I wanted to post because I just finished my first chapter of my first story game I am making. I made the (possibly) unfortunate mistake of choosing a very long multiple path story for my first story game. I feel I am up to the challenge, especially since this is a story I have been wanting to write for a long time! Rather, half of it is (I started it as a novel idea and making it a story game intrigued me so I added a second version of the story to let the reader choose between being good or evil). The story is titled Dark Master and I was hoping someone could read the story and give me some feedback on how its going so far! It probably has a lot of grammatical errors, pointing these out will be appreciated, but I am more looking for feedback on the initial storylines. Mostly I want to know if it starts off interesting, and is developing well so far along both storylines. I also want to make sure that both the "good" and "evil" paths are equally entertaining and well done so the story isn't good one way and bad the other. I will start on the second chapter soon, but they will take awhile (every chapter splits the story into two more possible storylines and gets exponentially longer to write... YAY). So I thought this would be a good time for feed back and to fix any problems before they got repeated four times in the next chapter. The story is open for review on my profile, but the link below should also work to take you there.
http://chooseyourstory.com/story/dark-master
*Disclaimer- any thoughts or ideas are appreciated and help, but they might not all make it into the story!
