Player Comments on A Story of Love, Death, and Eggs

I am guessing by the description that this is the classic lolrandom story. These kinds of stories can be fun because they have no limits. The story can go anywhere at any time for any, or no reason. This can be entertaining, but if done poorly, can simply be boring and annoying. It can be difficult to write the lolrandom, but the CYOA setting is the place for it. And I do like eggs.

The story has an interesting setup, but could have a bit more. If I’m waking up in a dimly lit room, I’m going to look around the room in detail. Descriptions here could include more about the room. How big is it? Is it clean or dirty? Is the floor wooden or covered with carpet? Is there furniture in it? Are there any eggshells? Does the window have a curtain? Many more details just on that first page could really expand the story and get the reader more into the story itself.

I like that the puppy gave me another chance. That’s the kind of lolrandom that can really be fun and silly at the same time. If you really wanted to expand this story, you could use variables to track how many times the reader selected that option and really only give them one more chance – so if they made the same selections a second time, they would get a different result!

The pages overall are a little short and really could benefit from more details throughout. While I realize you were going for the short, random, silly story, that can still be done with detailed descriptions. I liked the story overall, it did a nice job of lolrandom. I’d love to see the author complete a more detailed story that still doesn’t have to be serious, but could be more complete. Thank you for sharing!

Haha, super funny (love the go-kart part)

lets_a_go

is good

Short and silly, I’m glad I checked out all the endings.

i like the little mario kart twist at the end

This is the most beatiful thing I ever read in my life.

It is litterally a story about someone trying to get eggs. I honestly wasn't expecting that.

How is it love?

Haha very ?? funny

Plot twist... You are the Easter Bunny! ^_^

Cute little adventure. Really wish I could have pet that dog :)

That...was beautiful. Truly amazing.

Anyways, I didn't notice any grammar mistakes or storyline mistakes. It was funny. Too many fourth wall breaks for me though. Do you know how expensive it is the rebuild the fourth wall? A lot of money.

This game is very ridiculous, but was able to provide me sheer entertainment the entire way through. Great job

I enjoyed the story, although it was kind of short. I didn't notice many spelling mistakes. That was one doozy of a ride though.

Entertaining to say at least. Funny, but lacking in ambition.

I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't this. Very entertaining, if short. Bravo!

Amazing. The eggs have blessed me. Amen. I only worship eggs now.

Well, like those little self-made games that killed five minutes in a fun and entertaining way: it was random but not so random as to lose the thread of the bizarre storyline (I don't think since Dr Eggman from Sonic the Hedgehog I can remember a more egg-obsessed character).

The grammar was good but there were a few minor typos, you wrote "board" instead of "bored" and referred to a Cake Aisle as a Cake Isle (which does admittedly sound more fun). There were some interestingly creative lines (the phrase "making is squack in pain as it poofs into a raw chicken" struck me as particularly imaginative) and it was a nice example of Literary Nonsense of the sort of Alice in Wonderland variety.

I think if you kept writing and applied yourself to producing a more traditional choose your own adventure your creativity could take it down some rather fun paths, perhaps branching out into several fun storylines such as the egg one. Not too bad and better than a lot of other random-lol stories out there, 3/8

So I chose to give this storygame a chance just based off of the pure, sheer amusement I got from just looking at the title. It is mildly funny, I’ll give you that, especially for this storygame (since its the kind of storygame that sort of is the random-ness, noneness-full genre). It’s written with good grammar though I would have loved to not be able to fall out the window endlessly in a loop instead of being forced to pick the right option. Overall, this would have been cool if written with more detail, but it’s decent for the genre you picked it for.

P.S. I don’t like raw cookie dough.

I enjoyed this storygame. It was a little nonsensical and silly, but I imagine that was the point of the game. The pacing was a little quick for such a silly storygame, but it was still well done. I liked how you gave the different endings a very distinct feeling and flair. It gave me as a reader a different sense of accomplishment and I did feel rewarded.

It was very short and thus the experience was short so that would have to factor in. I think if you expanded on it, you could add some more exploration of the building you were trapped in and you could slowly piece together your mission from various clues. Maybe a few more challenges along the way to the eggs.

All things considered, it was a very short and enjoyable game. Aside from a couple spelling and grammar errors, it was well done. Keep up the good work!

Very funny and quite entertaining.

This was a fun little story game. It was random but there were parts that were funny. I bet you'll get a good grade for your class.

When you die due to trying to pet the puppy, you should add a ¨End game¨ along with the other choice. Forced loops can get a bit annoying.
Love the story overall.

Slow claps

Despite being deliberately random and nonsensical (thus making the actual plot take second place) this is a nice little storygame, not bad for being your first.

It was very simply structured and had only two (very similar) epilogues, but I didn't find evident writing errors and some passages managed to be somewhat funny.

In the end it was a good first test on storygame structure. You seemed to handle a simple story well enough so keep writing, I'm curious to see what you're capable of.

This made me a little board. Very boaring.

eggses are just premature chicken.

fetus.

A creative plot, and a whole lotta eggs. Damn good game sir.