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Worst CYOA Ever

10 years ago

Long windedness ahead

Suicide Bomber

Okay so the Suicide Bomber one I've seen done a few times and they usually fall into the that school shooter/rooftop sniper theme. You're basically playing as some nut trying to kill a bunch of people. My only problem with these is they're usually not done very well. It's not like anyone goes into the mindset of being a suicide bomber and as a few people pointed out they tend to be pretty short because the writer doesn't consider anything more than the actual bombing itself.

I mean the idea of the whole planning and plotting of your righteous journey before meeting 72 virgins might be interesting, just haven't seen it done yet.

Going the humor/satire route is certain valid, but I haven't really seen this done yet either. (Seen more humorous attempts at school shootings, guess its funnier to kill a bunch of people at school you don't like)

AIDS Crack Whore

The AIDS Crack Whore I've seen quite a few variations of. The best one that someone actually put thought into was "You Are a Prison Bitch."

The rest of these types of stories that I've skimmed though never really evolve past the writer typing a few misspelled words of how you're sucking dick (real and glass) and then you dying. (Usually with a Lol at the end) These tend to be very short as well.

I do think some of you are right in that something much deeper could be written though it would probably still be depressing as all hell, but hey some stories don't have happy endings.

Again making it humorous is certainly possible, in fact that's probably why the best one I read of this sort of theme was the Prison Bitch one.

Nazi Death Camp Guard

Interestingly I've never actually seen the Nazi one remotely attempted. I guess their aren't many white supremacists into writing CYOAs. Making a story about playing as being part of the organization that performed the Holocaust aside, it still has the potential to be interesting. Probably would need some detailed knowledge of WW2 history and such to do it justice.

I imagine the easiest way to approach it would be trying to make the protagonist sympathetic by having him trying to help out the prisoners when he could and him having a lot of difficulties at doing his job.

I don't think you could do this theme humorously though. Well, you could but it would basically amount to "Dead Jews Lol." and then getting several angry comments written to you calling you a Nazi bastard and a surprise invitation to the Stormfront forums and you probably don't want that.

Pedophile

Finally, I have seen a couple attempts at the pedo protagonist. One of which even got taken down on Infinite when a few people complained about it. The dude snuck a similar less graphic story on there much later, but no more fuss was made probably because it was forgotten about and not even popping up on the main reading list anymore (It was less than 20 pages) While it wasn't extremely graphic, it did kind of invoke a sense of "ick" especially since you were playing as an enthusiastic little girl (It was like a sex cult or something) which actually might've been worse than playing as a pedo. Made it extra creepy that he added random pics of little girls to his story.

Another one wasn't graphic at all, it was actually about a pedo and his mission to lure steal a child away from the playground or whatever. Focused purely on the hunt and usually ended with either driving away with the kid or getting caught. Quite frankly it was rather dull and seemed more like a "Got a kid in my trunk Lol." type thing. Wasn't particularly interesting.

As odd as it may seem, I have yet to see a humorous attempt at this sort of CYOA. You would think that someone making a theme around it might attempt to soften the ick factor by doing such a thing, maybe by doing it South Park/Family Guy style, but haven't seen it done.

But even with humor (which may or may not be funny to some people) I don't think you can really "champion" the theme of a pedo protagonist. Even if you say took them into a different setting to make the premise more acceptable you can't really do it like you could easily do with the others

Put the following in a fantasy or scifi setting…

Suicide Bomber- Any suicidal fanatic with a cause can be used. Doesn't matter what they follow, the religion might be an expy of a real world one or not, but it doesn't matter. It'll get more of a pass.

AIDS Crack Whore- The protagonist is a succubus (or incubus) Basically you're playing as a demon who is obviously going to indulge in reckless behavior some of which may include taking drugs on a regular basis for fun. They're also having A LOT of sex and killing everyone through it. If you want a Scifi example, Morinth from Mass Effect was basically whoring around killing people with SPACE AIDS though she probably was more addicted to killing people than any drugs she may have taken.

Nazi Death Camp Guard- This one is really easy. Take any race, human, alien or a fantasy based one. Make them extremely militaristic and xenophobic. Create your protagonist as a member of said race running a concentration camp with their hated enemies as the hapless prisoners. (Which is probably everyone) Controversy averted. In fact now you can make an enthusiastic death camp guard with no problems.

Pedophile- Yeah, see it just doesn't work. A pedo is still going to be a pedo no matter what setting they're in. Someone molesting pre-pubescent children (regardless of race) is just going to be scum no matter what. And no, some guy going around molesting halflings because they're small and childlike doesn't count. He's just got a halfling fetish. A terrible terrible halfling fetish.

Like I said, I don't doubt the possibility that an interesting well written CYOA is possible with such a protagonist, its just I'm not going to be the one to attempt it. Not a topic that would interest me for one thing. I'd actually find attempting to make the floorboard story interesting more desirable.

Next story theme: Floorboard in a Nazi Death Camp

Worst CYOA Ever

10 years ago

Ok then

Worst CYOA Ever

10 years ago
Alrighty then :/

Worst CYOA Ever

10 years ago

Dammit! I'm on that weird part of the forums again!

