Azula and Zuko
Commended by mizal on 12/26/2018 7:20:49 PM
"Too few ratings to be ranked"
played 405 times (finished 22)
"trek through the forest"
"It'll be a while, better grab a Snickers®"
"need to be accompanied by an adult"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG.
This is a contest entry for End Master's Fanfiction contest.
This is an
Avatar: the Last Airbender
fanfiction that focuses on Azula's life and her relationship with Zuko.
Never having seen the Avatar series, I felt at first like I was at a loss. However, this story is well written enough that I didn't need that background information. This wasn't a story about the Avatar universe at its core but a story of a sister who cared for her brother above all else.
The transitions between time skips could have been done a little smoother. I understand that each chapter would represent the end of that period, but it made for a slightly more disjointed experience.
It is also notable that the sidekick characters Mai and Ty could have been developed slightly more. Their personalities were touched upon briefly at first and I wonder if some more time could have been spent developing their relationships with both Azula and Zuko. Especially considering Mai ends up engaged to him, it would have been nice to see how their motivations factored in.
There is a lot that is alluded to in the story that doesn't explicitly take place or isn't rightly true. Azula's assertion that she was the only one that could or would get him out of the Fire Nation was strictly false. I could understand if you asserted that this was part of her delusion, but I didn't get delusional out of her. She may have been unhinged and murderous due to various factors, but she always seemed to be able to grasp the facts and point blank, even when others denied them.
It would also have been nice to delve a little more into her relationship with her mother. Because as the player, it's hard to empathize with her point of view. We don't see enough rejection and enough effort from Azula. We don't know if her mother tried and Azula was just too broken to notice or if the mother was genuinely terrible.
Ultimately, the story has a really hard time making me care for Zuko. Half the story Zuko is Azula's rival for motherly affection and we're guided to resent him just for existing. We bully him and undermine him at any chance (without hurting him physically). That relationship pushes Azula into the "do anything to survive" mode. Then when Zuko is condemned to death, we're expected to jive with this sudden sentimentality and desire to save him and protect him? It seems like that flip isn't well transitioned into. The only way I could justify it in the headcanon was out of some sick "Only I can torture my brother." I get the idea was to give Azula nuance and in some ways that succeeded with flying colors. In other ways, it still needed work. Azula needed to be shown as being capable of mercy and sibling love before I could really get behind her showing mercy and love for her brother.
Still great story and damn well done!
on 12/31/2018 4:53:48 PM with a score of 0
I was going to start off by stating how weird (or lazy!) it was to name your links “1,2,3,etc” but then I realized it was the age Azula was in each page. I do think it was rather weird (or lazy!) to suddenly revert to being a one year old without any warning or titling a page to warn the reader. It was very refreshing to play a storygame in third person, although I think that ended up limiting the player in their choices. Instead of putting you as the main character with various paths, you’re taken on a journey through Azula’s childhood.
I really enjoyed playing this because I had invested hours watching Avatar (multiple times too!). I found it deeply entertaining to see events happen in Azula and Zuko’s childhood that molded them into the characters on screen. I get the feeling if I had never watched Avatar, I would be incredibly lost and disinterested in the story, which is sort of a fine line to ride in fan-fic and I’m uncertain where I lie on the issue. The story is obviously directed towards Avatar fans so perhaps there is no need to address someone who hasn’t seen it... why would they click on an Avatar fan-fic if they hadn’t seen the show? If I’m taking this from an absolute literary position, I’d have to rate lower for not including a lore page with explanation on the different nations, state of the world, or bending.
I kind of went back and forth on the realism of Azula’s childhood... shooting fire from fists and murdering birds are obviously universal things for children, but more specifically, if her speech fit her current age. For the most part, the dialogue fit her age. Referring to her mother as “Mommy” and Zuko as “Zuzu” or “Dum-dum” were in line with her age. Azula’s decision-making wasn’t always the best, which matches the thought-process of a child. That was clearly seen in her idea to kill the bird and blame it on Zuko. Some of the inner dialogue seemed a bit too advanced for her age. Specifically on page 2 and 3, Azula seemed to have capabilities way past her age... like fire bending at age two? Can two year olds even walk? No seriously, I don’t know anything about babies.
