Player Comments on The Murder Mystery

This was a good attempt and I like the effort. There were two main problems that really ruined it for me. First and foremost, the grammar was terrible. You need to watch your tenses. You switch from past to present in mid sentence and it destroys immersion. Beyond that though, the motivation wasn't there. Why did she lead me on a goose chase just for her to tell me in the end? Why did I have to see her brothers? How did the ambulance driver know about her childhood death wishes? Why did she have childhood death wishes? There are about 1000 plot holes and that happens when you've got an idea for the plot and force it to go that way, its better to let it flow from character motivation. Still, good effort and keep trying.

I loved it.It had everything.I want you to create a sequel.

3

Even though it had a cuss in it i love it! R.I.P Karen tho.

don't give in

It was okay.

Nice

What the actual fuck. Donde esta el grammar???

Some of the parts made no sense, like his friend being mad at him for a mistake of some sort. Probably having him questioned and searched? The first time I played it I failed though, which is cool haha

Er.. You said that the maturity level was 4/8, even though the word f*cking was in it, and other words that children cannot see.. I think that you should set the maturity level to 7/8 ASAP before any children read those words and ask their parents what it means.

It sounds exciting, but it's just a suicide from old memories;

Good effort indeed...

How can I say this? It's true, it shows you worked hard to write this story. Even through the wrong wordings, it managed to keep me immersed in the story (though I disliked the end part about Karen, it somehow portrays her as bad for letting her husband go chasing after a goose with diarrhea).

Suggestion would be to better the phrasing of some sentences. For example, learning to differentiate the uses of "your" and "you're".

I can't say this is a great story, but it certainly isn't vety bad. Not too shabby. 5/8.

Scary and creepy

Not enough info

Well, I went through all that for nothing.

stupid

The story was great, very suspenseful as the player tries to find out what happened to his wife. As others have said, the sentence stricture is odd, but readable. Well done

mad

bad grammer and vey confusing. i like the idea though, so keep trying!

"Well at least i didn't arrive to late,"
Spell check that please?

A good story but not very many options

I idn't read most of it. I just looked at the choices. Too long.... But really good, and awesome story. Ending was sad though. Awesome Approves 5/10

Confused

It was great. Really the kind of story I like. It's the whole atmosphere of the story that I can't describe other than: "it's the atmosphere of the story".

Meh, while you have (almost) perfect spelling, I think the way you worded the story hung me.

A very very very sad ending!

I liked this story and it was a good effort. I'd tend to agree with the other comments regarding plot holes and the like. One thing I'm curious about, and I don't mean this as an insult, but is English your first language? I noticed that some of the grammatical errors are common errors made by ESL students; the same went for some of the phrases. Anyway, hopefully you didn't just take that as a huge insult because I thought it was creative and a great effort, looking forward to more.

I thought the two identical endings were too grim to be enjoyable. Seems inconsistent with the tone of the story. In some cases I wished for shorter pages and more choices, though the latter would add to complexity. I suggest being consistent in using caps in choices and page titles. I agree with 3J on the plot holes. Storyboard your effort and stand back from the story to see how the flow can happen. And read it from the perspective of someone totally new to the story.

I like the flow and the pacing in this story, as well as the choices. I'm sympathetic to Mike, the main character. But the story leaves me with more questions than answers. What happened in Karen's childhood? What exactly is wrong with her brothers? You tell us they have "issues," but I'm not getting a visual. Take us into a scene instead of just telling us what happens. And it might be good to get someone to edit as opposed to just relying on spell check, which misses a lot of grammatical errors. Great first game, though. Makes me want to go back and try the other threads.

the flow was interupted with too many inconsistencies. i struggled to stay with the story. however, on the bright side, this was one of the stronger new stories.

I agree with 3J's comment for the most part. I was interested enough to hunt down every possible ending, but I wasn't satisfied once I did. Why didn't any ending let me find out what really happened to Karen? Also, as 3J mentioned, there's a ton of plotholes. One he didn't mention for example was the Doctor being able to give out Karen's information. Normally, that's illegal, as Doctors have to preserve client confidentiality. If the nurse wouldn't even let you see her body, then I don't think the Doctor would tell you her personal information either. Also, many of the choices led to such confusing results. Half of them seemed like good ideas but turned out to just get me killed. Some of them didn't even make sense either. For example, when I went to confront the drug dealers on my own, I escaped so I could come back prepared. I went to the weapon shop for that purpose, but when I tried

That's a great story, mr.xcentrix. I enjoyed it
Keep it up!

This Storygame was very enjoyable to play. It had a fine writing style and a lot of emotion within the plot. The replay value gives the story even more points. I hope to see more Storygames from the creator.

Very good story! Some parts in the middle were confusing, but overall it was still very good and I enjoyed reading it. I can tell you put time into it. Good job!

Very emotional ending, I actually got shot to death trying to defend my neighbor. So many different storylines and so much effort, unlike some garbage on here. THAT MEANS YOU, AWESOME. Anyway, this easily makes my top 5 favorite games. Bravo my friend.

There was something off about this story- it was like it was Google translated or the writer is not a native standard English speaker. I reached an ending early on, and thought, "There must be something more to the plot," so I read every page of the story to try to get some sense of the plot, but nothing made any sense to me. I understand the beginning and end of the story, but nothing in the middle made any sense. I was also expecting somewhat of a whodunit, but it wasn't that at all either.

Very good! One of the better games to come out in awhile.

That was great! It was better than I thought. Good job. Please write more!