Worst CYOA Ever

10 years ago

.......what?

Worst CYOA Ever

10 years ago
JMgskills you're alive it's a Christmas miracle!!!!

Worst CYOA Ever

10 years ago

And no one gave me presents. I'm out of here.

Worst CYOA Ever

10 years ago
Noooooooo I have American cheese and pickles!!!!!!!!!

Worst CYOA Ever

10 years ago

Read endmaster's pointless quiz and it'll aaaalllllllll make sense. Well, some of it'll make sense. 

Wow we write a lot of crap don't we?

Worst CYOA Ever

10 years ago
Yes yes we did

Worst CYOA Ever

10 years ago

Yeah, this page alone has been 1000 times more entertaining and well thought out than any of the 'lets go kill shit' games they have here on the site (or any site for that matter).

Worst CYOA Ever

10 years ago

Actually, the Nazi deathcamp thing is a bit more interesting if you take a psychological approach to it.  Looking back at Hitler's past, it isn't so surprising why he hated Jews.  But, as a Nazi death camp guard...

What might cause a person like the guard to be like that?

Delving into the guard's mind might make a good read, although it is pretty generic.

Worst CYOA Ever

10 years ago

*CREEAK*

...

(Why does nobody care that I'm creaking?)

-xt1000305 the floorboard

Worst CYOA Ever

10 years ago

If you're good, maybe someone will give you a good 'waxing' later  hehehe ...  ;)

Worst CYOA Ever

10 years ago

*CREEAAK*

(that means yay)

Worst CYOA Ever

10 years ago

I feel like if anybody took the time with any of these themes, they could make a really good story. It's all about the way they would have to write it though. A story about a suicide bomber or a Nazi death camp guard could be a lot more interesting than the usual "dead people lololol end game" troll level games. It would just be a matter of getting inside the protagonist's mind. Why do they do the things they do? What experiences in their life make them feel that it's acceptable to take a life for their cause?

The same could be done with the pedophile story too. That also has a whole other route an author could take and the protagonist could be disgusted with himself or herself because of their lust for children. Will they overcome their desires and finally achieve a "normal" life, or will the burden of his emotional state be too much to bare as he slowly starts spiraling down into addiction before going on a state wide kidnap fun fest?

Worst CYOA Ever

10 years ago

Well that's sort of the problem, most talented writers aren't going to do a CYOA about such themes and hey it's perfectly understandable that they don't desire to for whatever reason. The other problem is most of the people that are doing stuff similar to it are usually doing it for the lulz and even then they're not doing it very well. Even the folks that might come up with such an idea tend to just flame out and not actually go through with the story for whatever reason.

Out the four I'd be more likely to tackle the suicide bomber or Nazi one. Given that I've already done serial killers or other types of remorseless killers, pretty sure I could take that mindset and just give a particular ideology. The whore one I doubt if I could go through with without going the humor route. I don't tend to do victim protagonists very well at least not from a dramatic perspective. And again, the pedo protagonist just isn't something that I'm going to do even though I might very well have the ability to do so if I really tried to put my mind to it.

Story time


Someone over at CoG forums posted an idea about a pedo story about a year ago. Actually had a thought out concept since it was taking place after WW3 and you were going to take the perspective of a child sex slaver and all the bad stuff that entails.

Naturally some of the forum was lecturing about pursuing such a thing. Going on about writing something exploitative and how that was bad for the world, how he needed his balls cut off, etc.

Personally I didn't really care what the guy was doing since I was pretty sure it was going to be a case where he'd write a little bit and then never finish it, because that happens like all the time over there. Even if he had finished it, there was no way it was going to be allowed on that site.

However because its sometimes fun (if eye roll inducing at times) to see the usual folks get in a twist about anything remotely offensive over there, I sort of played devil's advocate which probably was a little bit of borderline trolling on my part. (Yes, I know I'm a bad man)

Because I know how everyone loves romances over there I said I was surprised nobody asked if there were going to be any in this story. Naturally the resident PC police girl who had already jumped on my case about several other things since I got there stated that nobody asked because nobody wants to sex up kids.

So I said "Well why the hell not? I mean if this story is going to go full blown depravity of child rape it might as well go all the way with it and add an extra layer of complexity to it."

Does the protagonist fall in love with his star pupil and can't bear to part with her? Does he resign himself to the fact that he has to let her go? Does he kill her so nobody else can have her? Or does he defy the fucked up system he works for and become a fugitive by running away with her where they live happily ever after? (Until she turns 14 and he decides she's too old)

While I was semi-joking about all this, someone actually pointed out that my ideas sounded a lot more interesting than what the original guy already came up with and then stated that not everyone is capable of writing a sick sadistic jerk like I can.

The funnier thing was the guy actually HAD thought out "love interests" which he then posted the stats for and when he did that, it turned out he was sort of "cheating" the whole time.

Turned out that all the "children" were more like teenagers from 14-17. Still a pretty fucked up scenario what with sex slavery going on, but really he got people more in a tizz about it than it might have been. (Though probably still would've gotten flak given some of the people)

And of course he didn't work on it anyway and they closed down the thread which they tend to do a lot of over there.

Worst CYOA Ever

10 years ago

What?...