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I'm all for encouraging children to take an interest in the grim dark of doomy dooms, but this looks fucking ridiculous.

https://warhammeradventures.com

Maybe it's just the artwork that's sucking hard, but I can't imagine what a kid friendly written warhammer universe is like. Fantasy or 40,000.

I mean do the space marines and chaos marines shoot blue and red lasers at each other and nobody ever gets hit?

Do the Dark Elder torture people by tickling their feet?

Does the Plague God of Chaos Nurgle just give everyone bad colds?

Is there a moral lesson at the end of every book with a commissar saying how bravely they fought strange hostile aliens and to remember that you shouldn't trust strangers either hence why you should shoot them instead?

(Actually that last one WOULD make for a very good bit of Empire propaganda in lore)

Twelve is around when I got into 40k, so they should just be reading regular 40k novels. It's not like they're challenging reads lmao. 

Aang? Is it you? hmm...

Warhammer for kids doesn't make any sense. Even from a business standpoint. Warhammer is the epitome of a gory, intense, and depressing sci-fi. I do not see any possible way that you can easily translate that into a "kid-friendly" format and still have it be interesting.

I mean Warhammer is already popular with kids, but there's a difference in edgy ultraviolent dystopias marketed at 14 year olds and books aimed at fourth graders.

Can't wait till a 9 year old gets into this and then somehow comes home with something from the main series and mom flips out.

Well, Warhammer isn't popular with anybody I know, so really I just imagine 4th-graders acting out "Warhammer" battles at lunch, completely oblivious to the true nature of the franchise.

So seriously is the moral of all of these going to be that worship and unquestioning loyalty to leaders and authoritarianism are good things?

Someone knowledgeable give me examples of what life is like for children in the setting.

If we’re talking about the 40k setting, then most definitely.

Loyalty and worship of the God Emperor in the Imperium is above all things. Speaking out against him can get you a quick visit by the Inquisitors which is a bad thing.

What life would be like for these children is going to depend a little bit where they were born.

They’re all very likely to be drafted into the Imperial Guard which is basically the main military backbone that are defending the Imperium against its many many enemies.

Which means you’e most likely going to sent battlefield to battlefield assuming you even manage to survive the first conflict. What planet you were born on matters a bit.

If you were born on the Death World of Catachan, expect to get sent to similar jungle worlds. If you were born on Cadia, expect to be the first imperial Guardsmen sent into a conflict because that whole planet is all into the military life (Even more than average).

Don’t want to serve? Too bad. you don’t have a choice. Thinking about deserting? Expect a commissar to shoot you in the back of the head, or an Inquisitor to hunt you down for being a traitor.

There are of course other branches you might qualify for like being an Imperial assassin or something, but it all mostly comes down to loyally serving the God Emperor, not questioning orders and getting sent off to hellhole to hellhole until you finally get killed and someone takes your place.

If you somehow didn’t get drafted, you can probably expect a life of being an average citizen constantly deferring to those with more authority and bigger guns than you and living in constant fear that an alien fleet is going to slam down on the planet with an invasion force. This is an even more likely occurrence if you’re living on the fringes of the the Empire where the reach isn’t quite as far (or observant, hence why you probably didn’t get drafted) Enjoy getting murdered the shit out of by a horde of space orks, eaten alive by the Tyranid Hive Mind, corrupted and/or killed by chaos forces or if you’re “lucky”, merely sterilized and thrown into a prison camp by the Tau.

If you were blessed enough to be born with psychic powers, then you get even more options. The first one is to submit to the Imperium and let them determine how powerful you actually are so they can give you a proper place.

If you’re an average psyker you’ll get shuffled off to one of the more mundane positions such as being an astropath which is basically a starship navigator. The whole time you’re probably going to be watched carefully by the Inquisitors who are making sure you aren’t falling to the influence of demons from the warp and also occasionally be under mental attack by said demons of the warp.

If you’re lucky enough to be deemed a really powerful psyker with a lot of discipline, you might get to be a librarian. No seriously. Librarians basically undergo heavy genetic modification which makes them less susceptible to chaos warp attacks and you get some neat all encasing power armor.

And then promptly sent to some of the worst locations to do battle with chaos demons as big as houses.