Some things that stuck out to me:
-Good contrast between Azula’s father and mother. The differences in values between her parents seemed like a big factor in her torn nature aka psycho-killer-bitch syndrome.
-I don’t remember Prince Zuko being a bumbling idiot growing up. I could be wrong, but I remember him being dutiful and caring about the fire nation people. I haven’t seen the show in a while, but wasn’t the reason he got burned because he wanted to protect fire nation lives?
-Favorite part in the entire storygame. Azula to Mai:
“How much do you practice?”
“Whenever I’m bored.”
-“With the utmost precision and flexibility, thanks to lessons from Mai and Ty Lee, she kicked the back of one girl’s head. As she crumples, she kicks the other one as well. You can’t do that in a skirt, Mother”. I’ve never worn a skirt, but I assume it’d be easier to kick someone in the head wearing one. Less resistance, right? Unless you’re wearing a tight, bootylicious Nicki Minaj skirt that is.
I think this was a great fan-fic. The scenes were described well and the characters (except possibly Zuko) were in line with their TV selves. Storygame-wise there weren’t many options, but the high quality of writing and background into the characters overshadowed the lack of “game”.
on 12/27/2018 3:45:37 PM with a score of 0
I have a very ‘vague’ idea about the last airbender. Well, this was a nice heartwarming and touching story about the relationship of siblings in general and I’m sure that any brother/sister would find this very relatable.(Minus the hysterical sister murdering in cold blood.) The character description, depth and immersion in the story was simply superb. I could easily imagine the world around me due to the accurate and beautiful descriptions.
The fighting scenes could use a little bit more description, since from the movie I’ve seen that the last airbender had a unique style; you did explain that part but just briefly. Also in the capture of the earth kingdom and of the police, a lot of more good stuff could’ve been added, like fight descriptions, or a conversation between Azula and the police force head. That just felt like a missed opportunity. Also the scenes between Azula and the last airbemder and his party seemed very brief. But since there was a deadline for the entry, it would be wrong on my part to want so much depth.
The ending was simply marvellous; I could feel the emotions of Azula and Zuko clearly and that was wonderful. I was hoping for a choice to give something like an ultimatum from Azula to Zuko, before they started the final battle, like ,”I did so much for you Zuko. I saved your life twice! I went against my own benefit and saved YOU! ‘Why’ you ask? Because because I love you...and this...this is how you repay me by betraying me? I trusted you Zuko... I..I thought I meant something to you.” It would’ve been interesting to know Zuko’s reaction. Along with a choice of refusing to fight Zuko since he is your brother and you refuse to fight him. But, this is just what I think would’ve been a nice addition.
A few typos mostly at the last few pages and ending links but nothing major or too hindering.
In the end, I loved the story, it succeeded in giving me that vibe of satisfaction you get after finishing a novel with an amazing story and conclusion that leaves your thirst for reading quenched. 7/8.
on 12/25/2018 5:16:33 AM with a score of 0
I think I'm crying.
I watched AtLA for the first time last summer, and my favorite character was Azula. I saw myself in her perfectionism, her high standards for herself. I felt like a monster too, for agreeing with her. The line "My own mother thought I was a monster. She was right, of course, but it still hurt" resonates with me.
It still hurts to watch her final scene in the show, where she's chained up and crying on the floor. Screaming to the heavens, who do not answer her. Screaming for her mother and brother, screaming because she believes she is unworthy of love.
Azula and Zuko are the same on a fundamental level. They are both desperate for a love that they missed out on: parental love. Azula sought it in her father, and Zuko in his mother. Azula was rewarded for all the wrong things, and when her training was rendered useless, her forging into a weapon just to be thrown away, she had nothing else to live for.
I'm so happy you gave her a small bit of happiness. She deserves it.
I'm just... I have a lot of Azula feels, okay?
on 1/13/2019 4:21:04 AM with a score of 0
This was very well done and I enjoyed it.
Azula was always a character that I loved to hate, but simultaneously felt sympathy for and you captured that perfectly. Good job!
The descriptions are good, the story is exciting and interesting, the dialogue is engaging. I don't have anything to criticize here. Though I would suggest going back through and fixing an issue with your spacing. You have it double spaced between paragraphs, but then dialogue is crammed together without the double spacing and creates a textwall.
Again, I loved this story and you did a fantastic job!
on 12/26/2018 11:02:05 AM with a score of 0
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