Player Comments on Curse of the De'meir (Part 1)

I personally had a lot of fun with this. I think it has an excellent storyline, and I liked the amount of detail that was put into describing the details. However, the word choice was relatively simple. If you're going for a better piece of writing, I would try expanding the story's vocabulary. But from a guy just trying to enjoy a good story, this had an excellent storyline and descriptions. Well done! I am certainly looking forward to the next part!

I enjoyed this story. The fact that it is a part one ( and a fairly short part one ) leaves the story very unfinished. Upon completing this, I feel the same as when I get to read a couple preview pages before purchasing a book. That being said, what is here is pretty good.

The concept and the writing is pretty well done. From the start, the sense of mystery colors the mood, and little bits of uneasiness are progressively fed to the reader. The writing itself is decent and there are no glaring errors that take away from the story.

The characterization is fair. Although I didn’t really get to know the main character, enough was revealed to know why he went to the town to make it sufficient for the outset of the story. A little more understanding regarding the main character would have helped me get into the story a bit more.

There was not much branching in this story as mentioned by the author in the description. However, there was a little more than I expected after that disclaimer. Most of the choices though pushed you across one particular path.

This was way too short. I felt like it stopped just when i was getting some rhythm in the story. It would have been great to get a bit deeper into the story before it’s ending. Even if it was linear, I would have liked more to read.

Overall it was a pretty good and at least worth the read. I would have rated this a little higher had there been more story, but I felt what was here was done fairly well. A promising start to the story.

It was interesting

Good atmospheric design and description of the beast. However, it is not only linear, it feels like if choices don't really matter and the protagonist is rather plane. However, It has potential for the bext part.

Really liked it. When's 2 coming out? Grammar and punctuation need some work.

Pretty good, so far so good. I want more!

Kinda predictable, but great story, and I love how descriptive you are. Can't wait for part 2!

On par with Goosebumps! Very well done, but why were random words capitalized? Kind of predictable, but still a decent story. Can't wait for part 2.

Interesting. Could use better vocabulary. All in all well done and frightening if you choose to be curious and not leave right away.

Wow. That was scary

Great many, Great possibilities await and so I too shall await the second instalment in this wonderfully crafted mystery!
With further developments in the future I hope this will grow to become a small franchise of its own.
Also I personally feel that being linear in your work is fine as it can work in your story’s favour sometimes and as long as it is done well - sufficiently nuanced, as it was here.
Thank you

Not bad! There were a few small grammar errors, and I wish it was finished. Overall, I felt it was unpolished, but good.

I love horror and this game is amazing!

Interesting and certainly has a lot of potential. Wished you made this into a complete story, rather than part 1, since I doubt you'll ever end up writing the next part. Some more backstory development would have been nice too.
It kind of reminded me of AHS season 5 for some reason! All in all, your writings pretty decent and your idea pretty good, but I would have given a higher rating if it were longer.

This was amazing! definitely a thriller and i'm excited for the next chapter. keep up the good work and I can't wait to play the next chapter.

A good read even if it was linear. Shame Part 2 never came out.

It was scary and great! It felt like it was real. Please make more.

I liked this story a lot and I wish you'd continue it.

Nice

Not bad, certainly scary.

this is awesome!

Great story with a fantastic creepy vibe. Sequels are annoying but the story isn't bad on it's own. 5/8

Interesting storyline, and rather engrossing.
I would certainly like to see a sequel to this.

There was some good writig here, seriously, and I hope you continue, but I'm afraid, due to my lack of any emotional soul, that I have felt none of the bone-chilling terror you hped for, and actually found my pursuers quite awesome beings that I would like to play as.

i found your story quite intriguing and well put together, i hope that you'll make the sequel soon. also was something like silent hill or resident evil 3 your inspiration for your story because i've watched my brother play resident evil and i've heard you tube videos about game designs mention silent hill before so it sounds like something you would see in those games, and though it didn't scare me i found it strange and odd and i would like to see more of it soon dont keep your readers in suspense now that you've piqued thier interest this story is too good not to complete i look forward to seeing the rest of hopefully soon. great job.

If I were really this protagonist, no freaking way I would just up and go to this obvious horrorfest. First, I might read the letter and look up its key components online (maybe 'those scars on your back might heal' is an expression, I'd probably assume). As curiosity builds, I MIGHT ask my mother if I could go. But she would never let me go alone, so the rest of my family would come along. Anyway, we would all find the intense flowery scent incredibly intrusive, yet I doubt I would be sickened, but my mom would start sneezing and say that's it, time to go home, allergies. ALL OF THAT ASIDE, I guess it was okay. The way some pages were formatted was disorienting (pages which would add text to themselves if you clicked a link, mainly) and though spelling was radical, grammar was lacking. I didn't learn the heart of the mystery, but the way the story was going (due in large part to the linear-ness) made me feel it was gonna be generic anyways. I liked what you were going for but felt the description could have been improved, as well as some of its implementation (how many times did you say 'coppery smell' or something like that?). Page descriptions could be fiddled with through variables, for instance. I bet this comment was entirely too long, but there you have it.

Agh..."describing the creatures." lol

3-J is a nickname for JJJ-TheBanisher. He's the active Admin of the site and a great writer.
Anyways, I found the story quite well done for a first try and I hope you will finish the entire story soon.
In some ways I found the -same page but with more words- style enjoyable even if I thought it was unnecessary. Again good job.

Thanks and I can't find 3-j for some reason. Im planning on making this a 3 part story game, the 2nd part will be much much longer, but I first want to know if people like this little skit before hand. I mainly want to see if Im being descriptive enough and such. If people actually like this small part i've made then the 2nd part will be really long, really bloody, and really full of Moral Conflicts!

It was pretty good for a first try. I recommend reading more of the stories here. Read some of 3-j's works, he is the grand master of this site and you will know what a literary masterpiece is.