Finally, if you’re deemed to be a psyker that isn’t “good enough” well, it’s off to the God Emperor for you where you get to be sacrificed to him so he can eat your tasty psyker juices because he needs the ongoing energy to hold the forces of chaos at bay so they don’t completely rip open the fabric of reality.

Or you could just try to avoid all that and be hunted down by the Inquisition for the rest of your life while also still potentially falling to the forces of chaos via mind rape.

In any case that’s some of the main things. I mean you could still avoid all this, if you born on one of the shitty Hive worlds like Detroit Necromunda and grow up in a gang fighting over toxic waste dumps. Though that’s not much better, and hell if the Imperium really needs the manpower for whatever war they happen to be fighting at the moment (Which is all of them) you STILL could get drafted if they think you’ll be a suitable warm body to throw at the enemy.

Malk and Steve could probably tell you more information since I know this is a fascinating setting for you. Lol.

Warhammer Fantasy is a little different, but not much. It’s basically a crapsack world. They recently rebooted the fantasy setting due to dropping sales and in the hopes to get interest back up again. Personally I liked the old setting so I don’t know too much about the new one except its even more of a crapsack world, with only a few beacons of light and the rest of the world being fucked by chaos.

I've picked up the basics just by osmosis from interacting with nerds.

Really looking forward to seeing how they make these work for kids, particularly the never questioning authority parts since that goes against the grain of every bit of kids' fiction ever even before you get into the rest of it. I'll have to buy one so I can share with the class.

I can’t help but notice all the children in the fantasy setting are black and/or female and the chaos barbarians are a bunch of angry white dudes.

Obviously this is trying to push some sort of agenda and further proof that the new warhammer fantasy setting sucks.
 

Oh shit, I found someone bitching about just that! Lol

Can't watch it right now but maybe these people should just accept that the kids' line is a completely different franchise. It need not interfere with their ~sacred canon~.

Seriously, what will still even be recognizable about the series once all kid-unfriendly elements are stripped out and the universe is sanitized enough for fun adventures that 12 year olds can somehow survive?

I hear reddit is super mad. But you know, it's reddit.

These kids look about as battle-angry as most western rpg dad protagonists. For some reason I'm interested in how this would go down. 

Wow, what a cute coat! She looks like me! Except I wonder how a twelve year old is going to be managing a ship, even (or rather especially) if the ship was full of other twelve year olds. Will there be major character death? Are all the parents dead? Somebody needs to get keelhauled.

"She looks like me!"

Puddlebunni’s black? Well always nice to learn new information about someone on here.

According to the small description Zelia helps her mom who is an explorer of alien worlds and digging up artifacts like intergalactic Lara Croft. Not exactly sure which imperium branch that is, but apparently she’s also like her mom in that she doesn’t like weapons.

Okay, this is a major problem right there. If you’re living on one of the nicer and insulated imperial worlds where you’re not likely to ever be in any major danger then sure, walking about with no weapon and teaching your children to do likewise is fine.

If however you’re going around on alien worlds digging up who knows what, you damn well better at least have a laspistol on you. Preferably something even better than that.

The ONLY aliens that MIGHT not kill or torture you right away are the Tau and Eldar who might just ignore you if you’re lucky. Everyone else is going to fuck you up. This isn’t even counting hostile humans that will most likely react no better.

I’d argue that Zelia’s mom is a horrible parent that is definitely not instilling the right mindset for the grimdark universe they live in.

And I’m reading the young boy’s profile Talen. Says here he fucking RAN AWAY to avoid being enlisted by the imperial guard!

This boy’s a fucking heretic tratior and needs to be shot.

Mekki is the only one that seems okay lore wise, at least based on the short description of him.

In any case, I'm guessing they're going to have to stick to Imperium enemies that are more "straight forward" like Necrons and Orks. Necrons are basically "space skeletons" and orks are well orks with a "k" IN SPACE. Hell, they'll probably make orks into Saturday morning cartoon characters and have them be "silly idiots" rather than blood thirsty gleeful psychopaths.

Though I guess they could have that "very special book" where Chaos God Slaanesh tries to entice the children into a pedo cult.

Puddle's middle eastern in think.

And wow, I don't even like this setting and I'm already just a little bit appalled at the way they're gutting and sanitizing it. Deserters and pacifists? What the hell. I can imagine how the diehards must be flpping their shit.

Her mom is probably a Rogue Trader, because they're more or less allowed to skirt the law and do whatever the fuck they want