Cantina Band: The Assassins' New Tune
, #13 for
Played 950 times (finished 108)
"Run through the jungle"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"Aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.
Part of Series
All it takes is one time. In Cantina Band: Dusty Death in D Minor, you played Frigin D'an of the Star Wars galaxy. While investigating the suspicous death of your brother, you stumbled upon an illegal scheme to create an army of assassin droids. Despite your wishes to remain obscure and uninvolved, evil holds a rentless grudge. Now, you must join the fight to destroy the droids and their creators...or face the consequences. In the last epic, you risked it all to solve the mystery of your brother's murder. This time, will you be able to stifle The Assasins' New Tune....and live to play your own symphony? *3 possible winning endings*
Onto the sequel! I quite enjoyed this. Once again, here's what I thought:
- Okay, the description has gotten better, which is actually one of the criticisms I had of the first one, but could still be expanded a little more at the start. Later on it kind of developed.
- While there were fewer spelling issues, I noticed a fair amount of incorrect dialogue syntax, which I don't think I saw before, including on the first page. For example:
"Tell me what you know about the IG-88 droids working for Zuckuss"
You need a full stop ('period', though I think I saw British English so ignore that if you're from the Motherland) at the end of these sentences, or a comma when the sentence continues, e.g. when it explains who is saying it and how they're saying it. I did notice you put commas after the double quotation marks, but they need to go before. However, leave them out if you use elipses, exclamation marks, or question marks. This was pretty common throughout, but is a pretty minor fault.
- "Clash! Clee! Cling! Krrrrrr!" Some improved sound effects, though I didn't think 'clee' was even possible before reading this. Still, it does look like you've stopped mashing the keyboard with one hand, so that's good.
- The warning about the continuation from your first game doesn't look nice sitting inside the story. I'd suggest writing it in the description and just quickly mentioning that people need to choose the correct path in the first to understand the second.
- While I was originally glad to see you'd added items, the hologram projector is completely useless as one. Actually, none of them are actually usable as far as I can tell apart from the chitin armour. You put a fair amount of time describing and finding pictures for the decent number of weapons, but I didn't get to use any of them in the fight! Instead of picking it up and then just showing what it says on the next page, I'd suggest making the reader have to click 'Use Item', and have the effect on that page lead to the page where it shows the information on who to recruit. A useful article on how to do that kind of thing is here: http://chooseyourstory.com/help/articles/article.aspx?ArticleId=2, though it looks like you know how to use item effects already.
- Haha the freeze gun's picture was just Han Solo's frozen face though so that makes up for the strange use of items. The heavy weapons could have done with pictures too, as well as the sniper and money items, and only one had a description that acknowledged the reader's choice from the Mos Eisley shop. This is minor as well.
- Onto my favourite part: "You wonder around hoping to find someone who will help you, not just beat you up, steal your money and you Chitin armour, Wait! that gives you an idea..."
...Yeah? God, I'm enticed. I wonder what this idea will be.
End Game and Leave Comments.
I don't know, maybe I'm being presumptuous and the fantastic idea was for the MC to suddenly cease existence, but somehow I get the feeling you intended to add something else. You might want to unpublish, proof-read, and add that extra thing.
- I'd set up item restrictions on certain links, like when you can take the money for the mercenaries. I chose to not take the money, but somehow paid them anyway.
- It's not very clear that you need to equip the chitin armour; I assumed it already was on once I got it seeing as every other item didn't have it's own 'You can't use that yet/here' page, but had the default pop-up instead, and because you also didn't seem to be using items as they usually are used.
- The whole 'go left and something good happens' and 'go right and something bad happens' trope is not a great one, so I'd try to avoid using that.
- As with the last one, I can tell you're way into Star Wars, and that comes through in the Sci-Fi explanations, adding to them. You put more effort into this story, and it's good to see progression and improvement. While most of this is criticism, I think this is a decent addition to the stories here and is above average.
I think this is a 4.5/8, but because I can't go halfway I'll round up to 5/8 because I do think this is an improvement.
on 7/21/2017 5:32:00 AM with a score of 1465
Pros: Great length, deep storyline, a lot of good description, attempts at having some emotional moments
Cons: Story takes a while to get going, having some items with pics and others not is a bit distracting, a few of the story segments seem somewhat fragmented, there seems to be only one right way to get through the story, some strange errors ("scale the cliff down" is not English.)
Overall: Very nice fanfic. Anyone who only has a score of around 150 should replay before rating to make sure you're seeing its full potential.
on 11/3/2008 6:58:08 AM with a score of 1240
This is really pretty good.
Despite having three authors, the overall writing is very cohesive.
A lot of the items have nice pics. Why only some, though? It makes the generic pics look a little out of place. Was this one of the parts where three people were contributing? Also, is there a way to keep the items, or is it a must-drop? If so, you don't really need the lengthy item selection process.
A worthy entry to the fan fic section.
on 7/23/2008 12:47:30 PM with a score of 1450
This is not usually the type of game I like to play. I found it to be entertaining.
on 2/17/2019 3:23:04 PM with a score of 1155
We won at the cost of my life
on 5/15/2018 9:52:06 PM with a score of 1490
The game ended in the middle of a sentence. We also had 7+ one-link pages with nothing but a single sentence on each of them.
on 9/27/2017 6:23:15 AM with a score of 1190
I like this ending the best;Ahoot the detpacks
on 11/21/2016 12:07:27 PM with a score of 1585
Got all three endings. Not as solid as the first chapter but still okay. It was longer with more choices. There were a few spelling and grammar errors.
on 10/6/2016 1:26:14 PM with a score of 1275
I did not know they came out with a carbonite freeze gun. >_>
on 6/3/2015 11:29:25 AM with a score of 1085
on 3/26/2015 12:34:22 AM with a score of 1615
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