chooselife

The major problem with this storygame is that I just don't believe anything that's happening. I don't relate to anything within the story as you don't build up setting or characters. Is there a reason for me ignoring Lilly? I didn't see one. Is there a reason for me walking into the haunted orchard and the haunted house, other than I felt like it? Nope, there isn't. Your characters are unrealistic, and therefore, unrelatable. If you could improve this, then this storygame might have been entertaining. Spelling and grammar were done well, but there was one inconsistency that I saw (something about a snake bite when I hadn't come across a snake earlier in the storygame). I hope to see a better storygame out of you one day; you have some potential :)

This game was... at best, Horribly horrible and Painfully short and annoying.

Alright, Let's start with the title. The title should make the readers want to read your story. There's just one problem! Capitalization and The spacebar has been completely ignored. It's not even complete! Instead of chooselife, Why not Choose your life?

Here's the second problem. The story is extremely linear! How can you choose your life if there are a lack of important decisions? If you go to Lilly and say Hi, It doesn't even let you! Why did you even include that in the first place?

Here's my third problem. Absolutely NO character development. Why do you hate Lilly so much? Did she punch you in the face? Did she make you step on a snake thus weakening you? You should include that on the story! Consider the 6 w's next time. The 6 w's are quite important for your story. The 6 w's are Who, When, What, Where, Why, and How.

Here's the 4th problem. This modern adventure is illogical. One of the endings where you die because you stepped on a snake is... Surreal. You didn't even give any hints on what would happen if you kill the snake. That's why this story is linear!

Here's my last problem. The detail in this story is lacking. Seriously, Include more details! Describe your surroundings using the 6 w's. If you don't your story will be dull and boring.

No spelling and grammar mistakes which is quite surprising. Also, Nice job using images for your story but you must give credit! Remember, You have potential.

this stinks

2 minutes of my life.... gone. sorry but this was pretty bad.

I chopped the head off a snake. But it was poisonous, so I died. ^Because that makes sense.^ The wording in this game was too short. The whole story in my opinion needs to be revised. Needs a lot of additions in the story for it to be decent.
2/8

No detail what so ever. It doesnt really have detailed deaths eather.

Not that great

This was quite a good little story. Well written with attention paid to spelling and punctuation. An entertaining 5 mins.

It was good but Lilly has problems

posin Snakes deadly peaches, 30 foot drops freinds almost wringing your neck, well i geuss she had a fun day!