Player Comments on Story C - Kraken, My Love

Disclaimer: I’m not a professional writer and only somewhat of a seasoned reviewer. The mods who wrote these stories likely know more about writing than me. And to those of you who haven’t read the story, beware of spoilers.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

The story starts off strong with some really good descriptions, and I like the repetition of the word ‘sudden’. Comparing the Kraken to an alien flower was done well, as it allows readers to imagine this with a frame of reference, but is also something distinctively otherworldly. There’s a good blend of concrete and abstract imagery. The coin flip between life and death, with the choice as life, was poetic, especially with how well it relates to one of the endings (but more on that later).

NARRATIVE STYLE

The narrative voice went from the more abstract nature of the Kraken and teetering on the brink of death, to the sensory details of swimming to the surface, trying not to drown, and managing to survive. Each line was so well written. This is a masterclass on showing over telling, where each detail is given enough space to expand. I really liked the line: ‘A storm of questions flurried around you, then they sent you to a distant relative and finally gave you the mercy of being forgotten.’ It shows the passing of time so naturally and changes the scene.

The use of phrases like ‘towards the surface of your mind’ and ‘churning the water between the roots of every dream’ lends well to the recurring motif of the ocean and portrays the protagonist’s obsession. I took note of the phrase ‘dreaming darkness of the deep’ just as a fun example of alliteration, but this phrase is so fitting to the protagonist, given how she mainly sees the Kraken in her dreams and the world it lives in is surrounded by mystery and unknowns.

I love the subtle reminders of the protagonist’s morally grey nature, like how she believes the men are alright other than the fact that they ‘toss most of the bodies over without asking if you would like to watch’. And it’s amusing how the war between Okal and the protagonist’s home was described as ‘a stroke of luck’ given her single-minded focus on her goal.

PLOT & CHARACTERS

The plot starts with the obsession prompt at the forefront of the story. It shows how this obsession was born, and how it influences the protagonist’s actions, even from the first choice—both study and sailing are related to learning about the Kraken.

First, the study path. There appears to be nothing on the Kraken except for a tribal artwork, and upon following this lead, the protagonist boards a ship. The dangerous part of the obsession is shown here, as it drives the protagonist to make too hasty a decision, so eager to find out about the Kraken that she doesn’t take time to learn about the culture, and ends up dead. The one-link choices leading up to this does mean there wasn’t much of an opportunity to change her fate as soon as this route was chosen, though I understand that’s likely due to the word count constraints. This route leaves quite a few loose ends: Why was the protagonist killed? What exactly did she see that made her ‘know too much’? But this fuels my curiosity and makes me, as the reader, compelled to play the other path.

Okay, the sailing path is the main one. I guess if you want to discover an eldritch creature, relying on academia won’t get you far. Out of the three stories I’ve read so far, the branching seems to be the strongest here. A nitpick is that not much is known about the protagonist's inner conflict or personality aside from her obsession thus far. She is a bit of a blank slate morality-wise, so the choice between checking on the girl or not could decide her character. The line where she might like to see a body sink into the depths did seem a bit surprising given what little is known about her, yet it does make sense given her cavalier reaction to the death of the others who were there that day she nearly drowned. Small word omitted: ‘You think [you] might like to see that.’ In fact, I think that might very well be the only typo I’ve spotted throughout the entire story.

I like revenge plots, and women reclaiming power, but here, I have to wonder how much is actually vengeance and how much is the protagonist’s desire to see someone drown. Either way, it makes for an entertaining event, and it does get the protagonist closer to her goal of finding the Kraken.

‘If there's a lesson to be learned here, you suppose it's to not anger the people who handle your food’ - the overall writing style makes me somewhat certain I know who the author of this story is, and given that this person has mentioned handling food before on the discord, well, I hope for their sake that those people don’t anger the author. Still, if anything happens to them I’m sure it’s well deserved.

It’s realistic how they have to abandon the boat, not having the skills to continue on. A lot of time in stories—and this is something I’m guilty of as well—characters just suddenly have the needed skills to do anything that advances the plot. So this was a nice realism detail.

Next, the Okal path. Since it has been referenced in the study path, this seems like it’ll be the one where all questions will be answered. The protagonist enrolls in medical school and I like how it mentions she’s almost happy there, perhaps a nod to how addictions and obsessions can be overcome when you find something new to occupy your time.

I didn’t expect the friendship with Doctor Hennessy, but it’s sweet that the protagonist, who couldn’t tell others about the Kraken because they thought she was lying, could open up to him and time passed so quickly when they were together. The thoughts of the Kraken are soon replaced with thoughts of him. But it’s amusing how quickly he can become irrelevant on the other path about staying the course, where he’s casually dismissed with a one-liner.

