The Life Story #1: Preschool

Well it wasn't exactly BAD, just boring and not original in the slightest. It's really short as well, but there's not much that can be done with a narrow idea like this. It's why I've never been into storygames that are about spending a day doing whatever. They never turn out well and are boring.

The writing wasn't too bad, but some things need work. There's a part that talks about the mom introducing you to the door or something, so that was a little weird. Also, the kid's dialogue and mental proceeds are a little too advanced to be believable. I'd say tone it down a bit.

There's a few spelling and grammar mistakes that can be fixed as well, so I'd just take this down and work on it some more.

3/8

Do;
Make it longer (too short for "Part of Series");
Write dialogue correctly (it's passable, but not 100% correct);
Include more interactions;
Make a conflict other than being left alone in preschool (example: bullies).

Good:
Writing skills;
Link choices (you had realistic choices);
Choice of words (not too hard for kids).

Note: It actually hooked my attention quite well. Keep up the good work!

I like it, reasonably interesting premise and well written. I've worked at a kindergarten in China and some of the children cried almost nonstop for 3 months when they first went but that might have been because they were 2-3 years old. The older children were 5 and 6 and after a few years teaching they knew the alphabet, the phonetic alphabet and can start to read short words, so out of boring teachery interest how old is the main character Maddie?

it was fun but i think it was to short like your d***

Cute!

It was alright. I mean if you’re going to make a story about a kid going to preschool I think you should at least make it more interesting.

By that I mean give us some more character development, chioices, and branching instead of a linear story. Your writing is fine and good it just needs some more work on the parts that make stories interesting.

Also I would make it about regular school instead of preschool since your character sounded and acted older than a preschooler in my opinion.

This was really interesting! I'm looking forward to the next work. :D This was realistic, well-thought out and beautifully written. It was simple and easy to understand. But something was missing. I think you should add something unexpected like a bully or some stolen object. keep in mind this is just a suggestion, this story was good. It wasn't exactly the best, but it wasn't the worst either. Looking forward to seeing more works from you! :D

Haha

More?

It's okay, is a little short. I only found one ending though. Is there a next one? Because I didn't make any friends... Just talked to one other kid. Still an interesting game.