Player Comments on Bob and His Adventure

3J was right about this story, it's way better then the title makes it seem.

I liked how it seemed strange, but turned out to be a fun storygame to play. While it was linear and the plot seemed to be quite... unoriginal and generic, I would read more from you if you were to brush up on adding detail to your storygames and using better plots :)

The writing overall wasn't exactly bad, it was just lacking a lot of motivation. Remember, don't force your writing or else the outcome might not be as nice as you'd like it to be.

More character development and emotion would has been great, because I felt the characters were just generic figures who I know little to nothing about.

It wasn't the shortest storygame i've ever read, but you could have added a few more sentences. I found there to be about one paragraph per page and a number of links.

I feel like you had trouble taking a plot and sticking to it, because it felt very linear and jumped from one situation to another quite quickly.

3/8, not bad.

Bob and His Adventure was better than I was expecting from the title. The author did not seem to be particularly inspired while writing this adventure but he understood the need for a non-linear plot and this, at least, was appreciated.

The author would do well to craft an actual plot with developed characters for his next storygame so that we can get a feel for whether or not he can actually write.

3/8...
No offense, but this isn't really as good as I hoped. I mean, it isn't a complete crash, but there were some bumps and bruises to be taken care of. First, a storyline. This is Choose-Your-STORY, not Choose-Random-Links. As entertaining as the childish format was, I think it would have been better with a solid background, and not just to the characters. Another thing. It seems like a childish story, but really, I didn't even know how to rate this. I mean, I have no idea how old you are, and if this is honestly the best you can do. I judge the same for everyone, and I hope you improve.

BOB DA GOAT

This story is good, I enjoyed it. One thing I noticed is that the beginning is a bit linear, but it turned out to be really fun despite the misleading title. I kept trying to get more than one happy ending, but I couldn't find any one other than the shark one. It is a nice story game in all.

This comment may contain spoilers. Be warned to not read this before playing the storygame.

There were no obvious grammar mistakes ruining the stories flow. I am no native speaker and also not very well at grammar so I guess it does not count as much if I did not spot any.

Even though the structure and length of the pages was quite simple, the story does have a certain childish charm.

Now to the actual story.
Like I said above it is written quite childish. The pages are short. All of them were just one single paragraph and the sentences were not written in a very complex style. I can clearly see this as a small picture book for children.

The plot was not thought through well enough for a choice based storygame. There were quite a lot of jumps from one situation to the next.
The decisions also seemed quite random. You never gave the reader an idea why they should choose a certain path or why one decision would lead to a worse outcome than the other. In the end the decisions did not really matter much anyways since all paths lead to the same outcome or to a "death".

Your characters also were not really developed. They were just shallow names waling one way or another.

This story did not really have any big emotions or choices of morale. It had no great descriptions that let the reader immerse himself into it or let them feel like they are climbing a mountain or sailing a boat.

For the missing deeper plot and background I have to take away from the rating.
The nice childish charm of this very short story brings you a 4/8 from me.

snow fuck yourself really hard

Very funny and I love MC HONEY

Good and cute story. You should make it longer next time though.

The pages were very short, but that didn't bother me. The probably though is that I ran into a path that made me lose no matter what decision I made, which really irritates me when I play a game. It take the purpose out of it.

Somehow entertaining, although more detailed narrative or descriptive writing could've gone a long way to improving this.

"Stay with the sharks

Bob and MC Honey become best friends with the sharks. And they all lived happily ever after."

Well that certainly is unusual! ;)

Ah, CYOA at its simplest. Or so I'd like to think. Good spelling and grammar, nice writing, some nice choices which allow us to explore the world around us and actually interact with things...

Unfortunately, it's also very bland. It's Bob does this, bob does that. It felt like the narrator was some kind of robot. it lacked emotion and character, really. It was all about plot and action, and that's fine if executed correctly - but it could do more.

I enjoyed it for what it's worth, but I feel that Bob could reach greater horizons than this.

Not bad, it was cute.

It was cute and fun.

Simple and fun

bast gam evea

Got pretty grim... quickly.

Um. I kind of sped through this because of the lack of words per page, but do all the sentences start with Bob or something? I think Bob needs a purpose.

omg shark friends YAY

i am a new person after this

This was so cute :)

honestly i liked the book only that the best ending that i could find was being friends with the sharks so yeah

So... The best ending you can get is making friends with a bunch of sharks... ... ... Ah, why the fuck not? Cute story ^_^

This story has no dialogue. It also could use way more details. The story pages went to quick there was to much action and not enough description. Next time you make a story, add dialogue and add way more details. Other than all this, the story was very funny, and it has a interesting plot behind it. Keep writing!

To put it lightly, it wasnt.. what I expected. So many ways to die.

NOOO! Why did the dog have to get eaten by a whale? I was worried enough when I thought the bear ate him. Overall though the story really just went all over the place. It would be better with more description.

Meh

Very sad.

it was funny yet very sad

(follow up comment)just write another story when you have an idea that's actually good

what are you, a little kid? if you are, then you might want to not write any more stories on chooseyourstory because this one stinks. pew you

"As Bob climbs down, a poisonous snake bites Bob. He falls in the water and a crocodile eats Bob. MC Honey is awfully depressed, so he spends a week eating ice cream, watching romantic movies, and listening to Adele." This is the best story game ever! 8/8

Well it was a little strange however it was defiantly non-linear and wasn't badly written

4/8 it would have been fun to play as a pirate instead of dying.

hmm... interesting, interesting, but not really terrific.

Not too bad, but some of the events that happened didn't really make sense.

Cute story! I like the dog :) This storygame would definitely benefit from being an advanced story so you can give the player the flashlight or tennis racket and let them use it rather than just telling them it was in their sack.