ENDINGS

The Sea Witches ending: the protagonist continues trying to find the Kraken, but to no avail, and eventually the noose tightens and the protagonist looks forward to seeing the Kraken in death. A minor critique is that the storyline ended a bit too quickly here and the protagonist appeared quite passive, with not much shown about the efforts she took to find the Kraken. It seems like she just went along with the rest of the sea witches. And I’d have thought she’d prefer death by throwing herself overboard since at least that way she would be perhaps reunited with the Kraken, or be able to repeat their meeting in the past, as one last desperate attempt. Still, the noose is a CYStian classic.

The drowning ending: I see why the other one couldn’t have been about drowning, since that would lead to less variety of endings. This time, the dream is what drove the protagonist over the edge. Given her unhealthy obsession with the Kraken, and her reliance on dreams to hold onto the fleeting memories and remind her of what she yearns for (especially with dreams being used as escapism in some paths), this is a very fitting end for her character.

The daughter ending: the pregnancy did catch me off guard but it’s a nice parallel to the moment at the start, with the callback of the phrases such as ‘sodden with sweat, limp as a rag doll’ and ‘floating in a void’. The Kraken still remains somewhere in her thoughts, lingering forever. Oh, and this ties back to the start of the story, where she was suspended between life and death—now, she creates life. So this was what her survival meant: it was not for her life, but the child’s. The story ends with her wanting to bring her daughter to sea and find the Kraken with her. It’s a wholesome ending but with slightly dark undercurrents (pun intended).

The Kraken ending: it’s a nice touch that the pacing is determined by what is important to the protagonist. All details of the war are brushed over, as they are not relevant to her and her goal. Yet, pacing slowed to describe that night, where she paces under the moonlight, each detail stretching out like the calm before the storm. The Kraken arrives. First, the reader’s attention is drawn to the ripples, then the tentacles, until soon, its presence is undeniable. The protagonist has a moment of triumph because after so many people denying its existence, she sees it again. And even though it’s not explicitly spelt out, I think this ending explains the study path and what the protagonist saw: that the Okal waged wars as a way to make sacrifices to the Kraken.
Quite a good plot twist and reveal. Still, it does leave a few loose ends: what did the moment with the squid mean, and what caused the protagonist’s connection to the Kraken in the first place? Why did it not kill her at the start (and if it’s because of the daughter, how does she fit into this story)? Though perhaps I missed something since it’s relatively late in the night. And thinking more about this, considering the Kraken seems like some kind of eldritch being, the lack of clear answers surrounding it could be thematic.

TL;DR

Very well-written story about one’s obsession with finding out about a Kraken with a variety of endings and a lot of replayability. While character development of the protagonist felt a bit lacking, the writing was top notch and there was a lot of branching. It felt like such a cohesive story and each earlier ending made the last two endings I discovered more satisfying and earned.

From the title of the story, I had thought that the good doctor was going to be some sort of kraken in disguise or something, and your baby was going to come out as a half-kraken baby. Good story nevertheless.

Nicely written! The kraken's profound influence on the narrator's mind is captured very well. There's also a decent bit of world building considering the story's length. Really good.

Interesting and engaging story, with surprising diverse spread of endings. The build up and character choices available are interesting and reasonable (as reasonable as possible in the context of the main character).

The main disappointment in the story is that many of the endings seem to fall flat for me. I think it is the vagueness in each that leaves an unsatisfactory feeling behind.

This is a good package of eldritch horror, traumatic themes and the pursuit of romance. The protagonist longs for something that she hopes will give her meaning, but in of itself it is a vain pursuit. The endings where she sees beyond herself, either when the sailors are poisoned or her child is born, are more satisfying than the ones where she ends in ignominy.

A great way to subvert the classic Lovecraftian style horror stories with a lot of tendrils to follow that remain consistent in writing and themes.

This story is really good!

The writing is quite powerful. It's really visceral, and evokes a sense of tragedy.

It's quite poetic. After the tumultuous beginning, where the young woman surfaces to the water, she gets to choose between studying or sailing.

I really like how the story portrays the MC's obsession with the kraken. In the study path, it leads to her tragic death, with an almost Sherlock Holmes-ian ending of mysteriously tumbling to your death in a misty gorge.

I did like the Sailing Path better, that seems to be the main one.

I really liked the ending where the MC and her friend Peggy form a gang, it was pretty interesting and played off her obsession with the Kraken quite nicely.

The ending where she's hanged, and instead of despairing feels hopeful was so good. It showed her messed up mental state really well, and I loved this line: "The gulf set between you and the Kraken had come to feel like that between life and death, and maybe your god of the sea had always been waiting to embrace you, just on the other side."

This story was a really great take on the prompt. In 4000 words, it manages to do amazing things with characterization, world building, plot, and writing that many stories twice the length fail to achieve. It's a tour de force in flash fiction, and an example that I would point to if someone would ever ask me whether it's possible to write a large encompassing narrative with complex themes in 4000 words or less. I also really like the take it took on the prompt.

a well written story told in a small package with just enough choice to keep it interesting.

I loved the writing style in this one.