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Coins' Awesome Story, Great Job!

5 years ago

On a warm September evening, a little Korean boy had just finished eating a delicious dinner of boiled Labrador and was walking down the street to help stimulate digestion. Suddenly, sadistic laughter rang out from around the corner he was walking towards. Fearing someone was having too much fun without him, the little Korean boy ran towards the source of the noise to discover that a hapa girl was trying to sodomize a deformed looking Mexican toddler who was spouting Japanese phrases like a patient with Tourettes. 

The Korean Kid realized he had to intervene and do the right thing by saving the little Hispanic from being molested. After grabbing a large stone from the ground, he strode over to the girl and struck her firmly on the head with the rock, which smashed against her head with a satisfying thunking sound. Two more blows with the rock quickly dispensed justice and ended a degenerate's unworthy existence. The Korean boy turned to look at the toddler drooling on the ground and wondered why he had intervened at all. Irritated by the fact that the Mexican was now picking its nose, the Korean boy threw the rock at him as hard as he could and turned away, not bothering to see if it landed or not. 

As the Korean boy headed back towards his house, he could hear the bluebirds chirping, the frogs waking from their slumber, and the soft rustling of a pedophile stalker slithering through the bushes nearby. Annoyed by the sound of the bluebirds, the Korean boy took out his compound bow and nocked an arrow, and fired a shot into the woods. However, his aim was off and he only managed to hit the pedophile in the stomach, who stumbled of the bush screaming in agony. The Korean boy ground his teeth with rage, as he detested the pitch of screaming and how it rubbed against his eardrums. He quickly took vengeance by shooting a second arrow into the legs of the pedophile, pinning them together and forcing him to fall to the ground still screaming. 

The Korean boy wanted him to shut up, so he leaned down and grabbed the pedophile's lips and held them together while he slowly pierced them through with an arrowhead so to clamp his mouth shut. This resulted in a much more muted sort of shrieking, so the Korean boy's rage lessened. Now more curious than angry, he decided to experiment. He sat on the pedophile's arms and torso as to prevent him from moving. With that settled, he took out another arrowhead and slowly pressed it into the man's open eye. A clear sticky fluid leaked out and the man squirmed beneath him in an attempt to escape, so he pressed deeper and blood flowed out as well, mixing with the fluid and creating pink tears. The Korean boy thought it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and stopped pressing, although he left the arrowhead lodged in the eye. He wanted more pink tears, so he tried the process for the other eye, only his hand slipped and his finger dug in instead, but the liquid still flowed so it didn't matter much. 

Wiping his finger off on the man's pants he noticed that there was no bulge where the man's penis should be. The Korean boy slide the pants down a little and saw that there was a slit where the balls were supposed to be, and he wondered whether if it worked the same as a girl's. He took an arrow and slowly slid it up the slit and laughed when he felt the man roll around in pain. He slide it up until it slid too far and got stuck. Tired of things getting stuck in the man, the Korean boy decided that it was enough for the day. Leaving the man to squirm and roll around in agony the Korean boy started walking back home. It took no more than five minutes and soon he was at his front door sitting on the steps watching his Christian neighbor wiping his ass with the blank pages of a book and attempted to read them with all seriousness. 

When the sun went down and the stars shone bright in the night sky the Korean boy went inside and walked past his mom's bedroom where he knew a short mestizo man had spilled his seed and went inside his bedroom and crawled into bed. He shut his eyes and dreamed of pink tears.  

Coins' Awesome Story, Great Job!

5 years ago

@mizal let me out of the playhouse now

Coins' Awesome Story, Great Job!

5 years ago
What is this shit, this is not the Edgelord contest

I'm not obligated to accept this at all, but I'll pass it along to your cellmate @ISentinelPenguinI and let him make the call of whether you deserve to be freed.

Coins' Awesome Story, Great Job!

5 years ago

I'm not sure if you could do better sheerly because this is the first time I've ever seen you write more than a few paragraphs of fiction, outside of your storygame, which was okay but not as funny, and your Architect faction propaganda, which was actually pretty good but it could have been a fluke.

The wording was kind of clunky, often going too long without punctuation and separating ideas. You could do well trying to beat out your jokes out loud so that they have a punchier rhythm. Nonetheless, it had some jokes and imagery that made me chuckle with sleep-deprivation. It's not commendation-worthy by any means, but at least we forced you to write something, which is like a tiny win in itself. But seeing how rushed and forced this story is, it seems like force isn't the way to go if you're gonna get around to writing something that might earn a commendation.

5/10, I'll flip a coin on whether or not Coins gets out.

Coins' Awesome Story, Great Job!

5 years ago

Loved the descriptions of these profligates suffering.  

I would give some real feedback, but I think Mizal and Sent covered it pretty well.

You should write more though, I think this humorous type writing is very much your style.