Player Comments on The Terror of the Sea

Terror of the Sea is a well written historical story that in my opinion, is a great example of an edutainment story, because the game achieves both goals of entertaining its audience and educating us about the historical events.

I would say the only thing that really rubbed me the wrong way with this story was the lack of choices. I know you were going for a gauntlet structure, but at times, there was an absence of choices with just a "continue" link, and sometimes the choices didn't offer much nuance. I feel like having choices that were not as obviously good/bad would increase player control. But to be fair, this is more story/game, this is just something I wanted to note.

I enjoyed the language/prose style of this story. Will manages to present history in an accurate and faithful way, showcasing his veritable treasure trove of knowledge off, while at the same time, not sounding like a pretentious douche while doing so.

I would say that is a huge strength in all of Will's stories. He really does make history come alive, because the characters in his stories talk like people you could know in real life would. I do think there is a sense of tradeoff when it comes to historical accuracy versus entertainment value, as at times, the characters use terms like "dipshit" and a few other colloquialisms that I doubt were present during the time. But I think this is more of a nitpick, because on the whole, this story is an example of dialogue/character interactions done right. They don't feel shining paragons of virtue or cardboard-thin stereotypes of sailors in the Navy, rather than people you actually know in real life.

The choice of naming each of the sailors after the seven dwarves was an interesting one! I think it worked since the nicknames were fun and endearing, which sets up the later tragedy quite well, because there's a huge contrast between the jovial tone of the beginning and the subsequent tragedy.

I really like that you don't hold back on some of the more disturbing aspects of the tale. I really loved the parts with the sharks, they were genuinely terrifying. Some of the details like people's skin slipping off when they were pulled onto the boat made my skin crawl. It also shows how much research you did, since if I'm being honest, I didn't even think about that aspect of spending so much time in saltwater and what it might do to your skin until I saw that.

I think the best part of this story was your command over the narrative and your ability to write characters that we can't help but root for. I really felt the emotions of this story, and I got to admit, the ending where McVay ends up being blamed for the whole thing was so messed up.

Overall, this was a really strong start to the Edutainment contest, and a really good entry by Will, who is currently(and probably for many more years to come) the undisputed King of Edutainment. I feel like this is a really respectable story. I debated giving this one a 6 because although the core of the story was strong, I would have liked to have seen more choices, but ultimately, it does it's job well, and tells the story of the tragedy of the USS Indianapolis in an interesting and historically accurate way, so my final score is a 7/8.

The Terror of The Sea is a gritty historical piece that tells of the bravery of a sailor against impossible odds. The research Will has done into the historical aspects of the story give it a weight of realism that really enhances the tragic things that the protagonist of the story has to face. This was an amazing read. Highly recommend.

<<SPOILER WARNING>>

WRITING:

As I had mentioned earlier, the realism of the story is a big part of why it works so well. The characters are just ordinary people facing an extraordinary situation and the story never lets you forget it. I love that the story started with the protagonist sharing an intimate moment with his lover. It clearly establishes the stakes and has the reader invested bringing Doc back home safely to Grace.

The time at sea was also captured in harrowing beauty. The idea that you wake every morning to sharks tearing your comrades to shreds and the fact that you could become numb to it is something that is truly chilling. Between that and the vivid descriptions of how dehydration and starvation ravaged the sailors, the prose did a good job of expressing what a horrible experience the survivors of the Indy had to withstand.

The epilogue afterward also felt extremely realistic, detailing how memories of that experience affected the protagonist. Without the anchor that was his wife and child, who knows how things would've turned out. The writing really makes the reader ask this question before answering it with the fates of the other survivors some of whom killed themselves, unable to escape from their past.

There were some rare instances of SPAG (Nothing good lastS forever), but it was rare enough that it didn't affect my experience.

CHARACTERS:

Doc as a character functions quite well as a blank slate which in turn allows readers to take multiple different courses of action without breaking immersion too badly. He is fleshed out just enough to feel real which in my opinion is the best way to make a protagonist for a storygame. His PTSD after the war is also written very well.

I kind of wish the rest of the "Dwarves" had more time to shine but nonetheless they all remain consistent to their characters even in times of crises. Each bring their own unique brand of thinking to each crisis they face, which in turn sets up the choices that are offered to the protagonist.

Of note are the two real characters: McVay and Hashimoto. The story had me angry with Hashimoto just like the protagonist but seeing him defend McVay in his own way made me realize that he had a sense of honour and self respect. He wasn't just a "bad guy" but a soldier doing his best for his country, even if his best was subjecting the protagonist and his friends to the horrors of the sea. It gave him an extra dimension that was surprising and refreshing for me.

As for McVay, I will just say that the scene where the survivors saluted him at their reunion brought tears to my eyes. He was the man they looked to for guidance at the bleakest hour but it was only after that they learned what it cost him.

STRUCTURE:

I usually talk about how the story handles branching in this part but there isn't really much to talk about in this case. The story is mostly linear with a few choices that you can explore but it definitely did feel like there were some obvious right choices and many wrong ones that would lead you immediately to a game over. I didn't really bother trying to explore other choices mostly because I felt like I took the most satisfying path in my first try.

Overall, I give this one a 7/8. Congrats on the early entry, Will. :]

Excellent story. There are a few run-on sentences and missing punctuation, but overall no SPAG issues significant enough to break my immersion in the story. As someone who works with veterans regularly (and is married to one), this story does a good job honoring them and the sacrifices that were required.

This story is well worth a read and review by everyone.

At times like this you really start to wonder, why even bother with a contest.

That's just not fair to the rest of us in the contest, Will! You wrote this in a month? Fuck you honestly. 7/8

This is (as far as I can tell) a seriously researched and epically written story of realistic people suffering unimaginable horrors. Thanks to the author for including so much of the before-and-after, which brings it alive even more and roots it in real history.