Player Comments on Hive Mind

I really like how you started off the beginning with throwing the reader into a deadly scene that has already been developed, letting the story take off from there. It's very nice and gives an intense feel to the storygame.
The description of the situation is great as well,
so that's impressive for your first storygame (I think this is your first?)

I just wish that everything wasn't decided for us. Some situations could have been handles by the reader in a smarter way that what our character did on their own. The storygame ends very quickly as well, so the linearity of this really irks me.

I'm guessing that you got tired of writing this and decided to put a quick end to it, which isn't very smart. You had a very nice storygame going here, and it's sad that it was wasted in such a way. My rating will definitely increase if this is finished some time in the future. :)

4/8

Hmm, that was rather interesting? There was certainly a interesting premise, with all of the animals suddenly becoming hostile and attacking every human in sight. But ultimately it's never truly explained why that is the case in any of the endings that are possible to achieve, and that's quite a shame.

There's certainly something here, but it's unfortunately bogged down by lack of detail or explanations for the reader. The writing isn't bad, but the endings to each path seems to come rather arubtly, giving somewhat of a disjointed feeling to the storygame as a whole.

Also, some of the neutral endings aren't exactly neutral. They could be considered 'good' but that's really only a minor nitpick in the grand scheme of this comment.

There's potential in this, but some things are just left as a mystery and I couldn't help but feel that the story itself was rather incoherent in a way in it's presentation.

Some of the sentences were rather odd as well, this one especially in particular-"All people armed fire at the creatures, but the mass of them survives in whole."

While nothing is spelled incorrectly, it just doesn't come off of the tongue very well when read out loud. There are a few other sentences like that in the story that could be rather 'odd' in a way as well.

This story really wasn't bad, I actually enjoyed it for what it was. I just can't help but feel that certain things could of been improved on to make this an even better read.

Short and sweet

good story i love it

Huh

Good ending. I liked it.

Awesome game!

found all the endings! good story!

that was really short but was good. you should work on it and make it longer.

Well it was too short. Interesting concept.

Extremely short, but there are some good elements that show your potential.

I enjoyed it. I thought it was a bit short, but there was a lot of branching and it was fun to play.

Okay, now I found the good ending.

None of the endings were satisfying to me, and I couldn't find any good endings defending your apartment. It was cool though, I rated it 5/8.

Evil

I like this a lot, I just wish it was longer. Is there going to be a part two to this or something?

Pretty good for something I found in Random, most of those stories are just crap

Well, the path I chose gave me no explanation as to why everything that was happening was, well...happening. But I really like the concept.

Good

It was fun, and the story was new and creative. Obviously you can do a lot with your story games if this was just a test. I will definitely be checking out your others! (Just realized... similar usernames XD)

Direct light huh? That's a new one for me. good job

It was fine actually :)

Yay! Neutral!

I give it a 5/8 it's short but good and really don't listen to seth is beast he hates basically everything

I actually really liked this game. Was short, but still fun ^_^

Seth says NO!! Easy and short. Creative though. 2/8

5 for originality, minus 2 for shortness

I think I found all the endings, evil ending is funny.

I got the neautral ending which was weird, but hey. Isn't life weird? xD Good job, I guess!

is neutral good

pretty good

Wow this is pretty fun, I enjoyed it.

Good:
1. Writing
2. Originality

Bad:
1. Some of the Neutral Endings could be considered Good, and some of the other endings could have been classified differently as well

Ugly:
1. Shortness
2. Random consequences

Its really something different. Not malo; (not bad)

I liked it, but it is incredibly short given the possibilities =)