In between my more expansive surrealist horror stories, I decided to write a bit of a 'palate cleanser' in "Elder God Dating Simulator". In it, you (obviously) get to date any number of elegible ancient Ones. Trouble is, I'm having a bit of difficulty determining potential date locations, and was wondering if anybody here could help with that. Thanks!
Here are the current profiles for each deity I'm including.
“Will be the one from your dreams!”
Likes: tentai, salty dogs, antiquarians, cyclopeans
Dislikes: old people (elder things), people messing with his daughter, freighters, poles, ships in general
Potential Dates: Walk on the beach, Italian Restaurant(He eats the spaghetti while looking at you seductively.)
“More like AzaTHOT!”
Likes: The music of Erich Zann, cuddling in bed, shared dreams,puns, tentai
Dislikes: Being woken up from slumber, silence, idiot cultists, practical jokes, poems
PDs: the center of ouroboros, ?
“Looking for a new direction in life”
Likes: ageplay, tentai, recognition, vore,
Dislikes: BDSM, that uptight bitch charydbis
PDs: Nursery, sushi place, aquarium, ?
“Will definitely put out!”
Likes: pregnancy, tentai, raceplay, petplay, being called “mommy”
Dislikes: Being mistook for a tree, bullets apparently
PDs: Netflix and Chill, dark forest, ?
“Tall, dark and handsome. Or whatever you want him to be. Can get you a deal on anything”
Likes: Egypt, blood pacts, tentai, dominating, getting old ladies to kidnap children, pet rats,
Dislikes: Lawyers, being shown up,
PDs: Courtroom, ?
“Will put on a show for you”
Likes: Yellow, theatre, graffiti, masks, tentai
Dislikes: that one anime, people that think his name is Carcosa, Mysterious Strangers, people that reference his past life as a shepherd
“He'll put his Key in your Gate.”
Might be a long-distance relationship, is a bit trapped outside the universe
Likes: Lurking, magic, tentai, things to look at, sexless 40 year olds
Dislikes: Needles, porn,
PDs: Magic show?
“Warm where it matters”
Likes: Yodeling, snow, incest porn, tentai, impregnating women,
Dislikes: Offspring that turn against him, the sun, that bigfoot asshole
“You’ll need a diving suit to see how deep that trench goes!”
Briny, broody, fishy, runs a cult “Everybody’s Obvious Duty”
Likes: fish dinner, the ocean, tentai, monstergirls
Dislikes: Whales, Philistines, the police,
Additionally, if anybody can think of any Lovecraft themed dating app names that would be greatly appreciated. So far, the ones I've come up with are:
Edit: yes, this is a joke game.
I've been thinking for a bit, and this is what I've come up with.
Dagon could take the reader to the aquariam, either to
A.) Make them a partner in crime to release all the fish into their natural habitats.
B.) Have them both hunt down their own dinners.
He could also take them to the very bottom of the Mariana Trench. As long as the reader keeps Dagon happy, they'll make sure the reader doesn't die. If the reader makes him mad...welp, no more protection for them.
Actually, maybe that could be a thing? Like if the date goes too bad, the reader gets killed off by said monster.
Since looking at Cthulhu makes you go insane, the reader might have to go on said date wearing a blindfold or something.
There's also a real town called Hell on Earth, which has potential. Apparently, anyone can be mayor for a day!
And that's all I have.
Hopefully this is interesting enough, but if not then that's cool too.
No no, I really like these ideas! Especially the potential instadeath pathways if you somehow manage to tick the respective eldritch deity off. Thank you for your thoughts!
Thanks! I've never written a humorous story before, but hopefully it'll turn out ok.
I'm up to 10,000 words of pure eldritch lovin' so far.
My sister actually came up with Squinder when I asked her for ideas. Of course, that came with the cost of her thinking I'm into tentacles now but that was a price I was willing to pay.
Hey, thanks for giving it a go! There are a few slight variations, but that's pretty much it depending on the ending you get and not really worth replaying in my opinion. The ending that you got, where you kill the Child, is my personal favorite ending.