Gig: Blast Damage Days
"Too few ratings to be ranked"
Played 78 times (finished 18)
"Trek through the forest"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"Aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.
entry into the CYBERPUNK CONTEST 2021. You are Anton, A cybernetically enhanced Solo looking to make some quick Eddies slinging lead in a the futuristic neon blood drenched Night City, Where your life can be cut short in the blink of a eye. This story takes place in the Cyberpunk (role-playing game) universe mostly pulling from The rule/lore books and 2077. Fun Fact: The story's name and all the page titles are song names as a small nod to 2077's quest names. (This is my first formally written story since High School and I am totally rusty [A.K.A It's not that good] so *constructive* criticism is very very welcome!)
Although this was a short story game (which I didn't mind), I felt there could be a bit more filler scenes to help put some meat on its bones. It just went next scene, next scene, next scene, done.
Also I'm not too big on excessive descriptions, especially where Sci-Fi is concerned, so I didn't care about that, but I would have liked to know more about the MC like Future said.
on 7/14/2021 1:44:00 PM with a score of 0
Not horrible. But yeah, honestly not great in all aspects, either. I did like the idea, the setting, and what was going on. It just felt hard for me to get into it. Like Nightwatch mentioned, the sentences feel rough and kind of forced. I had to read a number of them more than once just to figure out what they were saying. I think a little more natural descriptions of things would help the story -- both in that the sentences might end up easier to read, but also adding to the length of the story. And missing capitalizing the first letter of sentences is really just distracting.
Thank you for sharing the story with us and giving the contest a go!
on 7/14/2021 1:42:30 PM with a score of 0
The sentences don't breathe at all in this story where commas are a rarity. It's kind of like spaghetti, where the noodles are sentences and pulling one up brings another with it, and another. It's enough to affect the reading experience, so I have to lower my rating a little.
Mostly, this story suffers from being short. The setting seems more like an impression than a grounded experience, probably because names like Maelstrom are dropped in without any explanation, or enough context to make it seem smooth.
Otherwise, it seems alright. I wasn't captivated by the plot, but I didn't have to stop reading it either.
on 7/14/2021 4:17:27 AM with a score of 0
Grammar and punctuation were atrocious; so bad that it distracted me from the story. The story itself was too short and lacking a lot of description/background. But good job on getting a contest entry in!
on 7/12/2021 2:29:28 AM with a score of 0
First, I liked the game, and the direction it was going, but It was much to short. Also, it could have used much more description of the characters and the world. What does a solo look like? What does anton look like? What are the extent of the environmental problems both in and out side of Night City? Also, it would have been nice to learn a little more about Anton's past.
— Future1 on 7/12/2021 12:37:44 AM with a score of 0
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