant to be serious in any sense, but it does feel incomplete (and not just because you said it was). The whole thing gave the impression that you were bored in the computer lab and thought it would be funny to publish a short, simple storygame. Nothing wrong with making a shorter game. It just felt like you were rushed to publish. Even after the short questionnaire, all I received was a small three sentence “epilogue” telling me what I did for the rest of my life. I suggest you add on additional scenes after getting your superpower. Speaking of which, the idea that you take a test and receive superpowers is ridiculous. Who has the ability to give superpowers like it’s candy during Halloween? Is it like X-Men where they genetically mutate you? I noticed you added a gender dynamic to the game as well. From what I can tell, it seems like a false choice: you get to “choose”, but it doesn’t have any impact on the game whatsoever. I could be wrong though. I only played once and didn’t really have a desire to play again. I give the storygame a 2/8. Some of your attempted jokes were funny, but I get the feeling I worked harder on this comment than you did on the whole game. If I rate it a 2, then maybe the storygame (and most importantly, my comment) will stay up. I do hope you continue to work on this piece and learn to review and revise your work before publishing. I see potential in this storygame, but I would rather see a complete finished product.

For a first storygame, I have to say, it ended up pretty decent. I liked how the questions branched out to the superpower, the result of the answers you put. I am also glad that choosing your name does not affect the test itself.
However, there are some ways you can improve for your next storygame. I felt like the dialog and overall grammar was subpar, and there was some out of place pop culture references. All in all, though, I believe this was a very good first storygame. Best of luck on your future works.